Jokes Thread

[tarunraju]

 

[Daredevil]

John Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock
(MADE IN JAPAN )
for 6 am.

While his coffeepot
(MADE IN CHINA)
was perking, he shaved with his

electric razor
(MADE IN HONG KONG)
He put on a

dress shirt
(MADE IN SRI LANKA),

designer jeans
(MADE IN SINGAPORE)

and

tennis shoes
(MADE IN KOREA)

After cooking his breakfast in his new
electric skillet
(MADE IN INDIA)

he sat down with his
calculator
(MADE IN MEXICO)

to see how much he could spend today. After setting his
watch (MADE IN TAIWAN )

to the radio
(MADE IN INDIA )

he got in his car
(MADE IN GERMANY )

filled it with GAS
(from Saudi Arabia )

and continued his search
for a good paying AMERICAN JOB.

At the end of yet another discouraging
and fruitless day

checking his
Computer
(made in MALAYSIA ),

John decided to relax for a while.
He put on his sandals
(MADE IN BRAZIL),

poured himself a glass of
wine
(MADE IN FRANCE)

and turned on his
TV
(MADE IN INDONESIA),

and then wondered why he can't

find a good paying job


in AMERICA


AND NOW HE'S HOPING HE CAN GET HELP FROM A PRESIDENT


MADE IN KENYA.

 

[Rebelkid]

Those two girls are HAAWWWTTT.........

 

[plugwater]

 

[tarunraju]

 

[plugwater]

 

[plugwater]

 

[Daredevil]

The Maid Did IT


A guy dials his home and a strange woman answers.

The guy says, "Who is this?"

"This is the maid," answers the woman.

"We don't have a maid," says the man.

The woman says, "I was hired this morning by the woman of the house."

The man says, "Well, this is her husband. Is she there?"

The woman replies, "She is upstairs in the bed room with someone who I figured was her husband."

The guy is fuming and says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?"

The maid asks, "What will I have to do?"

The man tells her, "I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the Bitch and the jerk she's with."

The maid puts the phone down; the man hears footsteps and then two gun shots.

The maid comes back to the phone, "What do I do with the bodies?"

The man says, "Throw them in the swimming pool."

Puzzled, the maid answers, "But you don't have a pool."

A long pause and the man asks, "Is this 261-1382?"

 

[Shaitan]

 

[Daredevil]

 

[Ray]

An elderly man in North Queensland had owned a large farm for several years.

He had a large billabong in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple, and peach trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.

He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!'

The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.'

Holding the bucket up he said,
'I'm here to feed the crocodiles...'

Some old men can still think fast.

"Life is a gift"

 

[Ray]

Cannon Balls

It was necessary to keep a good supply of cannon balls near the cannon on old war ships.. But how to prevent them from rolling about the deck was the problem. The storage method devised was to stack them as a square based pyramid, with one ball on top, resting on four, resting on nine, which rested on sixteen. Thus, a supply of 30 cannon balls could be stacked in a small area right next to the cannon. There was only one problem -- how to prevent the bottom layer from sliding/rolling from under the others. The solution was a metal plate with 16 round indentations, called, for reasons unknown, a Monkey.. But if this plate were made of iron, the iron balls would quickly rust to it. The solution to the rusting problem was to make them of brass - hence, Brass Monkeys.


Few landlubbers realize that brass contracts much more and much faster than iron when chilled..


Consequently, when the temperature dropped too far, the brass indentations would shrink so much that the iron cannon balls would come right off the monkey.

Thus, it was quite literally, cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey. And all this time, people thought that was just a vulgar expression?

 

[Singh]

20 reasons why men are lazy:
1.

 

[tarunraju]

 

[tarunraju]

Comrade Mario

 

[plugwater]

 

[bhramos]

please could you explain the joke in written........
i could understand in doublemeaning only....

 

[Daredevil]

 

[Daredevil]

 

[Daredevil]