Jokes Thread

[Sabir]

 

[Sabir]

 

[F-14]

My meaning Book



Against: - to oppose some thing

Kicked by the boot: - fired

Sup – how are you?

Hommie: - a person from your area

Mate: - Friend

Kangaroo land/ Oziland: - Australia

Kiwi land: - Newzeland

Boomer: - the music system

Bloods: - Gangs from America

Cochin: - Ernakulum and thrissur

Tranvancore: - Kottyam to Trivandrum

Malabar: - Northern Kerala

Tali: - Drunk

Source: - Informer

Hot news: - the freshest news

Thrashed: - Beaten up

Madras: Tamil Nadu

Mysore: Karnataka

Bombay: Maharastra

Of the hook:-totally spectacular

BA’s:- Blue Angles

TB’s:- Thunder Birds

High on Weed: - a state of talking no connected topics

STC: - sucks to the core

MDKG: - an old man who barley knew what he was saying

Nehru: - A lopsided stupid who ran the country just for the heck of it

AC baby 1:- Rahul Manio Ghandi

AC baby 2:- Prianka V Ghandi

Italian Fascist Lost In India: - Sonia Manio Ghandi A.k.A: madamji

Sudo-Secularist: - a bunch of wolves in sheep’s clothing

AD: - Abu Dhabi

DXB: - Dubai

SHJ: - Sharjah

Saudia: - Saudi Arabia

Ching Chou Chow: - Chinese

Viper: - F-16s

Rhino:-F-18’s

Cat:-F-14’s

Spooks: F-4 Phantom II

Ripped: - illegal Copy

Carbon:-NFS carbon

The Radar: - the Law

Indophobia: - a peculiar desise only found in Zaid Hamid

Fella – boy

Lass– Girl

Flick:-Steal

Prakash Karat: - Da red Carrot

Nice words:-Ultra words that should not be used in general conversations

CPIM: - Chinese Party of Indian Morons

Third Front: - A bunch of aimless dogs barking for no known cause

Areas: - territories that are controlled by gangs

Social workers: - the mulcipality

Human Rights activist: - a bunch of guys who don’t have any other purpose in life

Aurnthadi Roy: Miss I am an Indian But I love India’s enemies more

 

[Sabir]

 

[1.44]

50 Thins Guys wish Girls knew
​

1. Unless you're Danica Patrick, we'd rather drive.

2. When we're watching sports with other people in the room, DO NOT hold our hand or make playful chat, even during commercials.

3. Just because we talk to you online more than on the phone does not mean that we don't care, it just means that we prefer listening to music.

4. We like when you cook for us, but if your baked ziti tastes like spoiled cabbage, we'd prefer take-out.

5. You like when we call and ask you out for dinner and pay for you, right? Well yea, we'd like it once in a while too.

6. If a guy is not completely honest with you about his feelings, he doesn't trust you with them.

7. Shaving down there for you is not an option, it is a requirement.

8. GO TO THE GYM. Girls in tight workout clothes are hot; the overweight girl in loose sweats on the Hip Abductor machine is not.

9. Stop looking up at us for a sign of the finish line, keep your head down and focus.

10. Don't ask us if you look fat in an outfit because you're just going to overanalyze it no matter what we say and get pissed at us for no good reason.

11. S the D during that time of the month, it shows us that you really care.

12. College football season is akin to Grey's Anatomy; if it's new, then it's the most important thing in front of us.

13. Testicles have feelings too, do not ignore them.

14. If you're on the Elliptical, get the hell off of your cell phone, you look like a fool.

15. 2AM is the cutoff time for us to take you home after sex. If you happen to miss it, we like our eggs scrambled with a side of bacon.

16. If we ask you your weight, it isn't because we think you're fat, it's because we're curious. If you look fat, we already know it.

17. The more time you spend on your makeup, the more we know how insecure you are about your looks. The average man can s***, shower, shave and get dressed in under 20 minutes. When it's time for dinner, we really aren't concerned with the new shade of your lip gloss.

