Rum, Bum and Mouthorgan and other Indian Army stories

Discussion in 'Indian Army' started by Ray, Feb 20, 2012.

  1. kseeker

    kseeker Retired

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    @Ray Sir,

    :hail: Awesome narration ! I felt as if, I am not reading but seeing the things in front of me !

    I have read all the posts in this thread, out of them " Shabhash Bete " was stupendous one :thumb:

    I must admit that, I had to refer dictionary very often while reading your posts :namaste:

    Would love to read more such stories (your real life experiences)...
     
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  2. Ray

    Ray The Chairman Defence Professionals Moderator

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    I have just checked the stories I have appended and found some are posted before. However, the second versions are re-worked and that is the saving grace.

    Will check the vault for more stories that I have written.
     
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  3. kseeker

    kseeker Retired

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    Thank you Sir :)
     
  4. Ray

    Ray The Chairman Defence Professionals Moderator

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    QUALIFICATION FOR SENIOR RANKS


    It was a blasphemous thought that I would be promoted.

    Tilting at windmills like Don Quixote was hardly the way to success. And I had boss from the Armoured Corps who was reinforced with Chobam/ Kanchen armour on his turret! And his name ended with ‘Naini’. We used to call him Nanny Goat since he was a great nag. He acted like a Nanny and always got our goat, as so it was appropriate to call him a Nanny Goat!

    Given that I did not like Nanny and he realised that, therefore, my chances for promotion was really very slim, if not nonexistent.

    No wonder then that I was shaken out of my pants when Doris rang me up to tell me that I was ‘through’. Through what? Through making a mess of my career?

    Doris was my coursemate posted at the Military Secretary’s Branch that handles postings and promotions and career planning!

    “So, Doris, I should call it quits?” I asked.

    “No, old boy, you have made it!” he shouted with genuine pleasure on the phone, and that phone was not giving the best of results dampening the static.

    “Made what? Another senior being admitted to the loony bin?”

    “Cut you silly humour out, old chap. You have been promoted”

    It is then that I realised and it dawned on me that our Promotion Board had taken place. The Keen Kumars were always talking about it, but then I never bothered since it was impossibility with me, given the manner how my seniors had endorsed that I was the material that would go far, the further I went, the better!

    “Can’t be Doris, you know my record of service”.

    “That is true. What is your IC Number (personal number, that is)?”

    As I mentioned earlier, I was always tilting at moral windmills. I had no hope in hell, more so with that Armoured Corps boss whose head could stave off a top attack missile. And so, I was quite reconciled to the fact that I had but only a slim chance.

    Therefore, it was indeed a pleasant surprise, when Colonel ‘Doris’ Deore, a course-mate and a regimental comrade in the Military Secretary’s Branch , rang me to inform that I had been approved to be Brigadier, having double checked my ‘IC’ Number (personal number which is different for each officer) with me and reconfirmed that extraordinarily my IC number coincided with the name! But then there was this hitch! The confusion could be with those who did not match the name with the IC number beccuase the computer could only feed the expanded initials of my name, the surname being too long and hence rejected by the computer!

    Doris was initially doubtful because the second initial ‘Kumar’ could have been that of any North Indian as also it was very doubtful that I could ever have ‘made it’. After all, a ‘Kumar’ like the surname ‘Singh’ which could be anything but a prince or a lion or respectively (in Hindi) and these were popular appendages for those from up country. I was not even an up country chap!

    I was still not convinced that I had made it to the next rank. Seeing, as they say is, after all, in believing! The list had not arrived at our Headquarters in Pune where I was posted.

    I did not make a song and dance about it as one does when delightedly shocked with such good news. Or that false depreciative smirk that those who are promoted wear!

    I decided to wait for the official result before I made the announcement. It would also have the desired effect. I wanted some jump into their graves out of shock! The only name that floated for such a wonderful ‘shocking’ demise was that of my boss and none else.

    The others who had ‘made it’ to the next rank and who had unofficially come to know of the board results naturally shared the good news with all and sundry. None crossed my path lest it was embarrassing to them, as also to me.

    The Promotion Board results came. My name, though in a corrupted form, was also amongst the successful candidates. I made doubly sure by checking the IC Number.

