Jokes Thread

[plugwater]

 

[Oracle]

 

[Oracle]

Before sex, you help each other get undressed.

After sex, you only dress yourself.

Moral of the story:

In life, no one helps you once you've been screwed.

 

[Oracle]

For the first time in the history of mankind "Need", "Comfort" and "Luxury" are sold at the same price in India!

Onions Rs. 65, Petrol Rs. 65 and Beer Rs. 65!

 

[Oracle]

A pipe burst in a doctor's house. He called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed the doctor a bill for $600. The doctor exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! I don't even make that much as a doctor!." The plumber quietly answered, "Neither did I when I was a doctor."

 

[black eagle]

 

[black eagle]

 

[black eagle]

 

[black eagle]

 

[black eagle]

 

[black eagle]

 

[black eagle]

 

[black eagle]

 

[black eagle]

 

[black eagle]

Mom & son...

 

[black eagle]

 

[plugwater]

 

[tarunraju]

 

[pmaitra]

Smart Phone and Blondies

Smart Phone and Blondies

 

[Rage]

I posted this on the shoutbox today:


As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

-----------------------------------------------------

There are four kinds of sex :

HOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.

BEDROOM SEX - After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.

HALL SEX - After you've been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "FUCK YOU"

COURTROOM SEX - When your wife and her lawyer fuck you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you've got.

-----------------------------------------------------

One morning a woman was walking out of her front door, when she notices a strange little man at the bottom of her garden.

"You're a goblin," she says, "I caught you and you owe me three wishes!". So the goblin replies "OK, you caught me fair and square, what's your first wish?". The woman stops and thinks for a second, "I want a huge mansion to live in.", goblins replies "OK, you've got it.". Woman again thinks it over, "My second wish is a Mercedes." "OK, you've got that too." "My last wish is a million dollars!". The goblin then says "OK, you've got it. But to make your wishes come true you have to have sex all night with me." "OK then, if that's what it takes..."

Next morning the little man wakes the woman up.

"Tell me," says the man, "how old are you?" "I'm 27", she replies

"Fuck me", says the man, "27 and you still believe in goblins"