18. It's natural for our eyes to wander. You should be concerned when our penis wanders though.

19. The balls don't actually turn blue, but don't kid yourself, it makes suicide sound better.

20. It doesn't matter how amazing the sex is, we're still gonna masturbate, and we're gonna do it all the time, because we're guys and that's just what we do. Accept it already.

21. Don't try to drop us any little sex clues like "accidentally" leaving a Cosmo magazine at our apartment. If you want us to do something just tell us because no two girls are exactly the same and we realize that.

22. Stop using our razors to shave your pits, it does not make us any closer. Have you not seen the price of replacement blades these days for a Mach 3!

23. Please tell us about times you have hooked up with other girls.

24. Please do not tell us about the times you have hooked up with other guys.

25. The following are things that we will do on our own when we feel comfortable doing it, do not try to make us: put "In A Relationship With" on Facebook, send you text messages, put a heart and your initials in our AIM profile, or talk about you in our away messages.

26. When we take you to a sporting event, stop asking questions. Either do your homework beforehand or be courteous and let us take our friends. Do you want us to keep pestering you for actor's names during the 12th time you that you've taken us to see RENT?

27. Stop f-ing asking us to watch The Notebook. When's the last time you agreed to watch Die Hard with me on a Friday night?

28. We know when you keep the faucet running in the bathroom that you're taking a s***. Trust us, the sound of the water does not disguise the plop so stop wasting our precious resources.

29. The only time we want to hear the words "stop" "no" and "don't" are in this sequence: "NO! please DON'T STOP."

30. It is not "just a game." Let us get pissed about losing or we're gonna wind up getting pissed at you.

31. Putting things in your butt turns us on.

32. We're tired of having to take it easy against you when we play each other in video games. Either get some skills or sit beside us and quietly read a book.

33. Are you seriously planning to go out in Uggs and a skirt?

34. Sex is like a cookie. We're not always hungry, but it's never a bad time for a snack.

35. SWALLOW!

36. We're tired of constantly re-taking pictures when we go out. Just for once can you be happy with it the first try?

37. Just because we let you cheat when you play us in sports does not make it OK to cheat with other guys.

38. Despite popular belief, a lot of guys like relationships too, but we're no better at reading minds than you, so if you want to know what our intentions are, ASK US.

39. A girl that drinks with his guy is cool. A girl that can outdrink her guy belongs in AA.

40. If we go away for a vacation or for the summer, the absolute most annoying thing that you could possibly do is to constantly be calling us.

41. When guys get together, we all talk about how good or bad the sex is with our girlfriends. Just so you know.

42. Jewish guys want a girl that is nothing like their mother.

43. We're tired of hearing about the pain you're gonna have to go through during childbirth. How often do you hear guys talking about getting kicked in the balls?

44. Just because your last boyfriend was a jackass does not mean we all are. You expect us to give you a clean slate and leave old baggage behind. We expect the same from you.

45. If you know that we work out, compliment us and be sincere, we appreciate it when you notice.

46. Trust us, you are DEFINITELY not always right. You either need to start listening to us when we're in an argument, or we'll be more than happy to move on to someone who will.

47. Most guys who don't mind spooning really just do it because we think that we might be able to slip it into your butt.

48. It's OK to smoke cigarettes as long as we both do it. Otherwise, no guy wants to make out with an ashtray.

49. It's about time you start waxing your upper lip, thanks.

50. Despite the fact that most of you will get mad and completely ignore what we're trying to tell you on this list, we'll still love you anyways. Probably not as much, but we gotta keep the species going right?
6:39 AM1 Comment2 Kudos

 

[natarajan]

Rabri Devi died and went to heaven (Don't Laugh). As
she stood in front of yamraj, she saw a huge wall of clocks
behind.


She asked, 'What are all those clocks?'
Yamraj answered, 'Those are Lie Clocks. Everyone on
Earth has a Lie Clock. Every time you lie, the hands
on your clock will move.' 'Oh,' said Rabri, 'Who's clock is
that?'


That's Gautam Buddha's. The hands have never moved
indicating that he never told a lie.


'And whose clock is that?' That's Abraham Lincoln's
clock. The hands have only moved twice, telling us
that Abraham only told 2 lies in his entirelife.'


