In India why does the girls's family pay dowry?

Discussion in 'Members Corner' started by RedDragon, Jan 5, 2013.

  1. RedDragon

    RedDragon Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2011
    Messages:
    536
    Likes Received:
    69
    Today I just see a post about Indian dowry in a Chinese forum, it puzzled a lot of people. Because this tradition is just reverse to Chinese tradition, in Chinese tradition it is the boy's family should pay gift or money to the girl's family. The reason is the girl's family raised such a good girl, the boy and his family should express their thankfulness and respect.
     
    SANITY likes this.
  2.  
  3. RedDragon

    RedDragon Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2011
    Messages:
    536
    Likes Received:
    69
    In China's tradition, when a woman marry a man, it is the man's family have a new member, it is like the women's family raised a member for the man's family, so the man's family should express their thankfulness and respect. There are also dowry in China, but in common practice, the man's family should pay much higher than the girl's dowry. I think in Indian's tradition when marriage it is also the girl go to the boy's family, then why give dowry in a reversed way?
     
    SANITY likes this.
  4. Blackwater

    Blackwater Veteran Member Veteran Member

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2012
    Messages:
    20,982
    Likes Received:
    11,810
    Location:
    Akhand Bharat
    culture converted into status symbol in India

    BTW it happens in ur china also, what type of chini r u ignorant or troll???



    The £100MILLION bride: Chinese daughter of kitchen tile tycoon is married off with four boxes of gold, a Porsche AND a Mercedes (and locals say groom may as well have 'robbed a bank')

    Read more: The world's best father? Generous Chinese businessman provides £100million dowry for his daughter ahead of lavish wedding | Mail Online
    Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook
     
    SANITY, maomao, salute and 2 others like this.
  5. RedDragon

    RedDragon Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2011
    Messages:
    536
    Likes Received:
    69
    I just said, "common practice", and I don't think "pay dowry to the girl's family" is better than "pay dowry to the boy's family", or reverse. I just would like to discuss the reason to form different traditions. If you can't discuss politely, please leave this post. Thanks.
     
    SANITY and uvbar like this.
  6. Iamanidiot

    Iamanidiot Elite Member Elite Member

    Joined:
    Dec 21, 2009
    Messages:
    5,326
    Likes Received:
    1,493
    It is not dowry its her share of property.
     
    SPIEZ likes this.
  7. RedDragon

    RedDragon Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2011
    Messages:
    536
    Likes Received:
    69
    So it is belong to the girls? Is that right? like when divorce, the woman should take all her dowry back, is that right?
     
  8. Blackwater

    Blackwater Veteran Member Veteran Member

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2012
    Messages:
    20,982
    Likes Received:
    11,810
    Location:
    Akhand Bharat

    BTW it happens in ur china also, what type of chini r u ignorant or troll???
     
  9. Ray

    Ray The Chairman Defence Professionals Moderator

    Joined:
    Apr 17, 2009
    Messages:
    43,118
    Likes Received:
    23,543
    Location:
    Somewhere
    Divorce is a phenomenon that was not there when this came into existence in the ancient times.

    Nowadays, this is a phenomenon that is vanishing.
     
    SANITY likes this.
  10. Ray

    Ray The Chairman Defence Professionals Moderator

    Joined:
    Apr 17, 2009
    Messages:
    43,118
    Likes Received:
    23,543
    Location:
    Somewhere
    Chinese have a better system called Danwei.

    Danwei is a work unit.

    Each worker was bound to their work unit for life.

    Each danwei created their own housing, child care, schools, clinics, shops, services, post offices, etc.

    The influence of a work unit on the life of an individual was substantial and permission had to be obtained from the work units before undertaking everyday events such as travel, marriage, or having children.

    Work unit - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
     
    SANITY likes this.
  11. RedDragon

    RedDragon Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2011
    Messages:
    536
    Likes Received:
    69
    DanWei is not a very "modern" concept, and now the DanWei also not provide house and other things you mentioned, you need to get these things by yourself or your family. Now, the marriage has been greatly changed in China. Especially in big city, as most family only have one child, so the marriage is most like all out from both family of the boy and girl. But still, in common practice, the boy's family will take most of the burden. And the heaviest is the house.

    What I would like to discuss is how this tradition is formed in thousand or hundred years. As the traditional Chinese think, when marriage, it is like woman's family raise a person for the man's family, and their child will have the man's family name, so it is certain the man's family should pay more. not reverse.
     
  12. RedDragon

    RedDragon Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2011
    Messages:
    536
    Likes Received:
    69
    Ray, if I'm not wrong, I remember you have mentioned you have a daughter, who has been marriage. Have you pay the dowry? I don't know if it is too private, if you feel so, please just ignore this question.
     
    Last edited: Jan 5, 2013
  13. ersakthivel

    ersakthivel Senior Member Senior Member

    Joined:
    Mar 6, 2011
    Messages:
    6,456
    Likes Received:
    6,647
    Location:
    Erode
    Traditionally according to indian custom girls have no share in joint family property.They can not inherit any property from their father's side if they have brothers.
    Brothers have to look after the parents and brothers are responsible for the debt piled up by the father as well as the property in the joint family.

