So
@Rashna
First lets get the "misogyny and patriarchy" crap out of the way.
1. I am really big on career-oriented girls. I have always looked only for ladies who are independent, educated, intelligent, have a good career. I don't even like the stereotypical "gaav ki kadki". If a man looks for a "free maid", the feminist crowd jumps and calls him "patriarchal and misogynist". I am quite the opposite, so by definition, I cannot be accused of that charge.
2. I do not expect dowry, and the last 3 recorded generations in my family have not taken dowry. In my case, as in the case of most people in my community, the preference is for educated working girls who earn their own living. If a man asks for dowry, he is not only derided by the feminists as "patriarchal Hindutva fascist", but is also a criminal, by Indian law. Since I do not ask/expect that, I am not a "patriarchal Hindutva fascist" either.
3. I do not control/restrict movement. I do not make demands like, "stop going there, stop meeting him/her, stop interacting with him, your phone better not be busy for so long". The feminist crowd cannot even accuse me of being a "woman-controlling cruel man".
4. I do not even expect/demand that "my woman should be a virgin". All I ask is that there should be no ghosts from the past which can influence the present, and what happened in the past should be well and truly buried. So, the feminists have to concede that I am as liberal as liberal can be in our societal context.
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With that out of the way, after having established that I am not a "male chauvinist misogynistic patriarchal Hindutva fascist Indian male", lets address your question about the specifics.
1. It is simply a question of expecting to be treated the way I treat you. When I respect your "individualism" to such a great extent, I expect mine to be respected too. I don't want crap questions about why I am going out for lunch with this colleague or that, why I am talking to this person or that, etc. Especially when such questions never arose in the initial days of the relationship. Verily, that saying is true - "familiarity breeds contempt". As the days progress, there is always a desire to question activities and decisions, which never used to happen in the early days.
2. Worse is the ever-increasing expectations. Initially when one expresses inability, there is a polite understanding or a small expression of regret. In subsequent days, its all about "why didn't you come yesterday, why can't you take me here, why can't we go there, why don't you stop all that nonsense you do and give more attention here, etc." For a person who is in a highly demanding stressful full-time job while simultaneously striving hard to set up a business (working two jobs effectively), and with the added stress of driving from one corner of the city to the other, its never easy to "drop all the nonsense, drop everything and do what is asked".
3. I am not even talking about financial stuff here. Considering that I earn 6 times more than her, "going Dutch" isn't fair, that would be like NehruGandhi socialist economics. And neither do I have a problem with not "going Dutch" - the old-fashioned "chivalry" is good for me. I am speaking only about non-financial aspects here.
4. For me, as for everyone, life has many aspects. There is my job, my aspiring entrepreneurship, my circle of friends (who have been with me much longer than any relationship), my colleagues, my folks at home, my books, and of course social media Twitter DFI etc. I consider my relationship as one of the aspects of my existence. A very important aspect no doubt - but expecting that I focus exclusively on that one aspect of my existence to the detriment of all others is really unreasonably, especially since this demand was not present in the early days. Again probably a case of "familiarity breeds contempt".
5. I have had an experience in the past where my partner made it clear that she wanted to sit back and relax after marriage, and "take the advantage of being a woman". But hey, had you been this open about it earlier I wouldn't even have fallen for you! As explained earlier, I don't want such a person. Now will you tell me that I am "curbing the individualism of the girl"? Strange no - if a man asks for a "free maid" he is patriarchal and misogynistic. If he asks for a career woman he is still patriarchal and misogynistic!! Or probably you would have me believe that #MyChoice is exclusively a woman's privilege. I am not allowed to have any choice of my own, and should go with whatever the girl's choice is.
So, stuff like this invariably starts happening sooner or later. And that was my original question
@Rashna, from where all this started. I was asking a rhetorical question about why I should get married at all, when I know where it will lead to eventually. But then, I also said that it is essential for the purpose of reproduction, the having-someone-to-go-home-to factor, and for sexual needs. I was wondering aloud whether there could be an innovative solution for societies where every individual can take the benefits of a relationship, yet ensure that their individualism and liberty is not lost. For both genders. For the betterment and happiness of both genders.
Mind you, I never proposed any solution or any model. I just asked a hypothetical question, throwing it open for debate. And look where you took it - "expecting educated girls to behave like dumb dolls", "Indian male who is not grown up", "ignoring woman's individualism", etc. etc. etc.