DFI Jokes

[Sabir]

This conversation took place in shout box between me and LF when some members were discussing installation of AC in battle tank.

Me- , Pakistan will claim now, they have installed toilet in Al-Khalid.

LF- Why? They have Yellow uniforms.

Me- , They can claim anything. Even they can say about installing 5 stars facilities in Al-Khalid.

LF-Of course they can. After their ordinay soldiers run away only the VIP politicians and Generals will man the tank.

Me- , they can even claim installing swimming pool in Al-Khalid.

LF- anyway, toilet paper will be cost effective.

 

[1.44]

Facts about our Admin​

*There is no 'ctrl' button on AV's computer. AV is always in control.

*AV can sneeze with his eyes open.

*AV can kill two stones with one bird.

*AV does not sleep. He waits.

*AV counted to infinity - twice.

*AV is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.(Helps with banning Spammers)

*AV doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

*AV CAN slam a revolving door.(DD's signature is just hot air)

*AV does not get frostbite. AV bites frost.

*AV has two speeds. Walk, and Ban.

*Mods don't ban people. AV bans People.

*The leading causes of death are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Banning by AV 3. Cancer.

*If you ask AV what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he Bans you.

*AV once banned someone so hard that his fingers broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

*CNN was originally created as the "AV Ban network" to update everyone with on-the-spot banning in real-time.

*AV can ban you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their PC's and yell "What The Hell was That?"

*Time waits for no man. Unless that man is AV.

*When AV falls in water, AV doesn't get wet. Water gets AV.

*AV can divide by zero.

*If tapped, a AV ban could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.

*AV invented black ban colour. In fact, he invented all the DFI colours. Except pink. Ahmedsid invented pink.

*Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has been banned by AV"

*If you Google search "AV cannot ban" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.

*The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with AV. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.

*It takes AV 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

*AV has a deep and abiding respect for DFI members ... unless they piss him off.

*James Cameron wanted AV to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

*When AV is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them.

*Thousands of years ago AV came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair.

*AV played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

*Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears AV pajamas.

*Superman once watched AV ban someone. He then cried himself to sleep.

*AV does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.

*AV did in fact, build Rome in a day.

*AV cannot love, he can only not ban.

*According to Einstein's theory of relativity, AV can actually ban you yesterday.

 

[ahmedsid]

Rohit, Now that was lame of you to tell that I invented the color pink! That was so "Unnatural" of you! Ibris will give you a "Hard" time for spreading such malicious lies!!!

 

[1.44]

ahmed why do you say that ??
I worked HARD on that post!!!

 

[Yusuf]

Rohit,
man how did you find the time for all that?

 

[1.44]

Facts about our mod Yusuf​

*Yusuf keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face.

Scotty in Star Trek often says “Ye cannae change the laws of physics.” This is untrue. Yusuf can change the laws of physics. With his fists.

*Tom Clancy has to pay royalties to Yusuf because "The Sum of All Fears" is the name of Yusuf's autobiography.

*Yusuf is expected to win gold in every swimming competition at the 2008 Beijing Olympics, even though Yusuf does not swim. This is because when Yusuf enters the water, the water gets out of his way and Yusuf simply walks across the pool floor.

*The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Yusuf instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Yusuf roundhouse-kicked Sauron’s ass halfway through the first chapter.

*The Sherman tank was originaly called the Yusuf tank until Yusuf decided it wasn't tough enough to be associated with him. The Army, for fear of Yusuf, renamed the tank and promised to develop a weapon more fitting of his name. To date, no weapon created has been badass enough to be named after Yusuf.

*If at first you don't succeed, you're not Yusuf.

*Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Yusuf.

*Yusuf brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol.

*Google won't search for Yusuf because it knows you don't find Yusuf, he finds you.

*Yusuf destroyed the periodic table, because Yusuf only recognizes the element of surprise.

*Yusuf can judge a book by its cover.

*Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Yusuf. Yusuf eats black holes. They taste like chicken.

*As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Yusuf."

*Yusuf does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.

*Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Yusuf needs toothpicks.

*Yusuf smells what the Rock is cooking... because the Rock is Yusuf' personal chef.

*Yusuf does not eat. Food understands that the only safe haven from Yusuf's fists is inside his own body.

*Yusuf uses a night light. Not because Yusuf is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Yusuf.

*When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Yusuf.

*Yusuf once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.

*Yusuf doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

*Everybody loves Raymond. Except Yusuf.

*Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Yusuf while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.

*The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Yusuf. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.

*The truth will set you free. Unless Yusuf has you, in which case, forget it buddy!

*For most people, home is where the heart is. For Yusuf, home is where he stores his collection of human skulls.

*When Yusuf does division, there are no remainders.

*Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Yusuf will beat his ass and take it.

*Guantuanamo Bay, Cuba, is the military code-word for "Yusuf's basement".

*Yusuf does not kick ass and take names. In fact, Yusuf kicks ass and assigns the corpse a number. It is currently recorded to be in the billions.

*There are two types of people in the world... people that suck, and Yusuf.

*Yusuf never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.

*If you were somehow able to land a punch on yusuf your entire arm would shatter upon impact. This is only in theory, since, come on, who in their right mind would try this?

 

[Yusuf]

Why has this space gone quiet?

 

[F-14]

hey 1.44 why dont you make such a doc on zaid hamid shabb

 

[Sabir]

Banner on a Roll

Following conversation took place last night between AV and Ahmedsid...Yes...all of you were offline then....surprisingly....

