Jokes Thread

[anoop_mig25]

Well not a joke but truth

 

[anoop_mig25]

 

[anoop_mig25]

 

[anoop_mig25]

 

[sasi]

Deleted out.

 

[Joji]

Ramadhir Singh :thumb:

 

[sasi]

Police Dog
~
A redneck cowboy rides into a town on a hot blistering day riding his horse with his dog following. He ties his horse and the dog under the shade of a tree. The redneck cowboy goes into the bar for a cold beer.
About 20 minutes later a policeman comes in and asks who owns the dog tied under the tree. The Redneck cowboy tells him that its his. The policeman says; "Your dog is in heat".
The redneck cowboy answers;"No way the dogs in heat; he's cool, cause he's tied under the shade of the tree".
The policeman says, "No, you don't understand, your dog needs to be bred".
The redneck cowboy shakes his head and says, "No way the dog needs bread, he's nothungry, I gave him beef jerky this morning".
The policeman finally gets mad and says; "Look, your dog wants to have sex".
The redneck cowboy looks at him and says "Go ahead, I always wanted a police-dog".

 

[sasi]

The Training Session
~
A training session for investigation was held in Virginia for various agencies and at the end an exercise was held. A white bunny was released into the wild and two representatives from differentagencies were sent in to apprehend it.
Two personnel from the CIA went after their bunny and returned in ten minutes.
Then two representatives from the FBI went into the woods and returned an hour later with their bunny.
Then two Bronx homicide detectives were sent into the woods to apprehend their bunny and the hours went by......finally 5 hours later the two Bronx homicide detectives reappear. One is dragging a bear by the scruff of his neck and the other detective is kicking the bear in the balls and the bear is yelling"O.K.....I'm a bunny, I'm a bunny".

 

[sasi]

Sniffer
~
A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat andput his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the man.
The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog was allowed on the plane. The second man explained that he was a DEA agent and that the dog was a 'sniffing dog'. "His name is Sniffer and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work."
The plane took off, and once it has leveled out, the agent said, "Watch this."
He told Sniffer to "search".
Sniffer jumped down, walked along the aisle, and finally satvery purposefully next to a woman for several seconds. Sniffer then returned to his seat and put one paw on the agent's arm. The agent said,"Good boy", and he turned to the man and said, "That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I'm making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land."
"Say, that's pretty neat," replied the first man.
Once again, the agent sent Sniffer to search the aisles. The Lab sniffed about, sat down beside a man for a few seconds, returned to its seat,and this time he placed two paws on the agent's arm. The agent said, "That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'mmaking a note of his seat number for the police."
"I like it!" said his seat mate.
The agent then told Sniffer to"search" again. Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while, sat down for a moment, and then came racing back to the agent, jumped into the middle seat and proceeded to shit all over the place.
The first man was really grossed out by this behavior and couldn't figure out how or why a well-trained dog would behave like that, so he asked the agent "What's going on?"
The agent nervously replied,"He just found a bomb."

 

[sasi]

Dog ***
~
Three retards are walking along the street when they come across a dog turd.
The first one sticks his eye in it and says to the others, "It looks like doggie poo!"
The second one sticks his nose in it and says to the others, "It smells like doggie poo!"
The third one licks it and saysto the others, "It sure tastes like it, good thing we didn't step in it!"

 

[aragorn]

 

[sasi]

Don't Make A Peep
~
John has never gone hunting while Joe has hunted all his life. When they get to the northern Wisconsin woods, Joe tells John to sit by a tree and not make a sound while Joe checks out a deer stand.
After he gets about a quarter of a mile away, Joe hears a blood-curdling scream. He rushes back to John and yells, "I thought I told you to be quiet!"
John says, "Hey, I tried. I really did. When those snakes crawled over me, I didn't make a sound. When that bear was breathing down my neck, I didn't make a sound. But when those two chipmunks crawled up my leg and peep into my pant and said, 'Should we take the nuts with us or eat them here?' I couldn't keep quiet any more!"

 

[sasi]

Bad Gas
~
The President of the United States was to represent the USA on a highly formal, orchestrated "state visit" to Great Britain. Air Force One stopped at a bright red carpet along which the President strode to join Queen Elizabeth II in a beautiful, ornate 17th-century coach hitched to 6 enormous matched white horses. The coach proceeded through the streets en route to Buckingham Palace, the President and the Queen alternating between exchanging pleasantries and waving each out their respective windows to the cheering throngs. At one point, the right rear horse produced a thunderous, cataclysmic fart that reverberated through the air and rattled the doors of the coach.
Presidents and Queens are, first and foremost, human beings. Their first reaction was to focus their attentions outside their respective windows, and behave as if nothing extraordinary had happened. The Queen, steeped in decades of experience living with the mundane and bizarre together, was the first to realize that ignoring what had happened was ridiculous.
"Mr. President, please accept my regrets - - - I'm sure you understand that there are some things that even a Queen cannot control."
President said "Your Majesty, please don't give the matter another thought; why, if you hadn't said something, I would have thought it was one of the horses."

 

[cobra commando]

 

[cobra commando]

 

[cobra commando]

 

[cobra commando]

 

[cobra commando]

 

[Sakal Gharelu Ustad]

Some of the episodes are fun:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSQdAbtZKhw&feature=BFa&list=ELLanZ6xjG8Rk

 

[Cliff@sea]

trust a Saudi to have managed this :shocked: