Jokes Thread

[drkrn]

Rahul Gandhi had applied at Harvard University using a lot of diplomatic influence. But still he didn't make it past first round interview. Why?

The interviewer wanted to find out something about Rahul Gandhi's personality so he asked, "If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?" Rahul Gandhi quickly responded, "The living one."

 

[drkrn]

Rahul Gandhi decides to attend a charity fund raiser program attended by only Congress party sycophants and their paid media. He was called down to answer questions to see if he could win Rs. 100,000. The first question was what is 10 plus 11? He hesitates and says, hm.. 5! The host says no I'm sorry that's incorrect. All of Congie sycophants in the stadium chanted "Give him another chance, give him another chance!" So the host agrees and said, "ok how about 5 plus 5." Rahul Gandhi answers and says 20. Again all the Congie sycophants chanted give him another chance, give him another chance. So the host agrees again and says, ok last chance, what is 2 plus 2. Rahul Gandhi says 4! and the audience says Give him another chance give him another chance!

 

[drkrn]

Rahul Gandhi comes home from a day of shopping and discovers that his house is on fire, so he calls the fire department on his cell phone. "Please state the nature of your emergency," says the operator. "Help! My house is on fire!" Rahul Gandhi replies. "Okay, where do you live?" "In a house you silly billy!" Rahul Gandhi replies. "No,no! How do we get there?" the operator asks frustratedly. "Duh! Big Red Truck!!"

 

[W.G.Ewald]

 

[drkrn]

In the nineties when Rahul Gandhi was pretending to be studying abroad, he got real bored and decided to take up the job as a data entry operator. During his company's periodic password audit, Rahul Gandhi was found to be using this password:

GoofyHueyLouieDeweyDaisyDonaldMickeyMinnieDelhi

When he was asked why he had such a long password, RG said, "The boss said that my password had to be at least eight characters long and have at least one capital."

 

[drkrn]

Rahul Gandhi was standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. Varun Gandhi walked by and asked him what he was doing. "I am supposed to measure the height of this flagpole," said Rahul Gandhi, "but I don't have a ladder." Varun Gandhi took a wrench from his bag and loosened some bolts Rahul Gandhi helped him lay down the flagpole. Then Varun Gandhi got a tape measure his bag, took a measurement and said, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away. Rahul Gandhi shook his head and laughed. "Isn't that just like a Sangh Parivar -wala? I ask for the height and he gives me the length!"

 

[drkrn]

Q: What is the difference between UFOs and Rahul Gandhi's views on economy?
A: There have been reported sightings of UFOs.

 

[drkrn]

Rahul Gandhi goes to a football game and finds his place in the bleachers. After a while, someone far behind him yells, "Hey, George." Rahul Gandhi gets up and scans the crowd behind him. Not seeing anyone he recognizes, he sits down. Sometime later, someone yells again, "Hey, George." Rahul Gandhi gets up again and looks around. Seeing no one he knows, he sits down.

A third time someone yells, "Hey, George."

Finally Rahul Gandhi gets up, turns around and yells back, "Knock it off! My name's not George."

 

[drkrn]

Q: What does Rahul Gandhi and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

 

[drkrn]

Rahul Gandhi was once holidaying in US with his Colombian (drug lord) girlfriend Junaita (aka Veronique Carloz), they witness a terrible accident on an isolated freeway in which a man was profusely wounded. Junaita went to check on the injured man and asked RG to drive up to nearest phone booth and call nine-eleven. For a very long time, no ambulance arrived and the poor man died. After all this RG returned back and Junaita asked him 'Didn't you find any phone booth?" RG said "I went to at least 5 booths, all phones have a '9' key but none of them have a '11' key. How could I call nine-eleven?"

 

[drkrn]

Q: How do you know that a fax came from Rahul Gandhi?
A: There is a stamp on it.

 

[drkrn]

Rahul Gandhi was sitting with Lallu Yadav when Mayawati came to Lallu's house with a goat.

Lallu: Bhaiswa ko kyon layi ho?

Maya: Dikhta nahin goatwa hai?

Lallu: Hum goatwa se hi to pooch raha hoon.

 

[drkrn]

When Rahul Gandhi, Congerss' PM candidate was pretending to be studying abroad in the nineties and one day he noticed a gorgeous blonde sitting by herself in a corner of the bar. As he was getting up to talk to her.

Bartender : "Hey don't worry about her, She is lesbian!"

Rahul Gandhi: "Lesbian or no lesbian, I get them all"

"¦.and he stylishly holding his whiskey in his left hand walked to her table. Then leaping forward in a very sexy voice he says.

"Honey where exactly in Lesbia, you from?"

 

[drkrn]

Q: Why would Lallu Yadav support Rahul Gandhi for Prime Minister post?

A: Rahul Gandhi has promised that he will declare Lallu as the national animal of India if he becomes PM!!

 

[drkrn]

Q: Why do Rahul Gandhi and Diggy Singh hate the internet?

A: Because it has 'RSS links'!!

 

[drkrn]

Q: How many Congress workers does Rahul Gandhi need to screw in a light bulb?

A: 100: Rahul to attempt it and the hundred to take blame if Rahul failed!!!!

 

[drkrn]

Before Rahul Gandhi was put on private schooling, he was being sent to a reputed school in Delhi where all the kids used to make jokes about his dumbness. Well, one day Rahul Gandhi just got sick and tired of all the jokes. So one evening he went home and memorized all the state capitals.

Back in the school the next day, some kid started telling a dumb Rahul Gandhi joke. Rahul interrupted him with a shrill announcement,

"I've had it up to here with these jokes about me. I want you to know that I went home last night and did something probably none of you could do"¦I memorized all the state capitals."

One of the kids, of course, said "I don't believe you. What is the capital of Karnataka?"

"K", Rahul Gandhi answered!

 

[drkrn]

Rahul Gandhi was touring UP in his 'discovery of India' trip. After posing for the cameras eating at a 'Dalit' home, he decided to visit the village school for more Kodak moments to be taken by the media cronies. He went to the class and declared that anybody can ask him questions.

One boy asked "How does a boat float?"

Rahul Gandhi thought for a moment, then replied, "Don't rightly know, kid."

The boy returned to his contemplation, but soon came up with another one, "How do fish breathe underwater?"

Once again Rahul Gandhi replied, "Don't rightly know, kid."

A little later the boy asked Rahul Gandhi, "Why is the sky blue?"

Again, Rahul Gandhi replied, "Don't rightly know, kid."

Worried he was going to annoy this big man, he said, "Sir, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?"

Rahul Gandhi immediately assured him, "Of course not, kid. If you don't ask questions, you'll never learn anything!"

 

[drkrn]

 

[AVERAGE INDIAN]