Rabri asked, 'Where's my Laloo's clock?'
Laloo's clock is in my office', replied yamraj, 'I'm
using it as ceiling fan' !!!

 

[IBRIS]

YouTube - Don't Ask Don't Tell

 

[IBRIS]

YouTube - Gays in the the foxhole -- WATCH OUT!

 

[Daredevil]

Cat Listening to Lata Mangeshkar

Cat Listening to Himesh Reshmia

Cat Listening to Baba Ramdev

Cat Listening to Anup Jalota

Cat Listening to Bappi Lahiri

Cat Listening to You

 

[Daredevil]

> I never take risk while drinking. When I come from office in the
> evening, wife is
> cooking I can hear the noise of utensils in the kitchen.
> I stealthily enter the house take out the bottle from my black cupboard
> Shivaji Maharaj is looking at me from the photo frame
> But still no one is aware of it
> Becoz I never take a risk
>
> I take out the glass from the rack above the old
> sink Qucikly enjoy one peg
> Wash the glass and again keep it on the rack
> Of course I also keep the bottle inside my cupboard
> Shivaji Maharaj is giving a smile
> I peep into the kitchen
> Wife is cutting potatoes
> No one is aware of what I did
> Becoz i never take a risk
>
> I: Any news on Iyer's daughter's marriage
> She: Nope, she doesn't seem to be that lucky. They
> are still looking out for her
> I again come out; there is a small noise of the
> black cupboard But I don't make any sound while
> taking out the bottle
> I take out the glass from the old rack above sink
> Quickly enjoy one peg
> Wash the bottle and keep it in the sink
> Also keep the Black Glass in the cupboard
> But still no one is aware of what I did
> Becoz I never take a risk
> I: But still I think Iyer's daughter's age is not
> that much
> She: What are you saying? She is 28 yrs old... like
> an aged horse
> I: (I forgot her age is 28) Oh Oh...
> I again take out potatoes out from my black cupboard
> But the cupboard's place has automatically changed
> I take out the bottle from the rack and quickly
> enjoy one peg in the sink
> Shivaji Maharaj laughs loudly
> I keep the rack in the potatoes & wash Shivaji
> Maharaj's photo & keep it in the black cupboard
> Wife is keeping the sink on the stove
> But still no one is aware of what I did
> Becoz I never take a risk
> I: (getting angry) you call Mr. Iyer a horse? If you
> say that again, I will cut your tongue...!
> She: Don't just blabber something, go out and sit
> quietly...
> I take out the bottle from the potatoes
> Go in the black cupboard and enjoy a peg
> Wash the sink and keep it over the rack
> Wife is giving a smile
> Shivaji Maharaj is still cooking
> But still no one is aware of what I did
> Becoz I never take a risk
> I: (laughing) So Iyer is marrying a horse!!
> She: Hey go and sprinkle some water on your face...
> I again go to the kitchen, and quietly sit on the
> rack
> Stove is also on the rack
> There is a small noise of bottles from the room
> outside I peep and see that wife is enjoying a peg
> in the sink
> But none of the horses are aware of what i did
> Becoz Shivaji Maharaj never takes a risk
> Iyer is still cooking
> And I am looking at my wife from the photo and
> laughing
> Becoz i never take a risk .....hic!

 

[Daredevil]

In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop a beautiful young woman was
waiting for the bus. Dressed up for work, she was wearing a very tight
mini skirt.

As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on the bus she
became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up
to

the height of the bus' first step. So slightly embarrassed and with a
quick
smile to the bus Driver she reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a
little thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.

Again she tried to make the step onto the bus to discover she still
could not make the step. So, a little more embarrassed she once again
reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little more. And for a
second time
she attempted the step and once again, much to her disgust she could
not
raise her leg because of the tight skirt. So with a coy little smile to
the driver she again unzipped the offending skirt to give a little more
slack and again was unable to make ! the step.

About this time the big Texan that was behind her in the line picked
her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the
bus.

Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero, screeching at
him, "How dare you touch my body!! I don't even know who you are!! ".

At this the Texan drawled,"Well ma'am, normally I would agree with
you but after you unzipped my pants three times, I kinda figured we
were friends".

