Jokes Thread

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[Illusive]

Lots of Indians advocating bestiality right here on DFI in the thread on hybrids.

http://defenceforumindia.com/forum/members-corner/45667-10-most-amazing-hybrid-animals.html

Slander of Pakistanis on that subject now seems quite hollow now.

In vitro fertilisation - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia i.e testube babies, babies can be born without copulating.

 

[W.G.Ewald]

In vitro fertilisation - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia i.e testube babies, babies can be born without copulating.

Oh, well, mixing humans with sub-human primates is just fine then, with only technical hurdles to overcome.

 

[Ray]

Interesting.
English is sure not
easy for some.

I think a retired English teacher was bored.
THIS IS GREAT!
Read all the way to the end................
This took a lot of work to put together!

You think English is easy??


1)The bandage was wound around
the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce
produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse
more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert
in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present,
he thought it was time to present
the present.

8) A bass was painted on the head of
the bass drum.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen
about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door
to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when
the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down
into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer
taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong
to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear
in the painting I shed a tear..

19) I had to subject the subject to
a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my
most intimate friend?


Let's face it –
English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant,
nor ham in hamburger;
neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins weren't invented in England or
French fries in France .

Sweetmeats are candies while
sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted.
But if we explore its paradoxes,
we find that quicksand can work slowly,
boxing rings are square and a
guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig..

And why is it that writers write
but fingers don't fing,
grocers don't groce and
hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth,
why isn't the plural of booth, beeth?

One goose, 2 geese.

So one moose, 2 meese?

One index, 2 indices?

Doesn't it seem crazy that
you can make amends but
not one amend?

If you have a bunch of odds and ends
and get rid of all but one of them,
what do you call it?

If teachers taught,
why didn't preachers praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables,
what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what language do people recite at a play
and play at a recital?

Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and
feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and
a fat chance be the same,
while a wise man and
a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique
lunacy of a language in which your
house can burn up as it burns down,
in which you fill in a form by filling it out
and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people,
not computers, and it reflects the creativity
of the human race, which, of course,
is not a race at all.

That is why, when the stars are out,
they are visible, but when the lights are out,
they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick' ?

TRY EXPLAINING THIS TO SOMEONE
WHOSE MOTHER TONGUE ISN'T ENGLISH

Always think Positive!
Have a Great Day!!

 

[W.G.Ewald]

This moron was having a problem with mice in his apartment.

"Dude," he told a friend, "I've tried everything and those damn mice keep coming back."

"I had the same thing man," his friend says. "All you have to do is stuff steel wool in their holes."

"That's it? That will work? Heck, I'll try it tonight."



About a week later the friend gets a call from the moron, and asks, "How's it going with the mice?"

"Not so good, dude."

"What's the problem?" his friend asks.

"To be honest, I'm having a lot of trouble holding their little legs apart."

 

[Raj30]

 

[W.G.Ewald]

One index, 2 indices?

Latin, not English.

 

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[Ray]

Keeping up with the Joneses
Dear Dad,
Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad,I am bit ashamed to arrive to my college with my Gold Mercedes, when all my Teachers travel by train.
Your Son
Nasser

Sometime later Nasser gets reply to his e-mail from his Dad:

Loving son,
Twenty Million Dollars transferred to your account, please stop embarrassing us, go and get yourself a train too.
Your Dad

 

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