Lose face is a Chinese term, right? It seems you are learning it in a incorrect way. You cant decide if other lose face, only themselves can.
It accords to diplomatic manner for Michelle to show up, that is certainly true. But just because American first lady failed to follow the rules, does not mean we Chinese lost face. Because it is apparent that Xi and Peng had no problem with Michelle's absence and didnt take it as a big deal. As much as you guys wish to make a big fuss over it, Peng dont care.
Therefore, no face was lost for Peng.
Even if Michelle's absence wasn't the original plan as you might argue, the American spokeman disclosed that detail before Xi went to America. At that point, if Peng felt betrayed, she could mostly avoid the meeting. It is not that she had no choice, in fact she certainly had. Xi and Peng's only daughter is now studying in Harvard, Peng could have visited her daughter just like Michelle. But she didnt, it speaks volume of Peng's attitude toward Michelle's absence.
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