 

[Daredevil]

A Sardarji and his wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston.
After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue,
and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a
room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.

When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for
$350. The Sardarji explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high.
He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't
worth $350. When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the man
insists on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appears, listens to the Sardarji, and then explains that the
hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were
available for the husband and wife to use.

But we didn't use them", the Sardarji complains.

Well, they are here, and you could have," explains the Manager.

He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which
the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and
Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says But we didn't go to any of those
shows," sardarji complains again .

"Well, we have them, and you could have", the Manager replies. No matter
what facility the Manager mentions, the sardarji replies "But we didn't use it"

The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the Sardarji finally gives up and
agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the Manager.

The Manager is surprised when the looks at the check. "But sir," he says,
"this check is only made out for $1.00"

"That's right," says the sardarji, "I charged you $349 for sleeping with my wife."

"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager. "Well," the Sardarji replies, "she
was here, and you could have."

 

[Daredevil]

A Gujrati, a Madrasi and a sardaar were doing construction work on
scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.

They were having lunch and Gujju said, "Dhokla! If I get dhokla one more
time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."

The Madrasi opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Idli Sambhar again! If I
get idli sambhar one more time I'm going to jump off too."

The sardaar opened his lunch and said, "Parontha again! If I get a parontha
one more time, I'm jumping too."


The next day, the Gujju opened his lunch box, saw dhokla, and jumped to his
death.

The Madrasi opened his lunch, saw idli sambhar, and jumped, too.

The sardaar opened his lunch, saw the parontha and jumped to his death as
well.


At the funeral, Gujju's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how
really tired he was of dhokla, I never would have given it to him again!"

The Madrasi's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him dossa! I
didn't realize he hated idli sambhar so much."


Everyone turned and stared at the sardaar's wife.






..
.
..
.
.
..

.
..
.
.
..




The sardaar's wife said,

"Don't look at me.

He makes his own lunch."

 

[Daredevil]

Computer Gender ****

A pastor of a church had previously been a sailor. He was very aware that ships are addresses as "she" and "her". He often wondered what gender computers should be addressed. To answer that question, he set up two group of computer experts.

The first group was composed of women, and the second of men. Each group was asked to recommend whether computer should be referred to in the feminine gender, or the masculine gender. They were asked to give 4 reasons for their recommendations.

The group of women reported that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:
In order to get their attention you have to turn them on.
The have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
The are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.
As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer you could have had a better model.


The men, on the other hand, concluded that computers should be referred to in the feminine gender because:

No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half of your paycheck on accessories for it.

 

[Daredevil]

It's sometimes easy to forget how easily email technology can be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences.

Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory.

Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before.

When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.

At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

Dearest Wife,

Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.



Your Loving Husband

PS. Sure is hot down here.

 

[Daredevil]

While visiting India, George Bush is invited to tea with Abdul Kalam. He
Asks Kalam what his leadership philosophy is. He says that, it is to
Surround him with intelligent people.

Bush asks how he knows if they're intelligent. "I do so by asking them the
right questions," says the Kalam. "Allow me to demonstrate. "

Bush watches as Kalam phones Manmohan Singh and says, "Mr. Prime Minister,
please answer this question:

Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not
your brother or sister. Who is it?"



-

-

Scroll down





-

- Manmohan immediately responds, "It's me, Sir!"

"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says Kalam.

He hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"

Bush nods: "Yes Mr. President. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"

Bush, upon returning to Washington, decides he'd better put Condoleezza Rice
to the test.

Bush summons her to the White House and says, "Condoleezza, I wonder if you
can answer a question for me."

"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"

Bush poses the question: "Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has
a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Rice was puzzled and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to
you?" Bush agrees, and Rice leaves.

Rice immediately calls a meeting of senior senators, and they puzzle over
the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer.

Finally, in desperation, Rice calls Colin Powell and explains the problem.

"Mr. Powell, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this
child is not your brother or your sister.

Who is it?"

Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course."

Much relieved Rice rushes back to the White House, finds George Bush, and
exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's



-



our Colin Powell !"

And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, it's



-Manmohan Singh!"

 

[Daredevil]

Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old
woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.

