Jokes Thread

[drkrn]

Rabbit resuscitation... A man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road and got out to see what had become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit was dead. The driver felt so awful he began to cry. A woman driving down the highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong. "I feel terrible," he explained. "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it." The woman told the man not to worry. She knew what to do. She went to he car trunk and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead rabbit, and sprayed the contents of the can onto the rabbit. Miraculously, the rabbit came to life, jumped up, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped down the road. 50 meters away the rabbit stopped, turned around, waved at the two again, hopped down the road another 50 meters, turned, waved, and hopped another 50 meters. The man was astonished. He couldn't figure out what substance could be in the woman's spray can! He ran over to the woman and demanded, " What was in your spray can? What did you spray onto that rabbit?" The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label. It said: " 'Hare Spray' Restores Life to Dead Hare. Ads Permanent Wave."

 

[kseeker]

After Winning the Cricket Match,

Tony Greg: So Inzi, that was a fantastic match, you did good. I heard that, your wife is pregnant for the second time and u must be happy!

Inzi: bismillah al-rahman al-raheem, allahumma salli 'alaa muhammadin wa aali muhammad. wasma' du'aa'i idhaa da'awtuk. wasma' nidaa'i idhaa naadaytuk. waqbil 'alayya idhaa naajaytuk. faqad harabtu ilayka wa waqaftu bayna yadayk. mustakeenan lak, mutadharri'an ilayk, raajiyan limaa ladayka thawaabi, wa ta'lamu maa fi nafsi, wa takhburu haajati, wa ta'rifu dhameeri, wa laa yakhfaa 'alayka amru munqalabi wa mathwai, wa maa ureedu an ubdi'a bihi min mantiqi, wa atafawwaha bihi min talibati, wa arjoohu li-'aaqibati.

Thanks Tony.

All credit goes to the boys. Everyone work hard for it, especially Afridi. It was tight situation when he went in. Also Bob Woolmer was keeping close watch on progress and giving instructions. It's all team effort. Insha Allah, we all will work together as a team, put in big effort and deliver good result all the time and will be able to REPEAT the same result.

Tony fainted!!!!!!

 

[kseeker]

Q: What do you call 1 Pakistani on the moon?...

A : Problem...

Q : What do you call 10 Pakis on the moon?...

A : Problem...

Q : What do you call 100 Pakis on the moon?...

A : Problem...

Q :What do you call ALL the Pakis on the moon ?...

A : God damn it ! Problem Solved :thumb:

 

[kseeker]

There's this Irish woman got four son's, and there alway's swearing.

One morning the eldest, goes down for breakfast, and she say's what do you want for breakfast, and he say' I'll have fcuking cornflakes, and she hit's him round the side of the head.

The next eldest goes in, she ask the same question of him, and he say's (you've guessed it) and she hit's him .

The third boy, and the exact same thing happen's.

Well the youngest had seen, his three brother get hit, so he goes in and his mother ask, what would you like for your breakfast, and he say's, Mom, after what I just saw, I'd be a cunt, if I ask for fcuking cornflake's, give me whatever you have !

 

[TrueSpirit]

MOdi: I love u Nitish Babu

Nitish to BJP : Sambhalo usko , Mujhe bahot chhedta hai.

BJP : Control karta hoon, tum apni izzat dhak kar rakho.

Modi : I love u Nitish Babu

Nitish : Hum jaa rahe hain Rajbhawan resignation dene.

BJP : Ruk jao lugaiii , abhi kahan touch kiya hai tumko

Nitish : To kya izzat lut jayegi uske baad jayenge.

BJP : Thoda sabar karo.

Nitish : Thik hai.

BJP declares its dulha "NaMo"

Advani : Nitish tum ruko , mai samjhata hoon.

Nitish : Budhau tumhara koi sunta bhi hai kya??

Nitish : Mera internal relation BJP k sath hai , Modi k sath nahi

Modi : Mere se relation banana hi hoga , ab to mai "Dulha" hoon

Nitish : divorce , divorce , divorce

BJP to Modi : Lugaiii bhag gayeee dulha saab.

Modi : Uske ghar mein uska balatkaar karenge chalo Bihar.

Modi in Bihar : Lugaii bahot natkhat hai , bahot sarmati hai.
Phle wale ko dhokha di , Mere ko dhokha di
Ab janta ko dhokha degi.

Nitish : Rapist se jaan bachana koi dhokha hai, Maine kisi ko dhokha
nahi diya, Sabne milkar mera balatkar karna chaha.

Modi Bhakt: Dulha hai to Biwi k sath relationship uska haq hai , ye
balatkaar kaise ho sakta hai.

Public Confused

 

[W.G.Ewald]

Doctor, speaking to newlywed husband: "Your new bride has acute angina."

Husband: "Yeah, she sure does, but I thought you doctors weren't supposed to notice that sort of thing."

 

[Ash]

IRISH SAUSAGES
Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.

Murphy said 'Hang on, I have an idea.'

He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.

Shamus said 'Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money at all!'

Murphy replied, 'Don't worry - just follow me.'

