Jokes Thread

[VaghaDeva]

:bounce:

 

[Kshatriya87]

:bounce:

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[VaghaDeva]

The same goatfucking pedophile jizzlamics now in moe form

 

[rockey 71]

TAKE YOUR TEST. WHICH IS THE BEST QUESTION & ANSWER?



Q: What's the difference between a cricketer and a condom?

A: The cricketer drops the catch, and the condom catches the drop


Q: What is the difference between riding a bicycle and riding a woman?

A: To ride a bicycle you fix your ass and move your legs. To ride a

woman you fix your legs and move your ass


Q: What three things are common between the sun and a woman's underwear?


A: Both are hot, both look better while going down and both disappear at

night.


Q: Why do men ask for a woman's hand in marriage?

A: Because they are tired of using their own


Q: What's common between men and video?

A: Both go backward... forward...backward...forward... stop and eject


Q: What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?

A: Your salary, it comes once a month lasts about 5-7 days and if it

doesn't come you are in big trouble .



Q: Who is a gynecologist?

A: He is the only fool on the earth who looks for problems in a place

where most people find pleasure.

 

[DingDong]

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[rockey 71]

Wonderfully described definitions...



CIGARETTE:
A pinch of tobacco
rolled in paper
with fire at one end
and a fool at the other!


MARRIAGE:
It's an agreement
wherein
a man loses his bachelor degree
and a woman gains her master


LECTURE:
An art of transmitting Information
from the notes of the lecturer
to the notes of students
without passing through the minds
of either


CONFERENCE:
The confusion of one man
multiplied by the
number present

 

[rockey 71]

COMPROMISE:
The art of dividing
a cake in such a way that
everybody believes
he got the biggest piece


TEARS:
The hydraulic force by which
masculine will power is
defeated by feminine water-power!


CONFERENCE ROOM:
A place where everybody talks,
nobody listens
and everybody disagrees later on


ECSTASY:
A feeling when you feel
you are going to feel
a feeling
you have never felt before



CLASSIC:
A book
which people praise,
but never read



SMILE:
A curve
that can set
a lot of things straight!


OFFICE:
A place
where you can relax
after your strenuous
home life



YAWN:
The only time
when some married men
ever get to open
their mouth

 

[Illusive]

.

 

[DingDong]

Dedicated to the most hated person on the Indian TV and Internet

The Airtel 4G girl: Sasha Chettri

 

[pmaitra]

See the video first, then see the spoiler.

Spoiler: Comments that made me laugh.

 

[vijaytripoli]

Johnny races into the farmhouse and yells excitedly to his Grandpa, "Hey Grandpa, the bull is fucking the cow!"

Grandpa informs Johnny that he won't tolerate this sort of playground language on his farm and that in future if Johnny wants to inform him about such things, he should say something like, "The bull is surprising the cow."

A few weeks later, Johnny is again visiting the farm. Once again he comes racing in and yells, "Grandpa, the bull is surprising the cows."

Grandpa says to Johnny, "I'm pleased to hear that after my conversation with you a few weeks ago, you have cleaned up your language"

"However, your grammar is not quite correct. It is not "the bull is surprising the cows"; it is "the bull is surprising the cow". The bull can only surprise one cow at a time."

Johnny replies, "No Grandpa, the bull is surprising all the cows because he's fucking the horse!"

 

[Indx TechStyle]

:biggrin2::biggrin2::biggrin2::biggrin2::biggrin2:

 

[Indx TechStyle]

I guess this would help to prevent tearing.

 

[Indx TechStyle]

R.I.P. 30 character rule

 

[rockey 71]

Sorry if it's a repeat ----

How To Tell a Woman's Age!

A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday. She spends $5,000 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving she says to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?"

"About 32," is the reply. "Nope! I'm exactly 50," the woman says happily.
A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question. The girl replies, "I guess about 29." The woman replies, "Nope I'm 50."
Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning question.
The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30." Again she proudly responds, "I am 50, but thank you!"

While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question. He replies, "Lady, I'm 78 and my eye sight is going. Although, when I was young, there was a sure way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are."
They wait in silence on the empty street until curiosity gets the best of her.
She finally blurts out, "What the hell, go ahead."

He slips both of his hands under her BRA and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each one of her... He gently pinches them as well. He pushes her assets together and rubs them against each other.

After a couple of minutes of this, she says, "Okay, okay...How old am I?" He completes one last squeeze of her assets, removes his hands, and says. "Madam, you are 50."
Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was incredible! How could you tell??"

"I was behind you in line at McDonald's."

 

[OrangeFlorian]

 

[salute]

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[OrangeFlorian]

................................................................................ @Razor

 

[asianobserve]

Handle Comes Off UAZ Patriot in front of Putin during Test
http://www.bloomberg.com/news/artic...-off-putin-s-military-upgrade-in-patriot-test

As the president struggled to open the passenger door of a new UAZ Patriot vehicle, General Alexander Shevchenko stepped in and ripped the handle off the truck. “Well done,” Putin said, according to a Lifenews video of the incident, which also showed Chief of the General Staff Valery Gerasimov looking startled.

Unperturbed, the general tossed the handle into the truck through the door’s open window and tried unsuccessfully to open it from the inside. When it refused to budge, he turned to a rear door which opened normally.

 

[Indx TechStyle]

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