    I decided to keep it under wraps. I wanted the guys to be shocked out of their pants when they knew it from sources other than me, since all knew that my boss had ‘booked’ me as he did the other Colonels General Staff.

    This ‘secret’ was kept a secret by me. During routine meeting with others, none even raised the subject of my having not ‘made it’ and ‘having missed the boat’. Some were disappointed that I was ‘left out in the cold’ and some weren’t. This ‘secret’ remained so for about one month. Then, my promotion cum posting order came.

    It was a shock to all. Here was I, as if in total oblivion, of my having been promoted and extraordinarily I had not made an attempt to even know of it! It was a shock to them since my ‘inactivity’ of not exulting, it coming as a surprise, was indeed an unnatural response.

    As soon as the promotion cum posting order, it became common knowledge in the HQ. Many friends found themselves embarrassed. They could not believe that they had missed my name when the ‘approved for promotion’ list had come earlier about a month or more ago. They rechecked the list. They were more surprised that the promotion cum posting order had come and yet my name did not appear! There had to be something wrong. They were more worried that someone in the Military Secretary’s Branch had blundered – almost like the chap who ordered the Charge of the Light Brigade!

    They still did not come to congratulate me lest the amendment came cancelling the promotion order. Their dilemma was compounded since they were convinced that I had no hope in hell to ‘make it’. Thus, they followed the dictum that discretion is the better part of valour.

    The word of mouth telegraph system is faster than the written word. While everyone knew, I did not know of my posting cum promotion officially. I had seen it because a Clerk had brought it for me ‘unofficially’. Hence, while the whole HQ knew that I had been promoted and was being posted to assume my new appointment, I ‘apparently’ was in the dark! I would know it after the senior officers had seen the ‘dak’ (mail) and that took about two days, the HQ being a large one.

    One of my juniors ‘in the know’ could not take this situation any more. He came over to my office.

    While I insisted on morality in the system and would, without mincing words speak out my mind, I was quite liberal in my interactivity with my juniors and peers. I encouraged dissenting views to my own since it allowed me to take considered views while taking decisions. Hence, I had folks who had felt genuinely sorry for me.

    This officer, who entered my office, was one such person who was a genuine well wisher and who thought that the suspense had gone too far.

    The officer came in. He saluted as per the procedure. I got a trifle apprehensive since the salute was too perfect. Perfection somehow harbingers unpleasant news. And so I was uncomfortable. I told him to sit down.

    Instead of sitting down, he asked if he could come across the table. He claimed that he wanted to inform me something important but would only do so after checking its authenticity.

    That was odd. What authenticity could he check if I came across the table? After all, we were in a HQ and staff work was all paper and nothing else. And all the paper was on the table!

    Anyway, he came across the table.

    As he crossed the table, he lunged for the region below my belt….rather much below the belt.

    In a natural response, I jumped back, but not before he reached his target.

    “God, this is unbelievable!”, the youngster exclaimed.

    “What’s unbelievable?” I asked, now very puzzled.

    “You’ve got them, sir. Extraordinary, but you’ve got them”

    “Obviously I have got them. Any man would have them, you silly oaf”

    “I agree that any man would have them, sir. But, it is you only who said that seniors don’t have them, especially Brigadiers and above………… and yet you’ve got them!”

    “That may be true, but I have them. I am a Colonel, old chap.”

    “No sir, you’re not. You are a Brigadier now. The promotion and posting order has come. My advice to you is that if you want to do well, please follow your own theory – shed them!”

    Alas, if only I heeded his advice!
     
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  5. Decklander

    Decklander New Member

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    In the IN the flag ranks start from Commodore rank. Commodore has a penant, Rear Adm & above have flags. Rear Adm has two red balls in it, Vice Adm has one and Adm has none. Why??
    bcoz they remove all your balls by the time you bcom an Adm.
    What is the Vice of a Vice Adm?
    Its the rear of the Rear Adm as the saying goes in IN.
     
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  6. Ankit Purohit

    Ankit Purohit Senior Member Senior Member

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    good reading
     
    Last edited: Oct 8, 2013
  7. Decklander

    Decklander New Member

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    @Ray sir, Are you also from Delta sqn? I am 70th course Delta sqn and one of the AAP candidates from Bijwasan Col. Devinder Sherawat is my coursemate from India sqn.
     
