Jokes Thread

W.G.Ewald

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One day three d0des were sitting around the bar, complaining.

Ken said, "Man, this getting old is a pain, isn't it? Especially the prostate thing. Every morning at seven, I stand there at the toilet for 20 minutes, trying to empty out."

Bill said, "At least you don't have the constipation problems yet. Every morning at seven, I sit there for 30 minutes, trying to drop a load. It's miserable."

Unka Jim laughed and said, "You boys are both clueless. Every morning exactly at seven a.m., I pee like a racehorse, then I immediately have a huge dump. I'm totally emptied out by 7:03, d0des."

Bill said, "That sounds great! What's the problem?"

Jim sighed and said, "I don't wake up until eight."
 

kseeker

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Santa went to USA and had a meeting with OBAMA

OBAMA : I want to show you that how much advance we are!
Come with me, He takes him to a forest.

OBAMA : Dig the ground.

Santa did it.

OBAMA : More"¦.More"¦More"¦

Santa went upto 100 Feet.

OBAMA : So now, try to search something.

Santa: I got a Wire.

OBAMA: You know, it shows that even 100 years ago we used to have telephones.

Santa became frustrated.
He invited OBAMA to India.

Next year OBAMA was in India.

Santa: I want to show you our advancement.

The same"¦ he takes OBAMA to a forest.

Santa: Mr Obama, Please Dig it"¦

Obama does.

Santa: More"¦.More"¦More"¦"¦

OBAMA goes upto almost 400 feet.

Santa: Try to find something.

OBAMA tries

Santa: Did you get anything?

OBAMA: No, there is nothing here.

Santa: You know, it shows that even 400 years ago, we used to have WIRELESS Mobiles !!!

Santa Rocks :balle: Obama Shocks :brick:
 

kseeker

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A Programmer And A Management Guy

A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he's lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."

"You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist.

"I do" replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's of no use to anyone."

The man below replies, "You must work in management."

"I do" replies the balloonist, "But how'd you know?"

"Well", says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."

Source: Whatsapp!
 

kseeker

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Arvind Kejriwal Is Sooooooooooo Honest!

1. Kejriwal is so honest that no woman has ever asked him " do I look fat"

2. Kejriwal is so honest that when he throws a party , he calls the cops at 10pm

3. Kejriwal is so honest that he actually tests the level of salt in colgate

4. Kejriwal is so honest that he never skips youtube ads

5. Kejriwal is so honest that he always removes USB safely

6. Kejriwal is so honest that when he finds the bomb , he returns it to the terrorist

7. Kejriwal is so honest that he got his wife's brother arrested for stealing his shoes during his marriage ceremony!

8. Kejriwal is so honest that he cooks maggi only for 2 minutes

9. Kejriwal is so honest that he actually "rolls on the floor laughing" when he texts ROFL :rofl:

10. Kejriwal is so honest that whenever he downloads a movie online, he buys a ticket to see it

11. Kejriwal is so honest that he demands a receipt even from Autowallas

12. Kejriwal is so honest that he hasn't installed any anti-virus on his system because he does not want any kind of "security"

13. Kejriwal is so honest that he was found standing on weighting machine naked for accurate measurement

14. Kejriwal is so honest that he doesn't take extra sauce sachets with Mc'D burgers

15. Kejriwal is so honest that he admits when he farts
 

kseeker

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A man escapes a prison where he has been locked up for 15 years.

He goes into a house and finds a young couple in bed.

He forces the young man into a chair and duck taped him there.

Then he leans over the woman and kisses her neck, then he goes into the bathroom.

The man whispers to his wife "Honey this man is an escaped convict look at his clothes.

He probably hasn't seen a young woman in years, I saw the way he kissed your neck, so do whatever he says of he might kill us be strong honey love you."

The wife leans over and whispers "He wasn't kissing my neck he whispered in my ear that he was gay and thought you were cute.

So he asked if we had any lube, I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey love :love: you too."
 

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