Jokes Thread

[SajeevJino]

====================
How to kill a - BOY.....??
====================
.
.
.
.
Just give him a mobile with lots of beautiful
Girls mobile number.
.
Then Lock him in a place with "No -
NETWORK coverage ..
====================
How to kill a - GIRL..??.
====================
.
.
Give her a beautiful dress, nice jewellerys,
costly
cosmetics.
Then, lock her in a room without a " -
MIRROR -

 

[aragorn]

Gujju Tip 1: Except for pilots, air Hostesses & flight attendants...
Gujjus are the only people who do business all around the world!!

Gujju Tip 2: We are the reason why all those lanes are called " Khau Galli "

Gujju Tip 3 :
Time : 9 am.
Place : Any Mumbai Local (or anywhere else too)
Words : Bajaar aaje uppar chhe ke niche?

Gujju Tip 4 : We are spiritual, but our 'Satyanarayan ni katha' always
ends with 'shiro aaje mast thayo chhe......!

Gujju Tip 5 : Even our ABCD starts with B
B for Business

Gujju Tip 6 : Thepla is our bread and Athaanu is our butter

Gujju Tip 7 : A Gujju may feel tired after 10 mins of Walking,
But the same Gujju is still energetic after 5 HOURS of non stop garba
and dandiya !!

Gujju Tip 8 : Earth revolves around the Sun..
We revolve around FOOD

Gujju Tip 9 : Only a Gujju can Choose 'KajuKatri' over 'Rasgulla',
'Faafda' over 'Lays', 'Khaman' over 'Idli', and 'Daya bhabhi' over
'Kareena Kapoor'

Gujju Tip 10 : You are a 'pakki' gujju if you have gossiped about
someone for hours and then said, "javaade ema aapde shu? Jene je karvu
hoy te karva de"

Gujju Tip 11 : If your stock broker's surname doesn't end with Shah,
Mehta, Parekh or Patel, then you're definitely doing something wrong!

Gujju Tip 12 : Hindi hamko jara bhi nahi faavta hai..

Gujju Tip 13 : "Every Gujju will introduce their spouse as "Aa mara
Mrs. chhe or Aa mara Mr. che" !

Gujju Tip 14 : One Patel 's knowledge = Entire Google!..

Gujju Tip 15 : Doesn't matter how bad we are at pronouncing English
words , we still have guts to say those words out aloud in public

Gujju Tip 16 : The World says:Save Electricity, Save Water, Save Nature;
But Gujju says: Sev Puri, Sev Khaman, Sev Gathiya

Gujju Tip 17 : Parents won't care a bit what they want or what we
want.... they only know what our relatives don't want.. '' Na Na
dikra, sagga vhala shu kehshe''

Gujju Tip 18 : Easiest way to identify a Gujju somewhere abroad..Sport
shoes under formal pants!

Gujju Tip 19: When you start singing bollywood songs and end up
singing garba songs... You are a true Gujju!

Gujju Tip 20 : Just a matter of time before we have own version of KFC -
Khandwi & Fafda Chaat house!!
Anyone for McDhokla??

Gujju Tip 21 : If you have already started thinking about Navratris
and that too once everyday,
Congrats, you are a True Gujju

 

[aragorn]

 

[VIP]

Gujju Tip 1: Except for pilots, air Hostesses & flight attendants...
Gujjus are the only people who do business all around the world!!

Gujju Tip 2: We are the reason why all those lanes are called " Khau Galli "

Gujju Tip 3 :
Time : 9 am.
Place : Any Mumbai Local (or anywhere else too)
Words : Bajaar aaje uppar chhe ke niche?

Gujju Tip 4 : We are spiritual, but our 'Satyanarayan ni katha' always
ends with 'shiro aaje mast thayo chhe......!

Gujju Tip 5 : Even our ABCD starts with B
B for Business

Gujju Tip 6 : Thepla is our bread and Athaanu is our butter

Gujju Tip 7 : A Gujju may feel tired after 10 mins of Walking,
But the same Gujju is still energetic after 5 HOURS of non stop garba
and dandiya !!

Gujju Tip 8 : Earth revolves around the Sun..
We revolve around FOOD

Gujju Tip 9 : Only a Gujju can Choose 'KajuKatri' over 'Rasgulla',
'Faafda' over 'Lays', 'Khaman' over 'Idli', and 'Daya bhabhi' over
'Kareena Kapoor'

Gujju Tip 10 : You are a 'pakki' gujju if you have gossiped about
someone for hours and then said, "javaade ema aapde shu? Jene je karvu
hoy te karva de"

Gujju Tip 11 : If your stock broker's surname doesn't end with Shah,
Mehta, Parekh or Patel, then you're definitely doing something wrong!

