Jokes Thread

[anoop_mig25]

 

[anoop_mig25]

 

[anoop_mig25]

 

[utubekhiladi]

In the nineties when Rahul Gandhi was pretending to be studying abroad, he got real bored and decided to take up the job of mechanic in a car dealership. A couple bought a car and had the dealership add a few upgrades to it. When they returned to pick up their car, they were told that the keys had been locked inside. Going to the service area, they found the mechanic, who was Rahul Gandhi, feverishly working to open the driver's side door. The woman instinctively tried the passenger side door, only to find it was unlocked. She said, "Hey, it's open!"

Rahul Gandhi replied, "I know. I already got that side."

 

[utubekhiladi]

Do you know why Rahul Gandhi was all excited because he finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months? The box said, "2-4 years."

 

[utubekhiladi]

During the nineties when Rahul Gandhi was generally jobless in US, he was in a plane flying over Arizona on a clear day, the copilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system.

"Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona. It was formed when a lump of nickel and iron, roughly 150 feet in diameter and weighing 300,000 tons struck the earth at about 40,000 miles an hour, scattering white-hot debris for miles in every direction. The hole measures nearly a mile across and is 570 feet deep."

Rahul Gandhi exclaimed to his neighbour, "Wow! It just missed the highway!"

 

[utubekhiladi]

During the nineties when Rahul Gandhi was generally jobless in US, he decided to learn para-jumping. On the first day of training for parachute jumping, he listened intently to the instructor. He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet. Then RG asked,

"How am I supposed to know when I'm at 300 feet?"

"That's a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you can recognize the faces of people on the ground."

After pondering his answer, RG asked, "What happens if there's no one there I know?"

 

[utubekhiladi]

Rahul Gandhi (aka Raul Vinci) was courting Junaita (aka Veronique Carloz). The young couple sat in the parlor of the girl's house night after night, much to the annoyance of old man Carloz. One night he couldn"t take any more. Standing at the top of the stairs, he yelled down, "What's that young fella doin' here all hours of the night?" "Why, Dad, " said Junaita, " Rahul was just telling me everything that's in his heart!" "Well, next time, " roared the old man, "just let him tell you what's in his head, and it won't take half as long!"

 

[W.G.Ewald]

During the nineties when Rahul Gandhi was generally jobless in US, he decided to learn para-jumping. On the first day of training for parachute jumping, he listened intently to the instructor. He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet. Then RG asked,

"How am I supposed to know when I'm at 300 feet?"

"That's a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you can recognize the faces of people on the ground."

After pondering his answer, RG asked, "What happens if there's no one there I know?"

A bunch of new recruits are making their first parachute jump.

The sergeant gives instructions: "After you jump out of the plane, count slowly to 10. Your parachute will automatically open. If it doesn't, pull the emergency cord. When you get to the drop zone, there'll be trucks waiting to take you back to the base. Move out!"

As scared as they are, they all make it out the door.

The last recruit jumps out and slowly counts to 10 -- nothing. He frantically fumbles around and finds the emergency handle. He jerks on the cord, and it comes off in his hand.

Raising his head to the heavens, he screams, "I bet them trucks ain't waiting either!!"

 

[Yusuf]

Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, "surely i can't look that old.".

Well . . . you'll love this one.

My name is Alice. i was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist.

I noticed his DDS diploma on the wall , which bore his full name. suddenly, i remembered a tall , handsome , dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 30-odd years ago. could he be the same guy that i had a secret crush on , way back then?

Upon seeing him , however , i quickly discarded any such thought.

This balding , gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate. after he examined my teeth , i asked him if he had attended morgan park high school .

"Yes. yes, i did. i'm a mustang.' he gleamed with pride.

"When did you graduate?" i asked.

He answered, "in 1975. why do you ask?"

"You were in my class!!!!", i exclaimed.

He looked at me closely.

