Jokes Thread

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[Razor]

1995 MTV Movie Awards Parody - Pulp Fiction - YouTube

 

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Ain't nobody got time fo that !

 

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[sesha_maruthi27]

farhan_9909 says: PAKISTAN IS READY TO NUKE INDIA AND INDIANS ARE COWARDS......

"lol as if we are afraid of you

if so was the case than why the hell pakistan was offensive in all the previous wars?
why despite we being many times less in number has engaged with you at offensive level?
why do we not consider indian as human beings?why?

american spared us?had you read the article the day pakistan was close to nuke india?

We were ready to nuke you guys..probably it was your luck that the Delivery system had faulty guidense back than.

but mind it.this is not the case this time.but this would happen most probably in the 2019 war.
since we will give our civilian a chance to fight against indians armed forces in the 2015-16 war"

 

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(Repost)

 

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[drkrn]

Jack participated in a competition for writing the shortest story. The organizers had put a condition that the story must have four ingredients i.e. religion, sex, suspense and mystery.

Jack's turn came after many attempts by others. Jack read out his story, which comprised just one sentence: "Oh god, my wife is going to deliver a child."

Ostensibly amused, the organizers asked Jack to explain how it contained all the four ingredients.

Jack gave his explanation: "Religion is denoted by the words 'Oh God'. 'My wife' refers to sex. And 'going to deliver a child' indicates suspense - whether a girl or a boy."

Amused one of the organizers asked: "Okay... but where is the mystery?"

Jack replied, "Don't you see. There is no mention who is the father?"

 

[drkrn]

:thumb: for chinese english

A friend went to Beijing recently and was given this brochure by the hotel. It is precious. She is keeping it and reading it whenever she feels depressed. Obviously, it has been translated directly, word for word from Mandarin to English...

Getting There:
Our representative will make you wait at the airport. The bus to the hotel runs along the lake shore. Soon you will feel pleasure in passing water. You will know that you are getting near the hotel, because you will go round the bend. The manager will await you in the entrance hall. He always tries to have intercourse with all new guests.

The Hotel:
This is a family hotel, so children are very welcome. We of course are always pleased to accept adultery. Highly skilled nurses are available in the evenings to put down your children. Guests are invited to conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others. But please note that ladies are not allowed to have babies in the bar. We organize social games, so no guest is ever left alone to play with them self.

The Restaurant:
Our menus have been carefully chosen to be ordinary and unexciting. At dinner, our quartet will circulate from table to table, and fiddle with you. Your Room:
Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In winter, every room is on heat. Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity! You will not be disturbed by traffic noise, since the road between the hotel and the lake is used only by pederasts.

Bed:
Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition. If you have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid. Please take advantage of her. She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear. If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers.

Above all:
When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope. You will struggle to forget it."