Transforming India's Concept of Marriage

Zebra

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http://www.nytimes.com/2015/04/26/world/asia/india-arranged-marriages-matrimonial-websites.html?_r=0

By GARDINER HARRISAPRIL 24, 2015

[video]http://www.nytimes.com/video/world/asia/100000003623623/morphing-indias-concept-of-marriage.html?action=click&gtype=vhs&version=vhs-heading&module=vhs&region=title-area[/video]

BY Vikram Singh | Apr. 24, 2015 | 5:57
In India, urbanization, education and the rise of matrimonial websites are challenging centuries-old traditions of arranged marriage.

NEW DELHI — For thousands of years, fathers in India have arranged the marriages of their children, and Garima Pant — like an estimated 95 percent of her millennial peers — was intent on following this most Indian of traditions.

Her father found a well-educated man in her caste from a marriage website that features profiles of potential mates and presented his choice to her. And that was when her rebellion began.


"I don't think so," responded Ms. Pant, a 27-year-old special education teacher, after seeing a picture of a man with streaks of color in his hair. So her father picked another profile. "Are you kidding?" And another. "Ugh." And dozens more.

When a profile of a man who intrigued her finally appeared, Ms. Pant broke with tradition yet again, finding the man's cellphone number and secretly texting him.

Her boldness made the match. By the time the fathers discovered that their families were of the same gotra, or subcaste, generally making marriage taboo, their children had texted and emailed enough that they were hooked. Months later, the couple exchanged vows with their fathers' grudging blessings. Theirs was one of a growing number of "semi-arranged" marriages in which technology has played matchmaker, helping whittle away at an ancient tradition, but with a particularly Indian twist.

In a society where marriage is largely still a compact between families, most parents, especially fathers, are in charge of the search for a mate, including by scouring the now ubiquitous marriage websites for acceptable candidates. But a growing number, especially in India's cities, now allow their children veto power. Even siblings have begun weighing in; Ms. Pant's younger brother became an early booster of the man she would eventually marry after seeing his profile photo with a black Labrador retriever.

Each year, they note, roughly eight million mostly teenage brides marry men chosen entirely by their parents, with many meeting their grooms for the first time on their wedding day. Refusals can be met with violence and, sometimes, murder. In one case last November, a 21-year-old New Delhi college student was strangled by her parents for marrying against their wishes.

The shift away from fully arranged marriages is being driven in good part by simple market dynamics among Indians who have long seen marriage as a guarantor of social status and economic security.

For centuries, fathers sought matches among their social connections, often with the help of local matchmakers who carried résumés door to door. But village-based kinship networks are fading as more families move to cities, and highly educated women often cannot find men of equal standing in those circles. Under such strains, families have sought larger networks, increasingly through matchmaking sites......
 

anupamsurey

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it is still an arranged marriage, what the author wants Indians to be? divorcing at stage where they have 2-4 kids , having extramarital relations ? everything present in western world is not gold and honey.
sofar the arranged marriage system has done good for Indian society, the veto of to be groom and brides is a good concept too.
 

Zebra

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it is still an arranged marriage, what the author wants Indians to be? divorcing at stage where they have 2-4 kids , having extramarital relations ? everything present in western world is not gold and honey.
sofar the arranged marriage system has done good for Indian society
, the veto of to be groom and brides is a good concept too.
Well, I think this is better.........

Swayamvara - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
 

mayfair

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Gardner Harris? No thanks I'd rather drink turpentine than read his drivel.
 

Samar Rathi

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I am 26 and gonna marry soon and if someone will give me guarantee if i do love marriage i will be happy ever after then i will do it otherwise west can shut up and i am gonna follow our tradition.

Love is not the only pillar you need in marriage but understanding/respect/loyalty/similarities etc lots of things who matter more than love. It's just my views and i don't force them on anyone.
 

Rashna

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lol. didn't u read his thread on saturday. He is an amalgam of sikh, hindu, jatt, rajput and various other entities and he says his army is ready to enforce khap panchayat systems in India. He is dead agains sagotra marriage. He bombarded me and @banglorean with private messages too. lolz.

Why so.......... ?
 

Peter

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I think there was a study that showed that arranged marriages tend to be more stable than love marriages. IMO the stability of marriages depends on the culture of the countries. Asian societies generally place the family over individual. This is the reason why India has a low rate of divorce. Divorce is never good as the kids from broken families suffer the worst. This is the reason why I think arranged marriages are better. However I do not support casteist discrimination in marriages.
 

Samar Rathi

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lol. didn't u read his thread on saturday. He is an amalgam of sikh, hindu, jatt, rajput and various other entities and he says his army is ready to enforce khap panchayat systems in India. He is dead agains sagotra marriage. He bombarded me and @banglorean with private messages too. lolz.
Define sagotra marriage?

Lol he is one of those ,however khap can't be governing institute as it's social one but that's off topic regarding this thread.
 

Peter

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Why so.......... ?
JattHindustan considers love marriages as pratilom marriages. He also calls south Indians as dirty half castes. To him the entire white world is full of dirty MALECHS. :rofl::rofl:

Actually I cannot stop laughing when I read his posts. :laugh:
 

Samar Rathi

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I think there was a study that showed that arranged marriages tend to be more stable than love marriages. IMO the stability of marriages depends on the culture of the countries. Asian societies generally place the family over individual. This is the reason why India has a low rate of divorce. Divorce is never good as the kids from broken families suffer the worst. This is the reason why I think arranged marriages are better. However I do not support casteist discrimination in marriages.
There is no casteist/religious discrimination my friend if someone don't want to marry someone than it's not discrimination but selection. Also money is new religion/caste these days i hope you understand my point.

