Jokes Thread

[Mad Indian]

 

[Raj30]

 

[rock127]

...........

 

[Raj30]

 

[Raj30]

 

[Raj30]

 

[Raj30]

 

[Ray]

Have a crack at this, no cheating!!

Dementia Quiz

Below are four ( 4 ) questions and a Bonus question to test your perception, reasoning and the quickness of your logical processing.
They are stated simply so you should try to answer them instantly.
To assure the accuracy of the results, you should not take your time , but instead, answer each of them immediately .

OK?



Let's find out just how clever you really are....


.
Ready? GO!!! (scroll down slowly to uncover Q's and A's )




First Question :

You are a participant in a race. You overtake the second person.. What position are you in?


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Answer : If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely WRONG! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, YOU are in second place!

Try not to screw up nex t time. Now answer the second question, butdon't take as much time as you took for the first question, OK?


Second Question :
If you overtake the last person, then you are...?
(scroll down)



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Answer : If you answered that you are second to last, then you are WRONG again. Tell me Sunshine, how can you overtake the LAST person??


You're not very good at this, are you?


Third Question :
Very tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your head only.Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator .
Try it.



Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000 Now add 30 .. Add another 1000 .. Now add 20 . Now add another 1000 .. Now add 10 .. What is the total?


Scroll down for the correct answer.....





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Did you get 5000 ?

The correct answer is actually 4100 ...

If you don't believe it, check it with a calculator! Today is definitely not your day, is it ?

Maybe you'll get the last question right... Maybe....

Fourth Question :

Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono, and ??? What is the name of the fifth daughter?




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Did you Answer Nunu? NO! Of course it isn't.
Her name is Mary you Dummy! Read the question again!



Okay, now the Bonus round,
i.e., a final chance to
redeem yourself:
A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.
Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~




It's really very simple
He opens his mouth and asks for it...


















__._,_.

 

[Ray]

INCREDIBLE INDIA.



1. We live in a nation where Rice is Rs.40/- per kg and Sim Card is free.

2. Pizza reaches home faster than Ambulance and Police.

3. Car loan @ 5% but education loan @ 12%.

4. Students with 35% get in elite institutions thru quota system and those with 90% get out because of merit.

5. Where a millionaire can buy a cricket team instead of donating the money to any charity. 2 IPL teams are auctioned at 3300 crores and we are still a poor country where people starve for 2 square meals per day.


6. Where the footwear, we wear, are sold in AC showrooms, but vegetables, that we eat, are sold on the footpath.

7. Where everybody wants to be famous but nobody wants to follow the path to be famous.

8. Assembly complex buildings are getting ready within one year while public transport bridges alone take several years to be completed.

9. Where we make lemon juices with artificial flavours and dish wash liquids with real lemon.

Think about it!

If you cross the The North Korean border illegally, you get . . .12 years hard labour in an isolated prison .....


If you cross the Iranian border illegally, you get . . . Detained indefinitely .....

If you cross the Afghan border illegally, you get . . . Shot . . .

If you cross the Saudi Arabian border illegally, you get ..... Jailed .....

If you cross the Chinese border illegally, you get .....kidnapped and may be never heard of - again ....

If you cross the Venezuelan border illegally, you get ..... Branded as a spy and your fate sealed .....

If you cross the Cuban border illegally, you get ..... Thrown into a political prison to rot .....

If you cross the British border illegally, you get ..... Arrested, prosecuted, sent to prison and be deported after serving your sentence .....

Now ....
If you were to cross the Indian border illegally, you get .....

1. A ration card
2. A passport ( even more than one - if you please ! )
3. A driver's license
4. A voter identity card
5. Credit cards
6. A Haj subsidy
7. Job reservation
8. Special privileges for minorities
9. Government housing on subsidized rent
10. Loan to buy a house
11. Free education
12. Free health care
13. A lobbyist in New Delhi , with a bunch of media morons and a bigger bunch of human rights activists promoting your cause
14. The right to talk about secularism, which you have not heard about in your own country !

15. And of-course ..... Voting rights to elect corrupt politicians who will promote your community for their selfish interest in securing your votes !!!

16. And right to fight election for MLA or MP

Hats off ..... To the .....
A. Corrupt and communal Indian politicians

B. The inefficient and corrupt Indian police force



E. WE self centered Indian citizens, who are not bothered about the dangers to our own country.

F. The illogically brainless human-rights activists, who think that terrorists deserve to be dealt with by archaic laws meant for an era, when human beings were human beings.

 

[Raj30]

 

[Raj30]

 

[one]

Why is it okay to post animal gangbang but not human??? HYPOCRISY.

 

[KS]

 

[cobra commando]

 

[cobra commando]

 

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