Jokes Thread

[kseeker]

SELF CARE for 31st Dec !

~~~

symptom: Cold and Humid feet.

Cause: Glass isbeing held at incorrect angle (You are pouring the drink on your feet)

Cure: Manoeuver glass untill open end is facing upward....

~~~

Symptom: the wall facing you is full of lights

Cause: You're lying on the floor.

Cure: Position of your body at 90-degree angle to the floor.

~~~

Symptom: The floor looks blurry.

Cause: You are looking through an empty glass.

Cure: Quickly fill your glass.

~~~

Symptom: The floor is moving.

Cause: You're being dragged away.

Cure: At least ask where they're taking you !

~~~

Symptom: You hear echoes everytime someone speaks.

cause: You have your glass on your earand tryin to drink from it.

Cure: Stop making a fool of yourself !

~~~

Symptom: Your dad and all your brothers are looking funny.

Cause: You're in a wrong house !

Cure: Ask if they can point you to your house.

~~~

Symptom: The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in WHITE and the music is very repetitive .

Cause: You're in an ambulance.

Cure: Don't move ! Let the professionals do their job.

~~~

ISSUED IN PUBLIC INTEREST

 

[kseeker]

 

[arnabmit]

Reminds me of a real life event.

Had gone to a guy's place to install AutoCAD on a PC for his daughter studying engineering. It turned out to be a Celeron 433mhz with 64MB RAM and 4.2GB HDD with 32MB free space in it running WinNT.

I told the dad that there was not enough space to install AutoCAD.

He cleared out the computer table of some books and stuff, and asked "Is there enough space now?"

 

[arnabmit]

 

[arnabmit]

 

[cobra commando]

 

[SajeevJino]

.

 

[kseeker]

 

[kseeker]

18 + only !

Spoiler

 

[Twinblade]

 

[arnabmit]

 

[Razor]

Q:Have you guys heard about the band 1023 ?
Of course not. They haven't had any Gigs yet.

 

[Razor]

To get to the other side.

Why did the tachyon cross the road?

 

[Razor]

Science and bartenders.

1. A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve superconductors here." The superconductor leaves without putting up any resistance.

2. Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve noble gases here."
He doesn't react.

3. A neutrino walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve neutrinos here." The neutrino says "I was just passing through."

4. Two atoms are sitting at a bar.
Atom 1: I think I've lost an electron
Atom 2: Are you sure ?
Atom 1: I'm positive!

5. Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar and doesn't.

 

[Razor]

Entropy just isn't what it used to be, sigh...

 

[Razor]

Q: Why do geeks get Halloween confused with Christmas ?
A: Oct 31 = Dec 25

 

[arnabmit]

@Razor did you by chance get Sheldon as your house guest?

 

[WMD]

Joke time!

Bachhpan ka ek joke yaad aa gaya..
======
Ek raja tha bada hi kroor, chhoti chhoti galtiyon ki bhi badi ajeeb saza milti thi aur unke naam bhi ajeeb.

Ek baar 2 chor pakde gaye, darbar me pesh hue, raja ne kaha - tumhare pass 2 choice hai, maut chahiye ya ponga?
Pehle chor ne socha marne se toh accha hai ye ponga-shonga jo bhi wahi saza mile. Usne jhat se kaha, "Sarkar, Ponga"

Raja ne sainikon se kaha, iske pet me lohe ki 6 garam rods ghused do.

Dusre chor ki jaan gale me aa gayi, usne socha aisi bhayanak saza? isse accha toh maut hai. Usne Raja se kaha, "Sarkar mujhe maut chahiye!!!"

Raja na Sainikon ko hukm diya, "Ise tab-tak ponga diya jaye jab tak ye mar na jaye"

=======
Suna hai Amethi me Rahul Gandhi v/s. Kumar Vishwas hone wala hai.

Toh Amethi walon, Maut chahiye ya Ponga?

(by TFI)

 

[W.G.Ewald]

@Razor did you by chance get Sheldon as your house guest?

I just got that one

 

[Razor]

@Razor did you by chance get Sheldon as your house guest?

Hahaha buddy.