Jokes Thread

brational

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वाजपेयी जी को भारत रत्न मिलने की ढेरो शुभकामनाये,
उनकी सारी फिल्मे मैंने देखी है,
मनोज वाजपेयी जी मेरे फेबरेट एक्टरहैं !!

- आलिया भट्ट
 

cobra commando

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Zoke tym:

Ek baar ek terrorist ne ek Budhiya ke ghar me BOMB rakh diya...

Log Chillaaye: "Budhiya bomb hai ! Budhiya bomb hai !!"

Budhiya: "dhatt.. Wo to mai jawani me thi..."
 

JBH22

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Wallah!!
RSS ka dehshatgard dareenda Ameeta Bacchan accepts & converts to the true deen
 

Peter

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Mumbai woman gets auto driver arrested for obscene act
MUMBAI: A woman got the shock of her life after she noticed her auto driver unzipping and masturbating while driving the vehicle after putting her in awkward situation at Versova on Monday evening; the woman alerted her husband and got the driver arrested.

The Versova police had produced the accused driver, Mahesh Gauda,28, before a court on Tuesday. The court released Gauda on cash bail.

The 30-year-old victim works in airline industry and she hired an auto for home at Andheri (West) around 6.30 pm. Gauda was looking at the victim from rear mirror after start of the journey but she avoided to pay any attention towards him.

After the auto crossed Good Shepherd Church on Yari Road, the driver opened his zip and put his one hand inside of his pant while driving the auto with other hand. In between, he was looking the victim from the mirror. When the victim noticed that Gauda was driving the auto with one hand and he was masturbating, she creamed at him for his act.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
(Who wrote this article? :facepalm:)

She also alerted her husband about it after requesting him to come at their building gate. By the time, the auto reached the victim's building, Gauda stopped the vehicle and apologies the woman for his behavior. He requested her to let him go. But the woman decided to teach him a lesson, she along with her husband took Gauda to the Versova police station.

The police booked Gauda under Indian Penal Code (IPC) section 509 (Word, gesture or act intended to insult the modesty of a woman).

The victim's friends questioned the women safety issue after the incident and told that everyone focusing on private taxi driver's character verification after the Delhi rape incident, but what about the auto drivers?.

Two months ago, the city police claimed that they would verify the antecedents of all fleet taxi and tourist taxi drivers in the city after a 25-year-old executive was raped in a Uber Cab in Delhi.

The Versova incident showed that, the auto and taxi drivers with criminal mindset in the city are also threat to women passenger traveling alone even in day time at isolated stretch.
Mumbai woman gets auto driver arrested for obscene act - The Times of India

Yeah TOI the woman creamed at the auto driver.
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

@Mad Indian @Razor might wanna look at this.
 
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Razor

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pmaitra

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A Polish Joke

A Pole walking along the road happens to spy a lamp. He picks it up, and as it is covered in rust he gives it quick rub. Out comes a genie.



"I'm the genie of the lamp and I can grant you three wishes," the genie says.

"OK," says the Pole. "I want the Chinese Army to invade Poland."

Odd choice, the genie thinks, but nevertheless he grants the wish, and the Chinese Army comes all the way from China, invades, and goes back home.



"Right, second wish. Maybe something more positive," says the genie.

"No," replies the Pole, "I want the Chinese Army to invade again."

So the Chinese come all the way from China, lay waste to more of Poland, and then go home.



"Listen," says the genie. "You have one last wish. I can make Poland the most beautiful and prosperous place on earth."

"If you don't mind, I want the Chinese army to invade one more time."

So the Chinese army comes again, destroys what's left of Poland, and then goes home for the last time.



"I don't understand," says the genie. "Why did you want the Chinese army to invade Poland three times?"

"Well," replies the Pole, "they had to go through Russia six times."
 

rockey 71

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Police Work at it's best!

>>> Two policemen (Constable Ken and Bob) call the station on the radio.
>>> "Hello. Is this the Sarge?"
>>> "Yes?"
>>> "We have a case here. A woman has shot her husband dead for stepping on the floor she had mopped."
>>> "Have you arrested the woman?"
>>> "No sir. The floor is still wet."
 

Ray

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An Australian ventriloquist visiting PAKISTAN, walks into a small

village and sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog. He figures

he'll have a little fun, so he says to the villager "can I talk to your dog?"

Villager: "The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Aussie."

Ventriloquist: "Hello dog, how's it going mate?"

Dog: "Doin' all right."

Villager: (look of extreme shock)

Ventriloquist: "Is this villager your owner?" (pointing at the villager)

Dog: "Yep"

Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"

Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and

takes me to the lake once a week to play."

Villager: (look of utter disbelief)

Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"

Villager: "Uh, the horse doesn't talk either....I think."

Ventriloquist: "Hey horse, how's it going?"

Horse: "Cool"

Villager: (absolutely dumbfounded)

Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?" (pointing at the villager)

Horse: "Yep"

Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"

Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly,

brushes me down often and keeps me in the barn to protect

me from the elements."

Villager: (total look of amazement)



Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your goat?"



Villager: (in a panic) "The goat's a liar!"
 

Ray

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Kejriwal has stopped wearing his Underwears because VIP is written on them.

He can't wear JOCKEY as horse riding is a rich man's pastime.

He can't wear MACROMAN since he is a common man.

He can't wear COMMANDO since he has refused security.

So, now all he needs is to cover himself with mango leaves to prove he is an 'aam' admi.
 

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