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  8. Ray

    Ray The Chairman Defence Professionals Moderator

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    I am from D Sqn.

    So is Arun Prakash who became the CNS.

    He, Hukku and D'Lima (they were 4th termers) told me to jump off the third floor window and when I was doing so (in actuality I was only pretending), they caught hold of my legs and struggled to get me in, while D'Lima rain to the Cafe to buy samosas to calm me down!

    The bldg was next to the PT Ground. It is now B Sqn.

    Now, it is looking inwards with the Cafe to its left.

    Do you know why the motto continued to be 'Through Gallantry and Gaiety to Glory'?

    It was actually Golf Sqn, then became Delta and now it is Bravo!
     
    Last edited: Oct 8, 2013
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  9. pkroyal

    pkroyal Regular Member

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    pussy cats & tigers



    to the army’s clarion call
    come one! Come all!!

    Says the poster loud & bright
    this is the career for men who love to fight

    academies & trainers one has to rough it all
    during training many a horse’s & their riders fall

    there is not to reason why?
    There is not to make reply?

    Drummed in your mind is this dictum
    follow this you are told, as rest is bunkum

    do this, do that, do as you are told
    at times the meek inherit the earth & not the bold

    over the years you look for role models
    who are fiercely less
    you realize many a times pussy cats in tiger’s
    clothing they dress

    the jungles full of pussy cats abound
    look for real tiger’s as they are seldom found
     
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  10. pkroyal

    pkroyal Regular Member

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    TWIN GUNS OF SAMBA




    It was hyped as the mother of all visits. The Big Boss was to arrive for a visit spanning twenty four crucial hours. For Little

    Napoleon it was a make or break situation what with age catching up and the prospect of early retirement looming large.

    The frills associated with the holding of office would vanish into thin air if he was not kicked up stairs for the prestigious

    course at Delhi which if nominated would increase the chance of a promotion into the big league.


    The advisers in the HQ were a motley group, a gentle graying deputy who nodded frequently because he was hard of

    hearing?, a pickle brained alcoholic who agreed with everything Little Napoleon said and constantly reeked of sweat, stale

    smoke and alcohol even from a safe distance of five feet. Two principal advisers burdened by conflict of speaking their

    mind or continue angling for a good confidential report. Then there was the maverick intellectual carrying a heavy

    baggage of being overweight, sloth and searching for an atmosphere where his ideas would fructify. Also part of the

    "ensemble" were three youngsters, fresh faced, energetic, raring to go but unsung and unheard because they were

    considered way down the evolutionary ladder. Coordination of the visit hovered delicately, around the gastronomic

    preferences of the Big Boss, the first "foot in the mouth" disease erupted, the epicenter being Mr. Smelly. "Sir we must

    cater for adequate quantities of Hundred Piper's (whisky) and loads of non-vegetarian snacks". Hygiene inspectors would

    be alarmed and PETA activists hyperventilate at the prospect of so many 'Balding Chickens' and 'Shaky Sheep' being

    put to sleep for just one night of drunken revelry. The second gun boomed in quick succession, not to be left behind in the

    race for putting in his two bit worth. Mr. Know All said.” Sir the Big Boss prefers his tea in a glass and we should lay it thick

    on snacks for tea". Someone coughed loudly, Little Napoleon nodded and the meeting was done.


    The day of the visit dawned like any other day, very ordinary, even the 'Sun God' shimmered sluggishly over the horizon.

    The lesser mortals of Samba, from early morning moved about in frenzied momentum like dancing dervishes in a mystical

    Sufi dance. Water was sprayed on the roads, sweepers swept the roads till its innards showed, a phalanx of cooks

    cooked for the big day, Senior and Junior management officials moved about in brand new uniforms decked up like

    Christmas trees and trudged self importantly all over the place. The grapevine has it that the previous nights' 'bash up'

    and imbibing of 'Hundred Pipers' went on at the VIP lodge till the wee hours of the morning, the 'Shaky Sheep' ( sick bhedus) was served

    in various forms in fancy dishes. Many an invitee under peer pressure imbibed more than his capacity, swayed like the

    'leaning tower of Pisa' and at times just to keep up with the "Joneses" charged up his glass but being unable to ingest it

    poured his share of liquor into the nearest flower pot. When silly smiles got plastered over all the faces, all of the snacks

    cooked and catered for were wiped clean of the plate and the conservation became repetitive the Big Boss realized that

    alcohol being great leveler which after threshold point blurs the fine unmarked demarcating line between a senior-junior

    relationship. He in the midst of boisterous celebration called it a day.






