Jokes Thread
- Thread starter Daredevil
- Start date
Mikesingh
Professional
- Joined
- Sep 7, 2015
- Messages
- 7,353
- Likes
- 30,450
Here’s FUN WITH PUNS !!
1. The meaning of opaque is unclear.
2. I wasn't going to get a brain transplant but then I changed my mind.
3. Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.
4. A man tried to assault me with milk, cream and butter. How dairy!
5. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.
6.If there was someone selling marijuana in our neighborhood, weed know about it.
7. It's a lengthy article about ancient Japanese sword fighters but I can Sumurais it for you
8. It's not that the man couldn't juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.
9. So what if I don't know the meaning of the word 'apocalypse'? It's not the end of the world.
10. Police were called to the daycare center. A 3-year old was resisting a rest.
11. The other day I held the door open for a clown. I thought it was a nice jester
12. Need an ark to save two of every animal? I Noah guy.
13. Alternative facts are aversion of the truth.
14. I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.
15. Atheism is a non-prophet organization
16. Did you know they won't be making yardsticks any longer?
17. I used to be allergic to soap but I'm clean now.
18. The patron saint of poverty is St. Nickeless.
19. What did the man say when the bridge fell on him? The suspension is killing me.
20. Do you have weight loss mantras? Fat chants!
21. My tailor is happy to make a new pair of pants for me. Or sew it seams.
22. What is a thesaurus's favorite dessert? Synonym buns...
23. A relief map shows where the restrooms are.
24. There was a big paddle sale at the boat store. It was quite an oar deal.
25. How do they figure out the price of hammers? Per pound !!
1. The meaning of opaque is unclear.
2. I wasn't going to get a brain transplant but then I changed my mind.
3. Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.
4. A man tried to assault me with milk, cream and butter. How dairy!
5. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.
6.If there was someone selling marijuana in our neighborhood, weed know about it.
7. It's a lengthy article about ancient Japanese sword fighters but I can Sumurais it for you
8. It's not that the man couldn't juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.
9. So what if I don't know the meaning of the word 'apocalypse'? It's not the end of the world.
10. Police were called to the daycare center. A 3-year old was resisting a rest.
11. The other day I held the door open for a clown. I thought it was a nice jester
12. Need an ark to save two of every animal? I Noah guy.
13. Alternative facts are aversion of the truth.
14. I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.
15. Atheism is a non-prophet organization
16. Did you know they won't be making yardsticks any longer?
17. I used to be allergic to soap but I'm clean now.
18. The patron saint of poverty is St. Nickeless.
19. What did the man say when the bridge fell on him? The suspension is killing me.
20. Do you have weight loss mantras? Fat chants!
21. My tailor is happy to make a new pair of pants for me. Or sew it seams.
22. What is a thesaurus's favorite dessert? Synonym buns...
23. A relief map shows where the restrooms are.
24. There was a big paddle sale at the boat store. It was quite an oar deal.
25. How do they figure out the price of hammers? Per pound !!
laughingbuddha
Regular Member
- Joined
- Mar 25, 2014
- Messages
- 462
- Likes
- 206
,.....................................
Mikesingh
Professional
- Joined
- Sep 7, 2015
- Messages
- 7,353
- Likes
- 30,450
That's Paki flag. Now watch a Paki minister's pants falling down on hearing a gunshot!
And be sure to check this out. The truth how is pants fell!!
- Joined
- Jan 30, 2015
- Messages
- 5,005
- Likes
- 8,881
PETA will never touch muzzies and their slaughter games.Trolling PETA India......................
- Joined
- Jul 12, 2014
- Messages
- 32,091
- Likes
- 148,852
follow this guy on twitter, he is putting out some brilliant stuff....
https://twitter.com/kansaratva
=========================
"When I was growing up the gods were never angry," Eeny said to her friends at a quiet dinner party.
"I know," concurred her friend, Meeny, pouring some more wine for herself.
"Look at what they did to Hanuman!" "I adore Hanuman," said Mynie, "and his cute elephant trunk."
"That's Ganesha, you dunce," said Moh.
"Haven't you seen saffron stickers of angry Hanuman on the back of cabs?"
"Ugh!" said Mynie, disgusted. "Who goes in a cab?"
"The point is," said Eeny, "that Hanuman was always a nonviolent god. Remember how he won over Lanka with love?"
"Didn't he burn the city down?" asked Meeny.
"No, that is what we are made to believe by these militant right-wingers," replied Eeny.
"You must be kidding!" "Hanuman actually lighted Lanka with so many lamps, olive oil ones at that, that the city looked like it's burning."
"Who told you that?" asked Moh, unable to believe this.
"I read it in the book, 'Authentic Mythology of Hindu Deities' by Sanjay Dutt...forgot his last name, some Nayak," said Eeny.
"Unbelievable," said Moh.
"Duh!" retorted Eeny. "It says authentic in the title. It has to be."
Moh phased out and poured herself some more wine.
Meeny picked up a piece of tofu with her fork and said, "I once met an eminent historian who said that Shiva was a nonviolent god too."
"Absolutely," said Eeny, "one more militant right-wing narrative that he is an angry god."
"When Shiva opens his third eye rays of love will spread across the Universe," said Meeny.
"And the moon on his locks," added Eeny, "means peace. Such a secular symbol."
Mynie, who was silent till then, said, "I adore Shiva, and that wheelie-dealie that spins on his finger."
Eeny and Meeny laughed hard, for despite reading books by Kudratey Schuer and the one they called Sanjay Dutt some-Naik, they knew that Mynie was wrong.
"Where did you grow up, Mynie?" they asked, still laughing. "Even Shahid Siddiqui knows better than you about Hindu prophets."
Mynie shrugged her shoulders and said, "I am a poet - for me, poetry is more important than story."
Eeny and Meeny conversed about how the militant right-wing had made Durga an angry goddess in recent years.
"I adore Durga," said Mynie, "and the coins that fall from her hand."
Moh wanted to scream at her friends, but they had always been good to her.
The wine was especially great today.
Eeny's iPhone vibrated on the table. She opened WhatsApp.
"Get the placards ladies," said Eeny. Eeny, Meeny, Mynie, Moh left the hotel without paying the bill. //
https://twitter.com/kansaratva
=========================
"When I was growing up the gods were never angry," Eeny said to her friends at a quiet dinner party.
"I know," concurred her friend, Meeny, pouring some more wine for herself.
"Look at what they did to Hanuman!" "I adore Hanuman," said Mynie, "and his cute elephant trunk."
"That's Ganesha, you dunce," said Moh.
"Haven't you seen saffron stickers of angry Hanuman on the back of cabs?"
"Ugh!" said Mynie, disgusted. "Who goes in a cab?"
"The point is," said Eeny, "that Hanuman was always a nonviolent god. Remember how he won over Lanka with love?"
"Didn't he burn the city down?" asked Meeny.
"No, that is what we are made to believe by these militant right-wingers," replied Eeny.
"You must be kidding!" "Hanuman actually lighted Lanka with so many lamps, olive oil ones at that, that the city looked like it's burning."
"Who told you that?" asked Moh, unable to believe this.
"I read it in the book, 'Authentic Mythology of Hindu Deities' by Sanjay Dutt...forgot his last name, some Nayak," said Eeny.
"Unbelievable," said Moh.
"Duh!" retorted Eeny. "It says authentic in the title. It has to be."
Moh phased out and poured herself some more wine.
Meeny picked up a piece of tofu with her fork and said, "I once met an eminent historian who said that Shiva was a nonviolent god too."
"Absolutely," said Eeny, "one more militant right-wing narrative that he is an angry god."
"When Shiva opens his third eye rays of love will spread across the Universe," said Meeny.
"And the moon on his locks," added Eeny, "means peace. Such a secular symbol."
Mynie, who was silent till then, said, "I adore Shiva, and that wheelie-dealie that spins on his finger."
Eeny and Meeny laughed hard, for despite reading books by Kudratey Schuer and the one they called Sanjay Dutt some-Naik, they knew that Mynie was wrong.
"Where did you grow up, Mynie?" they asked, still laughing. "Even Shahid Siddiqui knows better than you about Hindu prophets."
Mynie shrugged her shoulders and said, "I am a poet - for me, poetry is more important than story."
Eeny and Meeny conversed about how the militant right-wing had made Durga an angry goddess in recent years.
"I adore Durga," said Mynie, "and the coins that fall from her hand."
Moh wanted to scream at her friends, but they had always been good to her.
The wine was especially great today.
Eeny's iPhone vibrated on the table. She opened WhatsApp.
"Get the placards ladies," said Eeny. Eeny, Meeny, Mynie, Moh left the hotel without paying the bill. //
dhananjay1
Senior Member
- Joined
- Mar 10, 2013
- Messages
- 3,291
- Likes
- 5,544
Kudratey Schuer
.
- Joined
- Jul 12, 2014
- Messages
- 32,091
- Likes
- 148,852
Go thru some of his old tweets, he dedicated an entire one to Kudratey Schuer...Kudratey Schuer
| Thread starter | Similar threads | Forum | Replies | Date |
|---|---|---|---|---|
|
History memes and Jokes thread | History & Culture | 33 | |
| D | Defence, Geopolitics memes and jokes | Military Multimedia | 10 | |
|
Memes & Jokes India China Standoff 2020 | Members Corner | 334 | |
|
Social Humour: Jokes on Ramdev after his inflammatory remark | Members Corner | 1 |
