Jokes Thread

utubekhiladi

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Rahul Gandhi came home from school one day and said to his mom, "I can count higher than all the kids in my second grade class, do you think it is because I am a Gandhi?" His mother replied, "Of couse it is, dear." The next day, Rahul Gandhi said, "I can say the alphabet higher than anyone in my class, do you think it is because I am a Gandhi?" His mother replied, "Of course it is dear!" The next day Rahul Gandhi came home from his gymnastics and asked his mother, "I have a larger chest than all the kids in my class, do you think it's because I am a Gandhi?" His mother replied, "No dear, I think it is because you are eighteen years old."
 

utubekhiladi

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While in Las Vegas, Rahul Gandhi walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a Coke. Rahul Gandhi looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins. He returns and starts feeding the machine madly and of course the machine keeps feeding out drinks. Another person walks up behind Rahul Gandhi and watches his antics for a few minutes before stopping him and asking if someone else could have a go. Rahul Gandhi turns around and shouts, "Can't you see I'm winning!"
 

utubekhiladi

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Rahul Gandhi comes home from a day of shopping and discovers that his house is on fire, so he calls the fire department on his cell phone. "Please state the nature of your emergency," says the operator. "Help! My house is on fire!" Rahul Gandhi replies. "Okay, where do you live?" "In a house you silly billy!" Rahul Gandhi replies. "No,no! How do we get there?" the operator asks frustratedly. "Duh! Big Red Truck!!"
 

utubekhiladi

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Q: What's the difference between Rahul Gandhi and a computer?

A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.

Q: What's the Rahul Gandhi 's cheer?

A: " I'm Gandhi, I'm Gandhi, I'm G.A.N.D"¦.ah, oh well.. I'm Gandhi, I'm Gandhi, yea yea yea"¦"
 

utubekhiladi

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Rahul Gandhi was really tired of being made fun of, so he decided to wear a mask so that he would look like Narendra Modi. When wearing the mask, he decided to take a drive in the country. After he had been driving for a while, he saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought, "Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!" He got out and walked over to the farmer and said, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?" The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said he could have a try. Rahul Gandhi looked at the flock and guessed, "157." The farmer was amazed – he was right! So Rahul Gandhi, (who looked like Narendra Modi), picked one out and got back into his car. Before he left, farmer walked up to him and said. "If I can guess which politician you really are, can I have my dog back?"
 

utubekhiladi

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Rahul Gandhi was touring UP in his 'discovery of India' trip. After posing for the cameras eating at a 'Dalit' home, he decided to visit the village school for more Kodak moments to be taken by the media cronies. He went to the class and declared that anybody can ask him questions.

One boy asked "How does a boat float?"

Rahul Gandhi thought for a moment, then replied, "Don't rightly know, kid."

The boy returned to his contemplation, but soon came up with another one, "How do fish breathe underwater?"

Once again Rahul Gandhi replied, "Don't rightly know, kid."

A little later the boy asked Rahul Gandhi, "Why is the sky blue?"

Again, Rahul Gandhi replied, "Don't rightly know, kid."

Worried he was going to annoy this big man, he said, "Sir, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?"

Rahul Gandhi immediately assured him, "Of course not, kid. If you don't ask questions, you'll never learn anything!"
 

utubekhiladi

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Rahul gandhi and robert vadra are out in the woods when vadra collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. Rahul Gandhi whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"
 
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utubekhiladi

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Rahul Gandhi walks into a salon, sits down in the chair and the stylist asks "What can I do for you today?"

"Yes, I would like to have my hair colored blonde."

The stylist brings him a color chart and says "This is our color chart, just choose the shade you would like."

"Well, what are these numbers that get lower as you go further blonde?" asked the Gandhi.

"Those represent your IQ once your hair is done"said the Hair Stylist.
 
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utubekhiladi

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Rahul Gandhi was not the best student in school. Usually he slept through class. One day the teacher called on him while he was napping, "Tell me Rahul, who created the universe?" When Rahul didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind him, took a pin and jabbed him in the rear.

"God Almighty!" shouted Rahul and the teacher said, "Very good" and Rahul fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked Rahul, "Who is our Lord and Saviour." But, Rahul didn't even stir from him slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck him again.

"Jesus Christ!" shouted Rahul and the teacher said, "Very good," and Rahul fell back asleep.

Then the teacher asked Rahul a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after he had him twenty-third child?" and again, Johnny jabbed him with the pin.

This time Rahul jumped up and shouted, "If you stick me with that thing one more time, I'll break it in half and stick it up your ass!"

... the teacher fainted!
 

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