Jokes Thread

[pmaitra]

Mamata and Center-Fresh!

 

[djuksoni]

Bosnian general, Serbian general and Croatian general talked during the war who has the best soldier.
Bosnian general said: Mine explodes and cut off my soldiers legs. he took a hand granate and crawled to enemy trench and activated it.
Croatian general said: Mine explodes and cut off my soldiers arm and legs. He put a hand granate in his mouth and crawled to enemy trench and activated it.
Serbian general said: that is nothing. Mine explodes and cut off everything, only asshole left, and that asshole went to Banjaluka and sign up himself to university.

 

[LurkerBaba]

 

[pmaitra]

^^ Seriously?

It's like, All roads lead to Rome!

 

[Razor]

^^ Seriously?

It's like, All roads lead to Rome!

It's obviously Photoshopped...

 

[pmaitra]

It's obviously Photoshopped...

Could be, or it could be something like this: Saturday Puzzle #7 РThe K̦nigsberg Bridge Problem | Marc's Space

 

[Razor]

Could be, or it could be something like this: Saturday Puzzle #7 РThe K̦nigsberg Bridge Problem | Marc's Space

That's a different way of looking at it. Thanks.

PS: But seriously you can see the smudging in and around the word 'Kottayam' in the 2nd and 3rd signs.

 

[pmaitra]

That's a different way of looking at it. Thanks.

PS: But seriously you can see the smudging in and around the word 'Kottayam' in the 2nd and 3rd signs.

Yeah, I see that now.

 

[niharjhatn]

Robin Lim
Subscribe · March 17

A reply from CEO of J.P. Morgan to a pretty girl seeking a rich husband

A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum:

Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy?

... I'm going to be honest of what I'm going to say here.

I'm 25 this year. I'm very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above.

You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York.

My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married?

I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you?

Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit.

If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden(?), $250k annual income is not enough.

I'm here humbly to ask a few questions:
1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)
2) Which age group should I target?
3) Why most wives of the riches are only average-looking? I've met a few girls who don't have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys.

4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (my target now is to get married)

Ms. Pretty

A philosophical reply from CEO of J.P. Morgan:

Dear Ms. Pretty,
I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyse your situation as a professional investor.

My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I'm not wasting time here.

From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain.

Put the details aside, what you're trying to do is an exchange of "beauty" and "money" : Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square.

However, there's a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can't be prettier year after year.

Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It's not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worse 10 years later.

By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a "trading position".
If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term - same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or "leased".

Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income.This has better chance than finding a rich fool.

Hope this reply helps.

signed,
J.P. Morgan CE

Damn, and here I am working on my good looks like a sucker

 

[KS]

They are available in Kuwait and used to be an integral part of my breakfast during my stay there...Very tasty.

 

[KS]

Bengali
One Bengali = poet.
Two Bengalis = a political party.
Three Bengalis = film society.
Four Bengalis = two political parties.
More than four Bengali's = Countrywide agitation to bring Ganguli into Team
**********
Bihari
One Bihari = Laloo Prasad Yadav.
Two Biharis = booth-capturing squad.
Three Biharis = caste killing.
Four Biharis = entire literate population of Patna ...
**********
Punjabi
One Punjabi =100 kg hulk named Pinky.
Two Punjabis = Pinky with his bigger brother Twinky.
Three Punjabis = assault on the McAloo Tikkis at the local McDonalds.
Four Punjabis = combined IQ equal to one.
**********
Mallu
One Mallu = tea stall.
Two Mallus = a boat race.
Three Mallus = Gulf job racket.
Four Mallus = hartal.
**********
UP Bhaiyya
One UP bhaiyya = a milkman.
Two UP bhaiyyas = halwai shop.
Three UP bhaiyyas = a fist-fight in the UP assembly.
Four UP bhaiyyas = mosque-destruction squad.
**********
Gujju
One Gujju = share-broker in a Bombay train.
Two Gujjus = rummy game in a Bombay train.
Three Gujjus = Bombay 's noisiest restaurant.
Four Gujjus = stock market scam.
**********
Andhraite
One Andhraite = chili farmer.
Two Andhraites = software company in New Jersey ..
Three Andhraites = Naxalite outfit
.Four Andhraites = song-and-dance number in a Telugu movie.
**********
Kashmiri
One Kashmiri = carpet salesman.
Two Kashmiris = carpet factory.
Three Kashmiris = terrorist outfit.
Four Kashmiris = shoot-at-sight order.
**********
Tamil-Brahmin
One Tam-Brahm = priest at the Vardarajaperumal temple.
Two Tam-Brahms = Maths tuition class
.Three Tam-Brahms = Queue outside the U.S consulate at 4 a.m.
Four Tam-Brahms = Thyagaraja music festival in Santa Clara
**********
Mumbaikar
One Mumbaikar = footpath vada-pav stall.
Two Mumbaikars= film studio.
Three Mumbaikars = slum.
Four Mumbaikars = The number of people standing on your foot in the train at rush hour.
**********
Sindhi
One Sindhi = currency racket.
Two Sindhis = papad factory.
Three Sindhis = duplicate goods shop in Ulhasnagar ...
Four Sindhis = Hong Kong Retail Traders Association.
**********
Marwari
One Marwari = The neighbourhood foodstuffs adulterator.
Two Marwaris = 50% of Calcutta
Three Marwaris = Finish off all Gujaratis & Sindhis.
Four Marwaris = Threaten the Jews as a community.
**********
Haryanvi
One Haryanavi = tube light
Two Haryanavi = agriculture
Three Haryannavi= Lathi squad
Four Haryanavi = actually just one was enough

 

[KS]

 

[KS]

Manmohan Singh and Baba Ramdev were the best...

 

[pmaitra]

Was denn Hundertfünfzig Mark?

For those that understand German!

 

[A chauhan]

Bosnian general, Serbian general and Croatian general talked during the war who has the best soldier.
Bosnian general said: Mine explodes and cut off my soldiers legs. he took a hand granate and crawled to enemy trench and activated it.
Croatian general said: Mine explodes and cut off my soldiers arm and legs. He put a hand granate in his mouth and crawled to enemy trench and activated it.
Serbian general said: that is nothing. Mine explodes and cut off everything, only asshole left, and that asshole went to Banjaluka and sign up himself to university.

 

[Oracle]

A Rich Woman on a Traffic signal to a Beggar:

Arey, I have seen You somewhere...

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Beggar : Memsaab, we are Friends on FACEBOOK...!

 

[Mad Indian]

 

[Mad Indian]

 

[Mad Indian]

 

[anoop_mig25]

not funny and incomplete as well