-AV…are you there?...LOL
-Yes, Ahmed tell me….
-You gonna teach me new tricks…isn’t it?..LOL
-Tricks? Why? Are you feeling bore playing with ban button?
-LOL….actually it is not working anymore…
-Natural….I bet this button is broken off due to overuse…
-LOL…no it is there…with a hole in it….a hole of size of my finger tip.
-My God
-LOL
-Stop this LOL-LOL-LOL…why do you press the button so hard?
-Well…you need to press hard to activate press-once-ban-four command…LOL
-Is it true? I thought it is just a rumour spread by Sabir and Rohit…
-LOL
-Even I am not aware of any such command as an admin..
-Nobody AV…….LOL….I discovered it accidentally …If you press the button harder.. the command remain active until it gets three more to ban…LOL
-Ohhh….Now I understand why Yousuf was complaining….
-What ?....LOL
-That is you were banning people even when you were off-line
-LOL…I pressed the button previous night…It took rest three victims in next morning.
-I see.
-I am thinking of changing my shift in day time. There are very less trolls at night nowadays.
-No wonder…they noticed you active at night. Well check my PM.
-Let me check….LOL……..what is it about?
-It is how you should delete a post.
-LOL….why don’t you show me how to transfer posts from one thread to another. It will be fun…LOL…they will keep on searching their posts.
-AHMED…that is too much…(
-Ok Ok…I will concentrate on deleting posts…LOL
-That is good.
-Can I delete some of Pintu’s posts for practice….LOL..there are lot of them…he would not know….LOL
-No…Ahmed…he keeps count of his posts.
-Then….next in the list….well 1.44 will do…he is sooooo ***…LOL
-May be he too…
-No problem AV….Rohit is banned for a week…when he will comeback he would not remember number of his posts….LOL…I can easily delete few hundreds…
-1.44 is banned? Why?
-For giving wrong national identity…he is a Chinese….LOL
-Chinese? How do you know for sure?
-He could not hide it from me…LOL..he was laughing in Chinese in shout box…
-Laughing in Chinese? What the hell going on here…
-LOL…like this…xixihaha..xixihaha…..and Nsg_Blackcat too
-Nsg too?
-Yes…I have banned him too…….LOL
-Oh..my God….what else?
-I am little angry with Pintu…and DFI Buzz team…LOL
-Why?
-I proposed for something like “Banner on a Roll” like they declare “Poster on a Roll” every week…LOL..they rejected.
-“Banner on a Roll”?
-LOL…there must be something for me too…like other members have…here everybody is a poster, only I am a banner….
-Let me check whether they are safe…I have doubt…
-Don’t worry ….they are just banned for three days…..LOL
-Oh my God….what for Lethal Force is in black…a respected and sincere member like him…and Qsaark too….Are you crazy….
-Well…there must not be Pakistani influence in DFI..LOL..
-What you are talking about…
-Well….there are stars in Pakistani flag. We don’t need stars here. Do we…?
-That is enough….all DFI stars…oh what I do now…
-LOL..
-Stop this I say….f**king LOL-LOL-LOL(……anyone else?
-Yes, Payeng was next to go…for his obscene avatar…LOL
-Obscene? That was a beautiful girl I remember…with mehendi in palms…
-LOL…that is to fool people like you…have you ever thought of the obscene sign the girl is making…
-I don’t need to check Natrajan then…he had a half-naked body builder as avatar…what you say..?
-LOL…some got banned for posting one liners..
-One liners….I must check myself…which thread?
-‘Member’s introduction’…they post like this “Welcome to DFI”, “Have a nice stay here” etc. I hate one liners…
-Now I must faint….Only Sabir seems to be online…why have you spared him..
-LOL..only he cared for me and praised me dedicating a thread on me…
-Hmm….
-And if he keeps on adding his cousins in DFI …LOL….there will be no dearth of members to ban.
-Ahmed they are just kids…and rarely they post…
-They will be banned for that…for being idle…Do we need idle people in India?
-Ahmed …there is something wrong in number of members….
-LOL
-I am smelling a Rat..
-LOL….you have understood….
-Still I want to hear from you…
-Well…only sometimes….not everyday…when I don’t find any troller or spammer …I ban some of the inactive members…does it matter?.....LOL

.......................................I got disconnected here...Damn BSNL...So I dont know how AV saved you atlast....If you log in successfully today...dont forget to thanks AV for that....

 

[ahmedsid]

Sabir, this is classic stuff man! Seriously, you should write a comedy movie or something! It will rock!!!! I was laughing like hell! LOL

 

[Pintu]

What I can say LOL LOL LOL LOL ..................... &

Regards

 

[A.V.]

great work there sabir
really enjoyed the stuff and i an seriously trying to go through all the member list after the scare

 

[Yusuf]

Lol Avi. But I am still smarting from Ahmed taking away my kill. And one more went last nite.

 

[ahmedsid]

Yusuf is heard to have given a Party at home because I am not that regular on DFI since the past few days. He thinks he can take over my Ban quota. But he is mistaken, I am on super stealth mode, his Radars cant lock onto my Signatures! I will ban just about he is going to, and as you all Know, My Ban Button is the Biggest!!! and Its Legendary!

 

[Yusuf]

Guess what? Ahmed just wrote a full para without writing LOL. he replaced it with

 

[ahmedsid]

One more announcement guys, I am not that active now a days, I just wanted to Clarify that I AM NOT GOING THROUGH DE-ADDICTION Programme at a FACILITY for Getting over LOL Syndrome!!!

Some miscreants might spread this rumour, Dont believe them! LOL

 

[F-14]

well there you go agin Mr Sid

 

[1.44]

Lol ahmed lol loooooooooooool

 

[Singh]

killer thread

 

[Yusuf]

Paaji wait till Sabir writes on you.