Jokes Thread

[anoop_mig25]

 

[anoop_mig25]

 

[anoop_mig25]

 

[prahladh]

 

[arnabmit]

Yes = No.
No = Yes.
Maybe = No.
We need = I want.
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry.
We need to talk = I need to complain.
Sure...go ahead = I don't want you to.
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
Are you listening to me? = Too late, you're dead.
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me.
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.
You're so.. manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.
How much do you love me? = I did something today that you're really not going to like.

TRANSLATING MEN'S ENGLISH
I'm hungry = I'm hungry.
I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy.
I'm tired = I'm tired.
Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
I love you = Let's have sex now.
I'm bored = Do you want to have sex?
What's wrong = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.
I love you, too = Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!
May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.
You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to have sex with you in the next ten minutes.
Let's talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me.
I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I am gay.

 

[Virendra]

Pappu goes to a doctor and is complaining about penis erection problem.

Doc tells him about new surgical breakthrough where muscle from elephant's trunk is transplanted to the penis.

Pappu undergoes the surgery. Few days later he is having dinner with a beautiful date. He gets horny and has to open the zip to relieve the pressure. Suddenly the penis shows up on the table and grabs an apple and goes back into his pants.

Pappu's date is shocked and asks if he can do it again. To which he replies, "Sure I can, but I am not sure my ass can handle another apple right now.

Change the fruit to banana .. Elephants like banana

 

[Raj30]

 

[Raj30]

 

[Raj30]

 

[Das ka das]

Danavraj Raavan ko court me laya gaya aur kaha: "Gita pe hath rakho". Ravan bola "Sala Sita pe hath rakha to itna matter hua. Ab Gita pe. SORRY BOSS I'M NOT INTERESTED".

 

[utubekhiladi]

 

[Razor]

:dafuq: dafuq is that ??

 

[utubekhiladi]

:dafuq: dafuq is that ??

she is the mom of the srilankan cricker "mallinga"

 

[Razor]

she is the mom of the srilankan cricker "mallinga"

Dude, I got that.
It was more of a "dafuq is this sh!t", kinda moment.
She must get an award for that afro.

 

[Yusuf]

 

[Yusuf]

 

[Das ka das]

 

[VIP]

 

[rock127]

......

 

[W.G.Ewald]

A man walks into a Jewish restaurant and asks the boss, "How do you prepare your chickens?"

"We tell them up front they're not going to make it," he replies.