StealthSniper
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Jokes Thread
- Thread starter Daredevil
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plugwater
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A wife was making a breakfast of fried
eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the
kitchen.
"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in
some more butter! Oh my GOD!
You're cooking too many at once. TOO
MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter.
Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?
They're going to STICK! Careful . CAREFUL! I said be
CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking!
Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you
LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know
you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE
THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What in the
world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how
to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I just
wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm
driving.
eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the
kitchen.
"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in
some more butter! Oh my GOD!
You're cooking too many at once. TOO
MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter.
Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?
They're going to STICK! Careful . CAREFUL! I said be
CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking!
Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you
LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know
you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE
THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What in the
world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how
to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I just
wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm
driving.
Santa : I couldn't convince my girl to marry me
Banta: Did you tell her you have a crorepati chacha?
Santa: Yes i did....
Banta : what happened ?
santa: She's now my chachi
*************************
What's a girlfriend?
addition of problems,
subtraction of money,
multiplication of enemies and division of friends
************************
not sure if posted before
Banta: Did you tell her you have a crorepati chacha?
Santa: Yes i did....
Banta : what happened ?
santa: She's now my chachi
*************************
What's a girlfriend?
addition of problems,
subtraction of money,
multiplication of enemies and division of friends
************************
not sure if posted before
Sardarji: I divorced my wife on d 1st nite.
Frnd: Why? Sardar: I saw d lebel on her panties, "Tested OK by Mafatlal & Sons."
************************************
Sardarji : my wife is very afraid of water
Frnd :How do you know?
Sardarji : When i went home she was taking a bath in the bathtub with the security guard
************************************
During a blood test, the nurse after extracting the blood from Sardarji's ungli sucked on it.....
Sardarji laughed
Nurse : Why are you laughing?
Sardarji : After this is the urine test
**************************************
Husband and wife having dinner together.
Wife: Tell me something that would make me both happy and sad
Husband : your nipples are better than your sisters.
***************************************
First time before having sex a husband gave his wife Rs.500 and said i have never done this for free.....his wife gave back Rs.300 and said i never charge this much from a relative
***************************************
Judge: Can u tell me d exact place where dis man raped ur wife? Sardar lifted Sardarni's saari & undrwr & said, "Here, my lord, here."
Frnd: Why? Sardar: I saw d lebel on her panties, "Tested OK by Mafatlal & Sons."
************************************
Sardarji : my wife is very afraid of water
Frnd :How do you know?
Sardarji : When i went home she was taking a bath in the bathtub with the security guard
************************************
During a blood test, the nurse after extracting the blood from Sardarji's ungli sucked on it.....
Sardarji laughed
Nurse : Why are you laughing?
Sardarji : After this is the urine test
**************************************
Husband and wife having dinner together.
Wife: Tell me something that would make me both happy and sad
Husband : your nipples are better than your sisters.
***************************************
First time before having sex a husband gave his wife Rs.500 and said i have never done this for free.....his wife gave back Rs.300 and said i never charge this much from a relative
***************************************
Judge: Can u tell me d exact place where dis man raped ur wife? Sardar lifted Sardarni's saari & undrwr & said, "Here, my lord, here."
plugwater
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John Bradford, a Sydney University student, was hitchhiking on a dark night and in the middle of a storm. John could hardly see a few feet ahead of him, but he saw the headlights of an approaching car, traveling slowly towards him. When it stopped he was so desperate for shelter, he jumped into the car and closed the door. He turned to speak to the driver, but there was no-one in the car, and the engine wasn't even on.
The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road and saw a curve approaching. Too scared even to jump out of the car, he started to pray. Then just before he hit the curve, a hand appeared through the window and turned the wheel. John was paralysed with terror, and watched as the hand appeared every time they came to a curve. Eventually he saw the lights of a pub and gathering his strength he jumped out of the car and ran inside.
Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and asked for two shots of tequila, and then started to tell everybody about the horrible experience he had just been through. The bar became silent as they listened to his story. About 15 minutes later, two guys walked in, also wet and very out of breath. Looking around, they saw John at the bar, and one said to the other, "Look Bruce - there's that ****ing ***** who got in the car while we were pushing it."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A bear, a lion and a chicken meet.Bear says: "if I roar in the forest, the entire forest shivers withfear."Lion says: "if I roar in the desert, the entire desert is afraid of me."Says the chicken: "big deal I only have to cough, and the entire planetsh!t's itself."
The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road and saw a curve approaching. Too scared even to jump out of the car, he started to pray. Then just before he hit the curve, a hand appeared through the window and turned the wheel. John was paralysed with terror, and watched as the hand appeared every time they came to a curve. Eventually he saw the lights of a pub and gathering his strength he jumped out of the car and ran inside.
Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and asked for two shots of tequila, and then started to tell everybody about the horrible experience he had just been through. The bar became silent as they listened to his story. About 15 minutes later, two guys walked in, also wet and very out of breath. Looking around, they saw John at the bar, and one said to the other, "Look Bruce - there's that ****ing ***** who got in the car while we were pushing it."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A bear, a lion and a chicken meet.Bear says: "if I roar in the forest, the entire forest shivers withfear."Lion says: "if I roar in the desert, the entire desert is afraid of me."Says the chicken: "big deal I only have to cough, and the entire planetsh!t's itself."
plugwater
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A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bar has a robot bartender.