Gujju Tip 12 : Hindi hamko jara bhi nahi faavta hai..

Gujju Tip 13 : "Every Gujju will introduce their spouse as "Aa mara
Mrs. chhe or Aa mara Mr. che" !

Gujju Tip 14 : One Patel 's knowledge = Entire Google!..

Gujju Tip 15 : Doesn't matter how bad we are at pronouncing English
words , we still have guts to say those words out aloud in public

Gujju Tip 16 : The World says:Save Electricity, Save Water, Save Nature;
But Gujju says: Sev Puri, Sev Khaman, Sev Gathiya

Gujju Tip 17 : Parents won't care a bit what they want or what we
want.... they only know what our relatives don't want.. '' Na Na
dikra, sagga vhala shu kehshe''

Gujju Tip 18 : Easiest way to identify a Gujju somewhere abroad..Sport
shoes under formal pants!

Gujju Tip 19: When you start singing bollywood songs and end up
singing garba songs... You are a true Gujju!

Gujju Tip 20 : Just a matter of time before we have own version of KFC -
Khandwi & Fafda Chaat house!!
Anyone for McDhokla??

Gujju Tip 21 : If you have already started thinking about Navratris
and that too once everyday,
Congrats, you are a True Gujju

"Tu chal ke ja me hed ke aata hu..."
Navratri is near and my exams,too....

 

[mki]

Alex an American came to Gujarat.
He wants to go to town center and was confused that is he on correct road?? So He asked one old guy who is in dhoti and kurta, "Is this correct way for town center?" The old guy replied "Ohve, Nok ni dondie haliya jav" and walk away on his business.

Alex didn't understand thought the old guy abused him, so he walked further and ask a group of young guys who are setting on bikes at tea stall.
Alex: "is this road goes to Town center?"
A young guy from group replied "Ohve " and back to his mates.

Alex is angry now thought these guys might not understand or they are also using abusive words for him. So he decides to wait for right person to and can reply properly.
Alex waited and he seen a gentleman who is stepping out from his shiny Mercedes. So he approach to the gentleman and asked for help.

Alex asked "Is this correct way to town center?" the guy replied, "yes, you are on right track go strait for 10 mins, this road ends at town center." Alex felt this gentleman is so nice to him he have American accent.
Alex liked to talk to this gentleman so he said about the previous people and their answers to his query.
Gentleman said "don't worry they were illiterate and bunch of idiots."
Alex asked "what is the meaning of Ohve and Nok ni dondie haliya jav ", Gentleman "It mean Yes and Go strait, Respectively"
For extending the conversation Alex asked "Have you ever been to USA?" Gentleman replied "I was living US for last 40 years Owning motel business and came back to Gujarat for a month to sell parental property after their death."
Alex : "Nice to meet you, so you are US citizen?"
Gentleman: "Ohve."

 

[Virendra]

the last name on the list ..... joke on this country.

 

[Ankit Purohit]

Robart Vadra WITH SPG..............................WTF WTF WTF

 

[aragorn]

Robart Vadra WITH SPG..............................WTF WTF WTF

Thats what Raj Jamai told in his FB status today: Mango people in Banana republic (FU was silent)

 

[Raj30]

 

[spikey360]

The Pastor's Ass

The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered in another race and it won again.
The local paper read:
'PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.'
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in any more races.
The next day the local paper headline read:
'BISHOP SCRATCHES THE PASTOR'S ASS.'

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey.
The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline:
'NUN HAS THE BEST ASS IN TOWN.'
The Bishop fainted.
He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the headlines read:
'NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.'
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the high plains where it could run free.
The next day the headlines read:
'NUN ANNOUNCES HER A** IS WILD AND FREE.'

Alas, the Bishop was buried the next day.

MORAL OF THE STORY???

Being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery and even shorten your life.
So, be yourself and enjoy life. Stop worrying about everyone else's a** and you'll live longer

 

[VIP]

 

[anoop_mig25]

 

[Raj30]

 

[lcatejas]

the last name on the list ..... joke on this country.

What a shame for this country

 

[Rahul92]

 

[Rahul92]

 

[Raj30]

 

[cobra commando]

Zooooooooom!! farhaan on his Gazwa e-hind bike,Ahem..mind you it's " Water Powered "!!

 

[Raj30]

 

[Raj30]

Rajdeep sardesai calls Media crooks as Paid Media