Dear Sir:

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to
pay my plumber last month.
By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his
presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to
honor it.
I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension,
an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years. You
are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also
for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused
to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident
has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.


I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and letters,
--- when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal,
overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.


From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person.
My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be
automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and
confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.
Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to
open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact which I
require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages,
but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about
me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her
medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory
details of his/h er financial situation (income, debts, assets and
liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof. In due course, at MY
convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must
quote in dealings with me.
I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled
it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account
balance on your phone bank service.. As they say, imitation is the sincerest
form of flattery.


Let me level the playing field even further.
When you call me, press buttons as follows:
IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH
#1. To make an appointment to see me
#2. To query a missing payment.
#3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
#4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping
#5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
#6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home
#7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is
required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that
Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.
#8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.
#9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on
hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.
#10. This is a second reminder to press* for English. While this may, on
occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration
of the call.


Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an
establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement. May I
wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?

Your Humble Client

(Remember: This was written by an 86 year old woman) 'YA JUST GOTTA LOVE' US SENIORS' !!!!!

And remember: Don't make old ladies mad. They don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to set them off.

 

[Daredevil]

How to catch a Lion?





Newton 's Method:

Let, the lion catch you.

For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Implies you caught lion.

************ ********

Einstein Method:

Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion.

Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired soon.

Now you can trap it easily.

************ ********

Software Engineer Method:

Catch a cat and claim that your testing has proven that its a Lion.

If anyone comes back with issues tell that you will upgrade it to Lion.

************ ********

Indian Police Method:

Catch any animal and interrogate it & torture it to accept that its a lion .

************ ********

Rajnikanth Method :

Keep warning the lion that u may come and attack anytime.

The lion will live in fear and die soon in fear itself.

************ ********

Jayalalitha Method:

Send Police commissioner Muthukaruppan around 2AM and kill it, while it's sleeping !

************ ********

Manirathnam Method (director):

Make sure the lion does not get sun light and put the lion in a dark room with a single candle lighted.

Keep murmuring something in its ears.

The lion will be highly irritated and commit suicide.

************ ********

Karan Johar Method (director):

Send a lioness into the forest.

Our lion and lioness fall in love with each other.

Send another lioness in to the forest, followed by another lion.

First lion loves the first lioness and the second lion loves the 2nd lioness.

But 2nd lioness loves both lions.

Now send another lioness (third) into the forest.

You don't understand right... ok....read it after 15 yrs, then also u wont!

************ ********

Yash Chopra method (director):

Take the lion to Australia or US.. and kill it in a good scenic location.

************ ********

Govinda method:

Continuously dance before the lion for 5 or 6 days. The Lion will drop dead just watching!

************ ********

Menaka Gandhi method:

Save the lion from a danger and feed him with some vegetables continuously..

************ ********

George bush method:

Link the lion with Osama bin laden and shoot him!!!

************ ********

Ravi Shastri method:

Ask the lion to bowl at u.

U bat for 200 balls and score 1 run

Lion tires and surrenders
************

 

[RPK]

HUSBANDS FOR SALE!
A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.
You may visit the store ONLY ONCE !
There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch .. . .. you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but
you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.

The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead good looking and help with the housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

Please send this to all men for a good laugh and to all the women who can handle the truth

 

[Daredevil]

Einstein dies and goes to heaven

At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him "You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will go to sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are?"

Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?"

Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk instantly appear.

Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his theory of relativity.

Saint Peter is suitably impressed.

"You really ARE Einstein!" he says. "Welcome to heaven!"

The next to arrive is Picasso.

Once again, Saint Peter asks for credentials.

Picasso asks, "Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?"

Saint Peter says, "Go ahead."

Picasso erases Einstein's equations and sketches a truly stunning mural with just a few strokes of chalk.

Saint Peter claps. "Surely you are the great artist you claim to be!" he says. "Come on in!"

Then Saint Peter looks up and sees George W. Bush.

Saint Peter scratches his head and says, "Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove yours?"

George W. looks bewildered and says, "Who are Einstein and Picasso?"

Saint Peter sighs and says, "Come on in, George!"