Jokes Thread

[Daredevil]

John works in a supermarket. A man came in and asked John for half a kilogram of butter. The boy told him they only sold 1 kg packets of
butter, but the man was persistent. The boy said he'd go ask his
manager what to do.

John walked into the back room and said, "There's a bloody fellow
out there who wants to buy only half a kilo of butter." As he
finished saying this he turned around to find the man standing right
behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman wants to buy the other
half."


The manager finished the deal and later said! to John, "You almost
got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was
impressed with the way you got yourself out of it. You think on your feet, and I like it a lot.

Which place are you from?"

John replied, "I'm from Mexico, sir."

"Oh really? Why did you leave Mexico?" asked the manager.
John replied, "They're all just prostitutes and soccer players up
there."!

"My wife is from Mexico," the manager said.

John replied, "Which team did she play for?

 

[Daredevil]

Betty and Billy are married. While Billy's at work, Betty goes to the tattoo parlor to get a tattoo of their initials on her butt -- a B on one cheek and a B on the other.

When Billy comes home from work, Betty bends over to show him.

Billy asks, "Who's Bob?"

 

[Daredevil]

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[1.44]

lol got this on my cellphone:

Dhirubhai calling from heaven '' So Anil how's reliance mobile working out ?''

Anil ''Can't hear you dad call me on my Airtel number''

 

[tarunraju]

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[tarunraju]

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[Sridhar]

latest Chilli grenade

 

[xebex]

Difference between a Friend and Homie

Friends: Never asks for anything to eat or drink
Homies: Help themselves and are the reason why I have no food

Friends: Would bail you out of jail
Homies: would be sitting next to you sayin' "THAT WAS FUCKING AWESOME!!! Lets do it again!"

Friends: Won't laugh at you.
Homies: Will embarrass your Ass when everyone is around!

Friends: Has never seen you cry
Homies: Won't tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in privately when your not still down.

Friends: Asks you to write down your number.
Homies: Have you on speed dial

Friends: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
Homies: Loses your shit and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

Friends: Only knows a few things about you
Homies: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

Friends: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing
Homies: Will kick the ASS of the enitre crowd that left you.

Friends: Would knock on your front door
Homies: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME"

Friends: Know some of your embarrassing moments...
Homies: Are next to you making them!

Friends: You have to tell them not to tell anyone
Homies: They already know not to tell...

Friends: Are only through highschool
Homies: They are for life

Friends: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough
Homies: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Bitch drink the rest of that you know we don't waste good shit!"

 

[Soham]

This is hilarious ! Must watch !

 

[plugwater]

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[Singh]

I have found the main cause of all ills plaguing humans. 1 out of every 40 of us is a Pakistani

 

[tarunraju]

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[Sridhar]

[FONT=&quot]1st year students of MBBS were attending their 1st anatomy class.
They all gathered around the surgery table with a real dead dog.
The Professor started class by telling two important qualities as a Doctor.
The 1st is that NEVER BE DISGUSTED FOR ANYTHING ABOUT BODY,
e.g. He inserted his finger in dog's mouth & on drawing back tasted it in his own mouth.

Then he said them to do the same.
The students hesitated for several minutes.
But eventually everyone inserted their fingers in dog's mouth & then tasted it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said:
The most important 2nd quality is OBSERVATION, I inserted my Middle finger but tasted the Index finger.
Now learn to pay attention.



[/FONT]

 

[tarunraju]

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[tarunraju]

[FONT=&quot]1st year students of MBBS were attending their 1st anatomy class.
They all gathered around the surgery table with a real dead dog.
The Professor started class by telling two important qualities as a Doctor.
The 1st is that NEVER BE DISGUSTED FOR ANYTHING ABOUT BODY,
e.g. He inserted his finger in dog's mouth & on drawing back tasted it in his own mouth.

Then he said them to do the same.
The students hesitated for several minutes.
But eventually everyone inserted their fingers in dog's mouth & then tasted it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said:
The most important 2nd quality is OBSERVATION, I inserted my Middle finger but tasted the Index finger.
Now learn to pay attention.



[/FONT]

They seem to have toned-down the joke. In the original, he inserts his finger into a dead-body's mouth. What do doctors in an anatomy class have to do with dogs? [wink wink]

 

[plugwater]

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[plugwater]

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[Soham]

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Nice one ! I could never understand that name !

 

[plugwater]

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[plugwater]

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