Jokes Thread

[W.G.Ewald]

Was denn Hundertfünfzig Mark?

For those that understand German!

I understand some German, but German humor not at all.

 

[ALBY]

 

[W.G.Ewald]

Man Sentenced After Accidentally Shooting Woman's Mohawk He Mistook For Bird | Fox News

 

[pmaitra]

Man Sentenced After Accidentally Shooting Woman's Mohawk He Mistook For Bird | Fox News

That reminds me of a news where a guy took out his shotgun and fired at a mouse that was living in his room, and bothering him. He ended up shooting his roommate through the was who was sitting on the throne and injuring his spine.

 

[W.G.Ewald]

NaTioNaL CLeaVaGe DaY...IT's Too BiG To FaiL! | ZeroHedge

 

[SPIEZ]

Diggy and MSD were the best
Me thinks R jadeja gives 1/2 his salary to Dhoni for having him in the team

 

[Razor]

 

[pmaitra]

The Oatmeal Comics - Apple Product

 

[pmaitra]

Every time it snows in a big city

Every time it snows in a big city
everyone is having the exact same conversation.

 

[pmaitra]

 

[Singh]

Sardarji teaching his son a poem.

Machli jal di rani hai
Fish is the queen of the Sea

raati daru naal khani hai
shall eat it at night with Whiksey

 

[nrj]

Epic FAIL :herp:

 

[Aayush]

Do you know why the great wall of china is so famous??
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It is the only made in china thing to have lasted this long.

 

[W.G.Ewald]

I understand some German, but German humor not at all.

Not even that of my German grandfather. His favorite joke went something like this.

A man walks down the street and sees a worker nailing shingles on the side of a house. The worker takes nails from his apron, examines them, and randomly either uses the nail or tosses it aside. The man asks, "Why?" The guy with the hammer says, "Some of these nails have the heads on the wrong end!" The passer-by says, "Idiot! Those nails are for the other side of the house!"

My grandfather would be laughing so hard as he told the joke, tears coming down his cheeks, that, with his German accent, hardly anybody could understand him.

 

[KS]

 

[Oracle]

Santa to Umrao Jaan: I love you!

Umrao Jaan: Tameez se baat kijiye!

Santa: Bismillah-e-Rehman-e-Rahim Mohtarma, Chu****gi?

 

[Mad Indian]

 

[Oracle]

Santa had a leakage in roof over the dining.

Plumber asked: Sir when did you notice it?

Santa: Last night when it took me 3 hours to finish my soup...!!

 

[Oracle]

Laws Which Newton Forgot To State:

LAW OF QUEUE: If you change your queue, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.

LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

LAW OF WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with

 

[Oracle]

Joke: Dog Vs Wife

1. The late you are at home, the more excited your dogs are to see you.

2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.

3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.

4. A dog's parents never visit you.

5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

6. You never have to wait for a dog; they are ready to go 24 hours a day.

7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.

8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"

10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.

11. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.

12. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.

13. Abandon your wife and your dog in a remote unknown, unreturnable place for an hour. Then pretend finding them and see who's happy to see you and who divorces you.

14. And then If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.