Then, that ugly, old bald, wrinkled faced,
fat-assed, gray-haired, decrepit, son-of-a-bitch,
asked,

"What did you teach" ???

 

[utubekhiladi]

When Rahul Gandhi was pretending to be studying abroad in the nineties, he received an invitation, to a party which said "Black Tie Only"!!

When he went to the party he was surprised to find the other invitees wearing trousers and shirts as well !!!!

 

[utubekhiladi]

A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a party and his host, Rahul Gandhi, naturally broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease.

"Would you mind telling me, Doctor," Rahul Gandhi asked "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?"

"Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track."

"What sort of question?"

"Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?'

Rahul Gandhi thought for a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."

 

[utubekhiladi]

Rahul Gandhi was touring UP in his 'discovery of India' trip. After posing for the cameras at the school (see above), Rahul Gandhi wanted to pose near a humble eatery and went to eat in ramshackle hotel. To his surprise the owner who came to serve him happened to be one of his (supposed) classmates at LSE.

Rahul Gandhi called him and said 'Aren't you ashamed of working in a seedy joint like this? That too after 'earning' an MPhil from LSE?'

'Not at all,' replied the classmate. 'I would be ashamed if I ate my meal here. I only run this place. If you had actually attended classes, you would have known that real scale lies at the bottom of the pyramid!!'

 

[utubekhiladi]

Before Rahul Gandhi was put on private schooling, he was being sent to a reputed school in Delhi where all the kids used to make jokes about his dumbness. Well, one day Rahul Gandhi just got sick and tired of all the jokes. So one evening he went home and memorized all the state capitals.

Back in the school the next day, some kid started telling a dumb Rahul Gandhi joke. Rahul interrupted him with a shrill announcement,

"I've had it up to here with these jokes about me. I want you to know that I went home last night and did something probably none of you could do"¦I memorized all the state capitals."

One of the kids, of course, said "I don't believe you. What is the capital of Karnataka?"

"K", Rahul Gandhi answered!

 

[utubekhiladi]

Q: How many Congress workers does Rahul Gandhi need to screw in a light bulb?

A: 100: Rahul to attempt it and the hundred to take blame if Rahul failed!!!!

 

[Ankit Purohit]

Please post more and more joke on dumb rahul gandhi

 

[arnabmit]

@utubekhiladi you are as obsessed with RG as a scorned ex. Am loving it!

 

[utubekhiladi]

Rahul Gandhi suspects that his Columbian drug lord girlfriend is cheating on him, so he goes out and buys a gun. He goes to her apartment that same day, with the gun in hand. Sure enough, when he opens the door, he finds his girlfriend in the arms of another man. He points the gun at her at stares her down for a moment. Then, suddenly, he's overcome with grief, so he puts the gun up to the side his head. His girlfriend screams, "Honey, don't do it"¦" Rahul Gandhi yells back, "Shut up! You're next!"

 

[utubekhiladi]

Rahul Gandhi had applied at Harvard University using a lot of diplomatic influence. But still he didn't make it past first round interview. Why?

The interviewer wanted to find out something about Rahul Gandhi's personality so he asked, "If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?" Rahul Gandhi quickly responded, "The living one."

 

[utubekhiladi]

One morning Rahul Gandhi calls his friend and says, "Would you mind coming over and helping me out with this killer jigsaw puzzle I bought — I can't figure out how to get started." His friend asks, "What's the puzzle of?" "From the picture on the box, I'd guess it's a tiger," replied Rahul Gandhi. The friend obliges, and when he arrives Rahul Gandhi greets him at the front door and then shows him the puzzle spread out all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then studies the box. Then, he turns to him and says, "I'm afraid that no matter what I do, I'm not going to be able to show you how to assemble these to look like the picture of the tiger on the box." "Why not?" asks the Rahul Gandhi. "Because, you didn't buy a jigsaw puzzle"¦ what you have here is a box of Tiger brand Corn Flakes."