Jokes Thread

A chauhan

"अहिंसा परमो धर्मः धर्म हिंसा तथैव च: l"
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Lol @kseeker , great scenario :rofl:

Pakistan cries for help. India expresses deep regrets for what has happened and sends in a million dollars worth of Parle-G biscuits.
Parle-G! :rofl:
 
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drkrn

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Disclaimer: Not sure, if this has been posted before on this thread, couldn't traverse through 498 pages ! If this is a repeated one, I would request Mods to delete it !

The Pakistan army decides to launch a nuke-missile towards India.


They don't need any permission from their government(actually such a thing does not exist in -----stan), and promptly order the countdowns.

Indian technology is highly advanced.


In less than 8 seconds, Indian army detects the Pak Countdown and decides to launch a missile in retribution.

But they need permission from the Government of India.

They submit their request to the Indian President. The President forwards it to the Cabinet.


The Prime Minister calls an emergency Lok Sabha session. The LS meets, but due to several walkouts and severe protests by the opposition, it gets adjourned and adjourned indefinitely.

The President asks for a quick decision.

In the mean time, the Pak missile failed to take off due to technical failure.

Their attempts for a re launch are still on.


Just then the Indian ruling party is reduced to a minority because a party that was giving outside support withdraws it.


The President asks the PM to prove his majority within a week.

As the ruling party fails to win the confidence vote, a caretaker government is installed.

The caretaker PM decides to permit the armed forces to launch a nuclear missile.

But the Election Commission says that a caretaker government can not take such a decision because elections are at hand.

A Public Interest Litigation is filed in the Supreme Court alleging misuse of power by the Election Commission.

The Supreme Court comes to the rescue of the PM, and says the acting PM is
authorized to take this decision in view of the emergency facing the nation.

Just then one of the Pak missiles successfully took off, but it fell 367 miles
away from the target, on its own government building at 11.35AM.


Fortunately there were no casualties as no employee had reached the office that early.


In any case, the nuclear core of the missile had detached somewhere in flight.

The Pakistan army is now trying to get better technologies from China and USA.

The Indian Government, taking no chances, decides to launch a nuclear missile of its own, after convening an all-party meeting.

This time all the parties agree.

Its three months since the Pak army had started the nuclear war.

But as Indian preparations begin, "pro-humanity" and "anti-nuclear" activists come out against the Government's decision.

Human chains are formed and Road Rail Blockades are organized.

In California and Washington endless e-mails are sent to Indians to stop the war condemning the Indian government and mentioning "Please forward it to as many Indians as possible".


On the Pakistan side, the missiles kept malfunctioning. Some missiles deviate from target due to technical failures or high-speed wind blowing over Rajasthan.


Many of them land in the Indian Ocean killing some fishes.

Pakistan had enough of it's own technology.
A missile (smuggled from USA) is pressed into service.


Since the Pakistan army is unable to understand its software, it hits its original destination: Russia. (The smuggled missile was an old one made during the cold war times)


Russia successfully intercepts the missile and in retaliation launches a nuclear missile towards Islamabad.


The missile hits the target and creates havoc.


Pakistan cries for help. India expresses deep regrets for what has happened and sends in a million dollars worth of Parle-G biscuits.


Thus India never gets to launch the missile.


Pakistan never gets it right.


And


we live happily ever after!!!!


Keep Smiling.

Jai Hind...............
in the end india sends a bouquet to pakistan as condolences:rofl:
 

arnabmit

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[video=youtube_share;G31jfC4JFq4]http://youtu.be/G31jfC4JFq4[/video]
 

drkrn

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A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy with four young mothers.

"You all have obsessions," The doctor observed.

To the 1st mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter 'Candy'."

He looks to the 2nd mother saying, "Your obsession is with money. Again, It manifests itself in your child's name, 'Penny'."

He looks to the third mother & says, "Your obsession is alcohol. This manifests itself in your child's name, 'Brandy'."

At this point, The 4th mother gets up, takes her little boy by the hand & says to him, "Come on, Dick, we're leaving!"
 

drkrn

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The teacher at the beginning of the class says, "OK kids, we are going to talk about sexual education today. First we'll talk about how the human reproduction goes on..."

Immediately, little Johnny raises his hand, and desperately tries to get the teacher's attention. But the teacher, knowing how little Johnny is about these things, goes on...

"... First, a man a woman have to be in love... " But little Johnny keeps his hand up, waving it up and down, and from one side to the other one.

The teacher ignores him, "...They have to be very much in love because..."

But now little Johnny even starts making noise with his feet, so the teacher decides to acknowledge him, "OK, little Johnny. What do you want to say."

Little Johnny then stands up, and says, "I just wanted to ask. Those of us who have already fu..ed, can we leave?"
 

drkrn

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During class little Johnny kept swearing, everything was f--k this and f--k that.

Teacher, "Johnny, that is not a word a ten year old should be using."

Little Johnny, "There are worse words than that miss, like murder and death."

Teacher, "No Johnny, the word you keep saying is much, much worse than murder and death."

Little Johnny, "I disagree miss, I bet you would rather be fu--ed than killed."
 

sasi

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Little johnny and little Eve
Little Johnny and Little Eve are in Sunday School together.Eve always falls asleep but only Johnny knows. One day the teacher asks Eve "who is our creator?" Eve was asleep when Johnny was sitting behind her and he shoved his dick up her ass. Eve yells"Lord Jesus!"
"Yes Eve. That's right."
Then later Johnny thought Eve fell asleep again. The Sunday School teacher walks over and says "what did Eve say when she had her twelfth child?" Johnny shoved his dick up Eve's ass again. Eve yelled "if you stick that thing in me one more time I'll break it in half!"
 

sasi

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Snake in the Bush
A little boy asks his uncle if he can take a shower with him. The uncle says "yes, but don't look down." So the boy is in the shower with his uncle and he looks down and asks what it is. The uncle replies it's a snake.
Then the boy asks if he can take a shower with his aunty. She says "yes, but don't look up or down." They are in the shower and the boy looks up and asks what it is. The aunt replies they're her headlights.Then he looks down and asks what it is. She says it's her bush.
Then the boy asks if he can sleep with them. They reply "yes, but don't look down." He is in bed and then looks down and yells "aunt, turn on your headlights. The snake is going into the bush!"
 

sasi

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Railroad
A man is telling his friend of a recent experience:
"I was walking along beside the railway line" he says,"When I saw this girl tied to the tracks. Well, naturally I freed her, pulled her off the tracks and ended up having sex with her all night."
"Did you get a blow job?" asks his friend.
"No!" he says, "I never did find the head."
 

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