    But in the state of Tamil Nadu(which is now in force through out india or not is not very certain) a law was passed in 1974 making girls equal shareholders along with brothers in family property.And this law outlaws dowry as well.

    but the actual practice is different.It is not implemented in 99 percent of the times.And still dowry along with no share in property regime is the norm.Girls dont foreswear their share of property in writing.But they never claim their share as well. After 20 or 30 years of marriage woman signs a release deed foreswearing her share of her father's property with just a a token share of the property.

    Even in AMBANI's (which was the world's 18 th richest family and india's no-1 )family the same practice was followed as well in many families of my relatives.It's quite common that girl forswears her share of property worth 4 or 5 million US dollars for a token dowry of a 500 000 Us dollars worth of dowry.

    the reason it was practiced in the ancient time was to avoid the fragmentation of property in the society.And all marriages are were arranged with in the same caste and all are expected to play by the rules.The groom undertakes never to separate from the bride throughout his life.

    But the flip side of the dowry system is when many groom's family turn greedy and start demanding this or that from the bride's family many years after the marriage.

    A boy's family which expects dowry from the bride's parent is not ostracized socially.
    But if the same boy expects equal share of property to be given to his bride he is socially ostracized.A groom should never covet the property of his bride's family is the norm.

    While this system works without any problem in wealthy families, it is the middle class which forms about 40 percent of the population with not much of fixed assets which face the brunt.

    this system is undergoing various forms of changes in cities because professional brides have their own stream of income and can not really be bothered.

    But if the marriage is arranged marriage by the family of the bride , even professional woman forgoes her share of property from her father's and mother's side and walks away quietly with the dowry.

    Strangely however modern india becomes the dowry system is still entrenched. A father of the girl is expected to give dowry to his daughter to save his prestige in his social circle.Responsible fathers are expected to save for the marriage of his daughter from the time of her birth.

    All is well for wealthy families, as the brothers of the bride walk away with more than 90 percent of the family fortune by giving just 10 percent worth of dowry.But when family has no fortune and they lead a hand to mouth existence girls are stuck for want of suitable wealthy family grooms as the custom demands that the girl should always be married into a family much wealthier than the one she is born into.
    but it is the middle class which suffers the most in the grinding system.
     
    Last edited: Jan 5, 2013
  14. Bilal

    Bilal Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2013
    Messages:
    266
    Likes Received:
    32
    Location:
    Islamabad
    it is a tradtion,supported by some,i feel we have to let go these traditions which bind us to making life a living hell for the average citizen.
     
    ersakthivel likes this.
  15. Ray

    Ray The Chairman Defence Professionals Moderator

    Joined:
    Apr 17, 2009
    Messages:
    43,118
    Likes Received:
    23,543
    Location:
    Somewhere
    No,

    It is not acceptable in our family for generations.

    It maybe because it is taken as compensation for not getting a share of the property, but now that every child, irrespective of gender, is entitled to the ancestral property by law, this social system thus becomes redundant.

    Further, emancipated families even earlier did not give dowry.

    Yes, I believe the Dabwei system and even the Hukou system has become diluted because of the new pressures of the economy wherein workers are required urgently to keep the system functional.
     
    Last edited: Jan 6, 2013
    SANITY likes this.
  16. Tolaha

    Tolaha Senior Member Senior Member

    Joined:
    Nov 28, 2009
    Messages:
    2,158
    Likes Received:
    1,404
    Location:
    Bengaluru
    :wat: So why don't the Chinese raise good boys as well? Why only good girls?

    Nobody taught these "Indian traditions" to my wife's family! :tsk:
     
    Last edited: Jan 6, 2013
    ersakthivel likes this.
  17. SPIEZ

    SPIEZ Senior Member Senior Member

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2011
    Messages:
    3,507
    Likes Received:
    1,009
    Very soon that's gonna start in India :lawl:
     
  18. RedDragon

    RedDragon Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2011
    Messages:
    536
    Likes Received:
    69
    After see some programs of the "Satyamev jayate/Truth Alone Prevails", I think I have get some ideas. Aamir Hussain Khan is really a brave and respectable man.
     
  19. RedDragon

    RedDragon Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2011
    Messages:
    536
    Likes Received:
    69
    After see the "3 idiots" I think he is a man with talent and now I think he is also a man of integrity, very respectable.
     
  20. ersakthivel

    ersakthivel Senior Member Senior Member

    Joined:
    Mar 6, 2011
    Messages:
    6,456
    Likes Received:
    6,647
    Location:
    Erode
    It is coming to india as well .What I described was the custom in big land holding families. But in middle class families things are rapidly changing with skewed sex ratios thanks to ultra sonic scans the number of girls per boys are rapidly declining.For the first time in india in TN last year more number of girls have enrolled in professional colleges like eng, medical than boys.

    Small land holding families are unable to find suitable brides if they demand dowry and slowly the boot is shifting to other foot.

    Now the family of girl is asking for a portion of groom's asset to be transferred to the girl's name before marriage.
     
  21. Khagesh

    Khagesh Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2015
    Messages:
    924
    Likes Received:
    567
    Location:
    India
    For those who insist on discussing dowry and stridhan, here's a good thread already started.

    The Leslee Udwin BBC thread can be avoided for discussing these matters.
     

Share This Page