    2



    Morning introduction was a humorists delight, Little Napoleon realized during line up for introduction that a few pairs of

    boot worn by youngsters were not shining as he would have wanted them to be, the disparity amongst faces, the height,

    of individuals to the shades of dress (uniform) and widening girths of senior management officials were a bit too much to

    swallow and to aggravate the situation, some loose wires on the facade of the main building, droplets of distemper on

    glass window panes nearly 'got his goat'.


    Finally Big Boss arrived for the formal visit to office area next morning, he ambled down from his car, sleep walked

    through the introduction to the management officials, mumbled and dozed off in turns through the presentation, shoved

    fried cashew nuts, 'down the hatch', absentmindedly drove around Samba and the visit was over. The preparations

    that began with a bang ended in a whimper.
     
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  11. Shadow

    Shadow Regular Member

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    @Ray sir,does ragging still take place in NDA and if so how serious it is?
     
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  12. Ray

    Ray The Chairman Defence Professionals Moderator

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    it is no longer ragging.

    It is now a very lowdown angst that borders on street level activity.
     
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  13. Shadow

    Shadow Regular Member

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    @Ray sir i did not get your 2nd statement.:confused:
     
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  14. Ray

    Ray The Chairman Defence Professionals Moderator

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    Before none touched your body.

    Now, hockey sticks etc are in vogue; at least that is what it was when I was a Bn Cdr there.

    Try as I did, it came down, including getting one chap withdrawn, notwithstanding his influence, but I wonder if totally vanished.
     
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  15. Shadow

    Shadow Regular Member

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    I must appreciate your vocabulary.You made me go through my dictionary.
    I wonder what do they do with hockey sticks,do they whack with it and if it is so it's scaring me @Ray sir
     
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  16. Ray

    Ray The Chairman Defence Professionals Moderator

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    Why are you so keen to know about what happens in the NDA?

    Dar gaya to har gaya.

    Stand up and fight it out and don't take injustice without a word.
     
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  17. Shadow

    Shadow Regular Member

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    Sir I wanted to know as i want to join NDA.I have also appeared for one NDA-2 in september and the results are due in December.I may not be able to clear this one as i am falling 10 marks short in maths paper as our school syllabus was not complete then.But i am confident that i'll clear the next test.I am only worried about SSB.There are also around dozens of my bong friends who are NDA aspirants.The reason behind asking you about NDA is that none of us had experienced hostel life and therefore we decided to get our queries cleared from an Ex NDA like you.Thanks for sharing your experience and any advice will be more than helpful for us.And i am sorry if i have irritated you with my silly questions @Ray sir
     
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  18. Pandora

    Pandora Regular Member

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    @Ray sir, Love your stories you shared with us and must accept being a BD manager in IT firm,am still learning the vocabulary by reading your posts repeatedly and also used dictionary in few occasion.Keep the awesome work sir.
     
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  19. Ray

    Ray The Chairman Defence Professionals Moderator

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    I am sure you will make it to the NDA. Good luck!

    There are YouTube videos on a thread in the Forum on how to join the Army. Check it out. It will banish the mystery out of the SSB and fear of the unknown.

    It is not that difficult actually.

    But most importantly, you must have a positive mindset and keep looking at the issues posed with a positive mindset.

    One requires positive minded people in the Forces, no matter how negative the situation appears. That is why you must show that you are positive even when things appear difficult in the tests at the SSB.



    I am also learning new words.

    Every time I read and find a word or phrase that I do not know, I check the dictionary and then the usage in a sentence. I am also still learning.

    The more you read, the more you learn new words.

    Having learnt new words, try to use them as frequently as you can till it becomes a second habit.

    The word I learnt today is 'chokehold', the hold that the NYPD did on a suspect and the man choked and died.
     
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  20. Ray

    Ray The Chairman Defence Professionals Moderator

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    [​IMG]

    Veterans of an NDA Course at their Golden Jubilee Reunion.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]
     
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