Jokes Thread

Ash

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I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 92). We decided to grab a bite at the food court.
I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him.

The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue.
My dad kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find him staring every time.

When the teenager had had enough, he sarcastically asked, 'What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?'

Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response, knowing he would have a good one, and in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response was :

'I Got drunk once, and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son
 

bhramos

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Think You Are Sitting In Front Of Computer-What Computer Will Think ?
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Intel Inside Mental Outside.
ok Now

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.Think You Are Standing In Front Of A Fridge- What Will Fridge Think?
Cool Inside Fool Outside.
 

bhramos

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लंदन मेँ दो बच्चों में परम्परागत तकरार चल रही थी। एक भारतीय था दुसरा पाकिस्तानी ।

पाकी -' मेरे पापा तुम्हारे पापा से अच्छे हैं
भारतीय' - नहीं हैं

पाकी -' मेरा भाई तुम्हारे भाई से अच्छा है
भारतीय - ' नहीं है

पाकी - ' मेरी मां तुम्हारी मां से ज्यादा अच्छी है
भारतीय -' हां , यह हो सकता है। मेरे पापा भी यही कहते हैं।
 

bhramos

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Come Fly Pakistan Airways -

Read the following recording of the pilot's announcement and you will be convinced.

"Good morning, Hazraat and khwateen. This is your captain ahmed khan welcoming you to Pakistan Airways. We apologize for the four day delay in taking off, owing to bad weather and some overtime I had put in at the bakery. This is flight one four four to Dubai. Landing in Dubai is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in the West. And if luck is in our favor, we may even be landing on your village! Pakistan Airways has an excellent record for safety. In fact our safety standards are so high that even the terrorists are afraid to fly withus!
It is with pleasure I announce that starting this year over 50% of our passengers have reached their destination. For the ones that don't make it, Pakistan Airways staff have all the requisite experience for consoling the next-of-kin. Our Stewardess Jamaal will be happy to brief you on our out of court settlement policies. If our engines are too noisy for you,on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off! To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary tea and biscuits! For our religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is Allah!
We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. But for our movie buff, we will be flying right next to Air India, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window. There is no-smoking in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system of engines trouble - telling us to slow down! Life jacket are positioned under your seats and free bathing costumes are made available to the aunties and swimming shorts to the uncles, for emergency jumps!
In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible for the best view. If, however, we go a little too close do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark! Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take off and fasten your belt. For those of you who can't find a seat belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And for those of you who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a flight attendant so that they could arrange for you to sit on your suitcase.
Sorry, but I won't be flying with you today because I have to attend my nephew's wedding. But please...make yourself at home and help yourself to the cockpit.
Thank you for choosing Pakistan Airways. HAVE A NICE JOURNEY.

JASSI
 

bhramos

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A Paki enters a store that sells curtains.
He tells the salesman, "I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains."
He showed him several patterns, but Paki seemed to be having a hard time choosing .
Finally, he selects a lovely pink floral print .
The salesman asked what size curtains he needed.
Paki replies, "Fifteen inches."
"Fifteen inches?" asked the salesman. "That sounds very small, what room are they for?"
Paki tells him that they aren't for a room, they are for his computer monitor.
The surprised salesman replies, "But, sir, computers do not havecurtains !"
Paki says, "Hellllooooooooo"¦"¦..I've got Windows!"
 

bhramos

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An American, an Italian and an Pakistni were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building...

They were eating lunch and the American said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off this building."

The Italian opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Pasta again! If I get pasta one more time I'm going to jump off, too."

The Pakistani opened his lunch and said, "Dry bread and dates again. If I get dry bread and dates one more time I'm jumping too."

Next day - The American opens his lunch box, sees corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his death.
The Italian opens his lunch,sees pasta and jumps too.

The Pakistani opens his lunch, sees dry bread and dates and jumps to his death also..

At the funeral..... The American's wife is weeping...She says, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!

The Italian's wife also weeps and says " I could have given him pizza or lasagna! I didn't realize he hated pasta so much."
Everyone turned and stared at the Pakistani's wife...
"Hey, don't look at me," she said,"He used to cook his own lunch!"
 

Ash

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What's the diff between a Rottwieler and a Poodle?
If Rotty starts humping your leg, let it finish.
 

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