Jokes Thread
- Thread starter Daredevil
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If this is what FDI stands for then we're all in 
sasi
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The President's Clock
~
Hillary Clinton dies and goes to Heaven. She meets St. Peter at the Gates, and notices thousands of clocks.
"What are all these clocks for?" she asks St. Peter.
"Each person has one," he replied. "They start at midnight, and every time someone tells a lie, it moves ahead one minute. This one is Mother Teresa's. She never lied, so it never moved. This one is George Washington's. He told only two, so it is at two minutes past midnight."
Hillary looks around and asks, "So, where is Bill's clock?"
"Oh ,"St. Peter chuckled," Jesus has that one in his office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."
~
Hillary Clinton dies and goes to Heaven. She meets St. Peter at the Gates, and notices thousands of clocks.
"What are all these clocks for?" she asks St. Peter.
"Each person has one," he replied. "They start at midnight, and every time someone tells a lie, it moves ahead one minute. This one is Mother Teresa's. She never lied, so it never moved. This one is George Washington's. He told only two, so it is at two minutes past midnight."
Hillary looks around and asks, "So, where is Bill's clock?"
"Oh ,"St. Peter chuckled," Jesus has that one in his office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."
sasi
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A Wet One !
~
A plane was taking off from the airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the Captain made an announcement over the intercom:
"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your Captain. Welcome to Flight number 293, non-stop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good, and therefore we should have a smooth flight, Now sit back and relax.
SUDDENLY...AY....AW.... AY....AWE..., OH MY GOD!"
Silence.
Then, the Captain came back on the intercom.
"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so sorry if I scared you earlier, but while I was talking, the flight attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled it in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"
"That's nothing," said a passenger in coach. "He should see the back of mine !"
~
A plane was taking off from the airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the Captain made an announcement over the intercom:
"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your Captain. Welcome to Flight number 293, non-stop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good, and therefore we should have a smooth flight, Now sit back and relax.
SUDDENLY...AY....AW.... AY....AWE..., OH MY GOD!"
Silence.
Then, the Captain came back on the intercom.
"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so sorry if I scared you earlier, but while I was talking, the flight attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled it in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"
"That's nothing," said a passenger in coach. "He should see the back of mine !"
sasi
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Hillary and Janet Reno
~
First Lady Hillary Clinton and Attorney General Janet Reno were having
one of those girl to girl talks.
Hillary says to Janet,"You're lucky
that you don't have to put up with men having sex with you. I have to put up with Bill, and there is no telling where he last had his pecker."
Janet responded. "Just because I am considered ugly, doesn't mean I don't have to fight off unwelcome sexual advances."
Hillary asks, "Well how do you deal with the problem?"
Janet: "Whenever I feel that a guy is getting ready to make a pass at me, I muster all my might and squeeze out the loudest, nastiest, fart I can." And believe me, that takes the wind out of his sails, so to speak!
Hillary was impressed and thanks the Attorney General for her sage advice and
hurried home.
Well, that night, Bill was already in bed with the lights out when Hillary headed for bed. She could hear him start to stir, and knew that he would be wanting some action. She had been saving her farts all day, and was ready for him. She tenses up her butt cheeks and forces outthe most disgusting sounding fart you could imagine.
Bill rolls over and says,"Is that you Janet?."
~
First Lady Hillary Clinton and Attorney General Janet Reno were having
one of those girl to girl talks.
Hillary says to Janet,"You're lucky
that you don't have to put up with men having sex with you. I have to put up with Bill, and there is no telling where he last had his pecker."
Janet responded. "Just because I am considered ugly, doesn't mean I don't have to fight off unwelcome sexual advances."
Hillary asks, "Well how do you deal with the problem?"
Janet: "Whenever I feel that a guy is getting ready to make a pass at me, I muster all my might and squeeze out the loudest, nastiest, fart I can." And believe me, that takes the wind out of his sails, so to speak!
Hillary was impressed and thanks the Attorney General for her sage advice and
hurried home.
Well, that night, Bill was already in bed with the lights out when Hillary headed for bed. She could hear him start to stir, and knew that he would be wanting some action. She had been saving her farts all day, and was ready for him. She tenses up her butt cheeks and forces outthe most disgusting sounding fart you could imagine.
Bill rolls over and says,"Is that you Janet?."
Victor Sierra
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