He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints
of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky.

Shamus said 'Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't even got any money to pay for these drinks !!'

Murphy replied, with a smile. 'Don't worry, I have a plan , Cheers! '

They downed their Drinks. Murphy said, 'OK, now here's the plan. I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth.'

The barman immediately noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.

They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free.

At the tenth pub Shamus said 'Murphy - I don't think I can do any more of this. I'm absolutely drunk and me knees are killing me!'

Murphy said, 'How do you think I feel? I can't even remember in which pub I lost the sausage!

 

[kseeker]

IRISH SAUSAGES
Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.

Murphy said 'Hang on, I have an idea.'

He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.

Shamus said 'Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money at all!'

Murphy replied, 'Don't worry - just follow me.'

He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints
of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky.

Shamus said 'Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't even got any money to pay for these drinks !!'

Murphy replied, with a smile. 'Don't worry, I have a plan , Cheers! '

They downed their Drinks. Murphy said, 'OK, now here's the plan. I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth.'

The barman immediately noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.

They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free.

At the tenth pub Shamus said 'Murphy - I don't think I can do any more of this. I'm absolutely drunk and me knees are killing me!'

Murphy said, 'How do you think I feel? I can't even remember in which pub I lost the sausage!

Awesome

 

[ramakrishna]

IRISH SAUSAGES
Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.

Murphy said 'Hang on, I have an idea.'

He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.

Shamus said 'Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money at all!'

Murphy replied, 'Don't worry - just follow me.'

He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints
of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky.

Shamus said 'Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't even got any money to pay for these drinks !!'

Murphy replied, with a smile. 'Don't worry, I have a plan , Cheers! '

They downed their Drinks. Murphy said, 'OK, now here's the plan. I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth.'

The barman immediately noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.

They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free.

At the tenth pub Shamus said 'Murphy - I don't think I can do any more of this. I'm absolutely drunk and me knees are killing me!'

Murphy said, 'How do you think I feel? I can't even remember in which pub I lost the sausage!

HAHA ... man I almost ROFL'ed .....

 

[kseeker]

Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp.

"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.

"Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.

"That little shit, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand."

"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."

"Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?"

"That I did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight."

Courtesy : internet :sarc:

 

[kseeker]

George was a bad loser. When he was cleaned out in a poker game for very high stakes, he slapped his hand on the table and got up to leave. As he walked past, he couldn't resist insulting Max McTavish, the bald man who had cleaned him out.

As George walked past, he ran a hand over Max's bald head and said sarcastically, "Your head feels just like my wife's @rse."

Max put a hand to his head and said, "Ah Yes ! mate, you're right. It does!"

 

[VIP]

 

[VIP]

 

[angeldude13]

I don't know who thought of this but this is a very good idiea.
I am implementing this sh8t in my life

 

[drkrn]

Mrs. Sullivan and her little daughter Patty were outside the church watching all the comings and goings of a wedding. After the photographs had been taken, everyone had driven off to the reception, and all the excitement was over. Patty asked her mother, "Why did the bride change her mind, Mommy?
"How do you mean, change her min?" asked Mrs. Sullivan.
"Well said the child, "she went into the church with one man and came out with another!"

 

[drkrn]

Three vampires walk into a bar. The bartender looks at him suspiciously, but decides to serve them anyway. "What'll be, boys?"
The first vampire says "Blood. Give me blood."
The second vampire says "I too wish for blood!"
The third vampire says "Give me plasma."
The Bartender smiles and says "Got it. Two bloods, and a blood-light."

 

[EXPERT]

MY FIRST JOKE .....................

:crusin3: :crusin3: :crusin3:





A Boy Was Staring To A Group Of Girls
For A Long Time.....
.
After Sometime One Girl Came
Forward & Said....
.
Girl Says:-
Naa Dekh Aise Hasino Ko Paap Hoga,
Tu Bhi Ek Din Kisi Hasina Ka Baap
Hoga...
Wow !!! What a Shayari....Girls Can
Laugh Here...
After Listening To The Girl, The Boy
Said :
.
Khuda Kare Teri Zuban Sachi Ho....
Khuda Kare Teri Zuban Sachi Ho....
Aur Mujhe Baap Kehne Wali Teri Hi
Bachi Ho...

 

[kseeker]

courtesy: facebook

 

[kseeker]

Talwar Baazi :darthvader: Ke Muqabley ME..
.
.
1 CHINESE NE Baal K 2 Tukde Kar Diye..
.
.
1 JAPNIES NE Udti Hui Makkhi KI Gardan Kaat DI..
.
.
RAJNIKANT NE Macchar Udaya.... Talwaar Ghumayi But
.
.
Macbhar Udta HI Raha.... :shocked:
.
.
JAPNIESE hesitantly : Anna, " Macchar Toh abhi bhee Udhh Raha Hai..
.
.
.

RAJNIKANT Muskuraatae Hue : " Udd To Raha Hai par ,Ab Zindagi mein Kabhi bhee Baap Nahi Ban SAKTA.. Enna Rascala Mind it !!! :sarc:

 

[cobra commando]