The robot serves him a perfectly prepared cocktail, and then asks him, "What's your IQ?"
The man replies "150" and the robot proceeds to make conversation about global warming factors, quantum physics and spirituality, biomimicry, environmental interconnectedness, string theory, and nano-technology.
The customer is very impressed and thinks, "This is really cool."
He decides to test the robot. He walks out of the bar, turns around, and comes back in for another drink.
Again, the robot serves him the perfectly prepared drink and asks him, "What's your IQ?"
The man responds, "About a 100."
Immediately the robot starts talking, but this time, about football, NASCAR, baseball, supermodels, favorite fast foods and guns.
Really impressed, the man leaves the bar and decides to give the robot one more test. He heads out and returns; the robot serves him and asks, "What's your IQ?"
The man replies, "Er, 50, I think."
And the robot says....... real slowly, "So............... ya gonna vote for Bush again?"
The robot serves him a perfectly prepared cocktail, and then asks him, "What's your IQ?"
The man replies "150" and the robot proceeds to make conversation about global warming factors, quantum physics and spirituality, biomimicry, environmental interconnectedness, string theory, and nano-technology.
The customer is very impressed and thinks, "This is really cool."
He decides to test the robot. He walks out of the bar, turns around, and comes back in for another drink.
Again, the robot serves him the perfectly prepared drink and asks him, "What's your IQ?"
The man responds, "About a 100."
Immediately the robot starts talking, but this time, about football, NASCAR, baseball, supermodels, favorite fast foods and guns.
Really impressed, the man leaves the bar and decides to give the robot one more test. He heads out and returns; the robot serves him and asks, "What's your IQ?"
The man replies, "Er, 50, I think."
And the robot says....... real slowly, "So............... ya gonna vote for Bush again?"
plugwater
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George Bush goes to a primary school to talk to the kids to get a little Page Ranking.
After his talk he offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him his name.
"Stanley," responds the little boy.
"And what is your question, Stanley?"
"I have 4 questions:
First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?
Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?
Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?"
Fourth, why are we so worried about gay-marriage when 1/3 of all Americans don't have health insurance?
Just then, the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.
When they resume George says, "OK, where were we? Oh, that's right, question time. Who has a question?"
Another little boy puts up his hand. George points him out and asks him his name.
"Steve," he responds.
"And what is your question, Steve?"
"Actually, I have 6 questions.
First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?
Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?
Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?
Fourth, why are we so worried about gay marriage when 1/3 of all Americans don't have health insurance?
Fifth, why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?
And sixth, what the hell happened to Stanley?
After his talk he offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him his name.
"Stanley," responds the little boy.
"And what is your question, Stanley?"
"I have 4 questions:
First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?
Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?
Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?"
Fourth, why are we so worried about gay-marriage when 1/3 of all Americans don't have health insurance?
Just then, the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.
When they resume George says, "OK, where were we? Oh, that's right, question time. Who has a question?"
Another little boy puts up his hand. George points him out and asks him his name.
"Steve," he responds.
"And what is your question, Steve?"
"Actually, I have 6 questions.
First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?
Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?
Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?
Fourth, why are we so worried about gay marriage when 1/3 of all Americans don't have health insurance?
Fifth, why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?
And sixth, what the hell happened to Stanley?
plugwater
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Cheney is briefing George Bush in the Oval Office.
"Oh and finally, sir, five Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq
today."
Bush goes pale, his jaw hanging open in stunned disbelief. He buries
his
face in his hands, muttering "My God...My God".
"Mr. President," says Cheney, "we lose soldiers all the time, and it's
terrible, but I've never seen you so upset. What's the matter?"
Bush looks up and asks, "Cheney, how many is a Brazilian?"
"Oh and finally, sir, five Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq
today."
Bush goes pale, his jaw hanging open in stunned disbelief. He buries
his
face in his hands, muttering "My God...My God".
"Mr. President," says Cheney, "we lose soldiers all the time, and it's
terrible, but I've never seen you so upset. What's the matter?"
Bush looks up and asks, "Cheney, how many is a Brazilian?"
StealthSniper
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StealthSniper
Senior Member
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once a yankee and russian met in a cafe in london ,yankee said that my wife drives a volvo for going to the market ,i drive ford for work and we will hire volkswagen to see europe ,to that russian replied ,my wife takes public transport for going to the market and i take company transport to go for work and we will see europe on T-72 tank
that joke was in reader digest 1991 issue
that joke was in reader digest 1991 issue
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Literal music video
friggin hilarious
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lj-x9ygQEGA
"Total eclipse of my heart"
friggin hilarious
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lj-x9ygQEGA
"Total eclipse of my heart"
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HTPko-aXvJM
another literal video this time it's" i would do anything for love" by meatloaf.
another literal video this time it's" i would do anything for love" by meatloaf.
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