Jokes Thread

kseeker

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There was a Jewish man, an Arab man and an European lady sitting together in a carriage in a train going through the Province.

Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train, there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark Then there was a kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap.

When the train came out of the tunnel, European lady and the Jewish man were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Arab man had his hand against his face as he had been slapped there.

The Arab man was thinking:confused: The Jewish guy must have kissed European lady and she missed him and slapped me instead.

European lady was thinking: The Arab fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Jewish man and got slapped for it.

And the Jewish thought to himself: This is great ! The next time the train goes through a tunnel, I'll make another kissing noise and slap the Arab bast@rd again :clobber:
 

kseeker

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Ahmed the Arab came to Sydney from the Middle East, and he was only here a few months when he became very Ill.

He went to doctor after doctor, but none of them could help Him. Finally, he went to an Arab doctor, who said, 'Take dees bocket, go Into de odder room, shit in de bocket, piss on de shit, and den put your head Down over de bocket and breathe in de fumes for ten minutes.'

Ahmed took the bucket, went into the other room, shit in the bucket, pissed on the shit, Bent over and breathed in the fumes for ten minutes.

Coming back to the Doctor he said, 'It worked. I feel terrific! What was wrong with Me?'

The doctor said, You were homesick, that's all :D
 

kseeker

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The President of the USA, George Bush, and his Vice President, Dick Cheney, are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in, sees them and asks the barman, "Isn't that the President and the Vice President sitting over there?" The bartender says, "Yep, that's them."

So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honour! What are you guys doing in here?" Bush says, "We're planning World War Three."

And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?" Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Arabs and one blonde with big breasts."

The guy exclaimed, "A blonde with big breasts? Why would you kill a blonde with big breasts? huh"

Bush turns to Cheney and says, "See fella, didn't I ya.... no one bothers about 140 million Arabs".
 

kseeker

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An Arab buys a camel and he proudly decides to ride it around his local pub carpark, causing a bit of a stir with the local drinkers.

"Nice camel mate," One of the drinkers commented, "Is it male or female?"

"It's female!" said the Arab.

"How can you tell?" said the drinker.

"Well," the Arab explained, "on the way here today, at least twenty people yelled out,'Hey, Look at the dirty, smelly cunt on that camel!"
 
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drkrn

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A young couple took their three-year-old son to doctor. With some hesitation, they explained that, although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.

After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, "Just feed him bagels with cream cheese. That should solve the problem."

The next morning, when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm bagels and cream cheese in the middle of the table.

"Gee, mommy," the boy exclaimed. "For me?"

"Just take two," his mother replied. "The rest are for your father."
 

drkrn

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What do cannibals call athletes?
Fast food!

Some boy scouts from the city were on a camping trip. The mosquitoes were so fierce, the boys had to hide under their blankets to avoid being bitten. Then one of them saw some lightning bugs and said to his friend, "We might as well give up. They're coming after us with flashlights.

A duck walked into a bakery one day and asked for a pork chop.
The baker said, "We aren't a butcher; we don't sell meat here."
So the duck left.
The following day the duck went back and asked again.
This time the Baker said, "No, if you come here again I will nail your feet
to the floor."
The following day the duck returned and asked, "Have you any nails?"
The baker replied, "No." And the duck said, "Well, I'll have two pork chops then."
 

EXPERT

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Bachhe Man k sachhe..
.
Boy to his mom:" Mumma mai
kaise
paida hua.. ??
.
Mom:" Maine 1 bartan me mitti
daal kar
rakh
di,
.
kuch din baad usme se tum
mujhe mile..
.
Bache ne aisa hi kiya..
. Ab kuch din baad usne jakar
dekha to
usme 1
mendak tha..
.
.
Bacha:" gusse se dil to karta hai
ke Saale.. .
tujhe goli mar du, par kya karu ??
Aulad hai tu meri..
 

JBH22

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When a Woman Loves!

When a woman loves you, you are a husband

When a few women love you, you are a man

When many women love you, you are a lover

When hundreds of women love you, you are an idol

When thousands of women love you, you are a leader

But,

When all the women in the world love you, you are not human... You are a diamond, gold, a rupee, a dollar, a euro, or a yen..
Aurton ke Ek Group se poocha gaya ki kon kon apne SHOHRON se pyar karti hain?

Sab Ne Hath khare kardiye...

In sab ko ek-ek msg dia giya k apne apne SHOHRON ko send karen...

"I LOVE YOU "

To Inke shohron ke jawab kuch youn aaye...

1: Tumhari tabiyat theek hai na?

2: Ab kya ho gaya ? phir se car maar di.

3: Excuse me!

4: Sirf itna batao ki kitne paise chahiye?

5: Nasha to nahi kar lia?

6: Ab kya kardia tumne? main is baar maaf nahi karoonga.
Aur Sab Se acha jawab ye tha.
.
..
...
7: Kaun hain aap?
Banta, an eager young man entered his prospective boss's office for an interview.

"One thing our company is very particular about is cleanliness. I hope you wiped your shoe on the door mat while coming in?" said the boss.

"Yes sir," Banta replied promptly.

The boss continued, "One more thing we're very particular about is honesty. There is no door mat outside!"
On the outskirts of every agony sits some observant fellow who points.
 

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Not a joke , but thought it will be good if i share . .


1 aadmi roz morning walk pr
Milne
wale hr insaan ko haath jod kr
namaste krta tha.....
.
Sb uski namaste ka jawab
muskurakr
namaste se dete.
Lekin 1 aadmi tha jo roz use gali
deta
tha......
.
1 bhale aadmi ne us nek insaan se
kha, tum ise namaste kyon Krte
ho.
Wo to tumhe roz gaali deta h...
.
Bhot hi sunder jawab mila-
.
Jb wo mere liye apni buri aadat
nhi
chhod skta,
to main uske liye apni acchi aadat
kyon chhodu.
jiske paas jo hota hai, Wo wohi
deta
hai..
 

kseeker

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Chali gayee DIWALI,

Shuru huyee THAND,

Sikud gaye GOTE,

Akad gaye LUND.

Fir aayegi HOLI,

Chali jayegi THAND,

Fael jaayenge GOTE,

Latak jayenge LUND.

Happy THAND aur pakdo .... (you know what !):sarc:

Courtesy: Whatsapp !
 
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