Well yes indian place family over individual but when you marry someone in India she become part of your family so how can someone place family over family ?
 

Rashna

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Hindus have a gotra system which disallows marriage in to the same gotra. It means u cannot marry your paternal cousin. Likewise if u find some match whose gotra and yours is same then during the horoscope matching it will be thrown out.

Define sagotra marriage?

Lol he is one of those ,however khap can't be governing institute as it's social one but that's off topic regarding this thread.
 

Samar Rathi

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JattHindustan considers love marriages as pratilom marriages. He also calls south Indians as dirty half castes. To him the entire white world is full of dirty MALECHS. :rofl::rofl:

Actually I cannot stop laughing when I read his posts. :laugh:
get his address i will present his case to khap and they will punish him :rofl: (fyi i am also jatt)
 

Samar Rathi

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Hindus have a gotra system which disallows marriage in to the same gotra. It means u cannot marry your paternal cousin. Likewise if u find some match whose gotra and yours is same then during the horoscope matching it will be thrown out.
Yes we do and my family does it too. It's also related to health as if you marry your cousins then due to similarities in DNA your next generation will not be healthy.

that's why we don't marry our kins.
 

Peter

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There is no casteist/religious discrimination my friend if someone don't want to marry someone than it's not discrimination but selection. Also money is new religion/caste these days i hope you understand my point.

Well yes indian place family over individual but when you marry someone in India she become part of your family so how can someone place family over family ?
Ofc if people choose someone from their own caste then they are free to do so. However there are many reports that inter caste marriages in North Indian states are boycotted by their families. The OP`s article itself has mentioned such a case. I am against such practices.
 

Rashna

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I agree, otherwise we would have had an in-bred retarded society.

Yes we do and my family does it too. It's also related to health as if you marry your cousins then due to similarities in DNA your next generation will not be healthy.

that's why we don't marry our kins.
 

Samar Rathi

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Ofc if people choose someone from their own caste then they are free to do so. However there are many reports that inter caste marriages in North Indian states are boycotted by their families. The OP`s article itself has mentioned such a case. I am against such practices.
Of course my friend i am not denying it doesn't happen as i can you give you many case and i can give many case where family resisted in the start but toes in the line later. change in people mind takes time and we will overcome that in future as we are the next India generation. Education do wonders if you get it right.

But caste marriages also have pros as similarities in people thinking match and there is no compatibility issues after marriage , people don't think about small matters but they have the biggest impact after marriage life.
 
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Ray

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Love is only skin deep.

What is essential is compatibility.

There can never be compatibility in all factors.

But it should be for factors that are priority for the individuals.

In the US there is this social purity movement. I was seeing a TV channel showing the movement and its activities. Purity Balls are father-daughter dances celebrating moral purity. Abstinence until marriage is the focus for the girls, and living morally upright lives the focus for the dads. The girls pledge and a ring is put around their finger and they are told that only when they marry this ring will be replaced with the wedding ring.

The Purity Ball movement has moved beyond the evangelical Christian community and entered the American cultural mainstream.

Therefore, even such a swinging nation as the US is realising that 'swinging' is not the answer.

*************************

I agree, otherwise we would have had an in-bred retarded society.

Flourish cornets Enter the Prince of MOROCCO, a tawny Moor all in white, and three or four followers accordingly, with PORTIA, NERISSA, and their train
Trumpets play. The prince of
MOROCCO
Moor is a word for a person from North Africa. The word does not denote a particular skin color. Shakespeare's stage direction describing Morocco as "tawny" suggests that he is dark-skinned but not black.
MOROCCO , a brown-skinned man dressed in all white, enters, followed by three or four servants dressed in costumes like his. PORTIA, NERISSA, and their ATTENDANTS enter.


MOROCCO
Mislike me not for my complexion,
The shadowed livery of the burnished sun,
To whom I am a neighbor and near bred.

Bring me the fairest creature northward born,
Where Phoebus' fire scarce thaws the icicles,
And let us make incision for your love
To prove whose blood is reddest, his or mine.
I tell thee, lady, this aspect of mine
Hath feared the valiant. By my love I swear
The best-regarded virgins of our clime
Have loved it too. I would not change this hue
Except to steal your thoughts, my gentle queen.
What happens here?

Prince of Morocco is near bred to the burnished sun. :)
 
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Rashna

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Absolutely. Arranged marriages do lead to disillusionment too but the disillusionment is greater in love marriages. Love isn't necessarily compatibility.
Love is only skin deep.

What is essential is compatibility.

There can never be compatibility in all factors.

But it should be for factors that are priority for the individuals.

In the US there is this social purity movement. I was seeing a TV channel showing the movement and its activities. Purity Balls are father-daughter dances celebrating moral purity. Abstinence until marriage is the focus for the girls, and living morally upright lives the focus for the dads. The girls pledge and a ring is put around their finger and they are told that only when they marry this ring will be replaced with the wedding ring.

The Purity Ball movement has moved beyond the evangelical Christian community and entered the American cultural mainstream.

Therefore, even such a swinging nation as the US is realising that 'swinging' is not the answer.
 

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