Jokes Thread

W.G.Ewald

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Louisiana Humor

"The other day I was down Bayou Labatrie, fishing. Had a pretty good morning, but I ran out of bait early. Then I saw this cottonmouth with a little tiny green frog in his mouth, crawling by. I stopped Br'er Cottonmouth with a stick over his neck, but I couldn't get that frog out of his mouth without getting too close to those fangs. So finally I took out my flask and poured a tot of Jack Daniels into that snake's mouth. The cottonmouth coughed and spat out the frog.

"I took that little frog and caught a nice bass within a minute or two. I was just putting the fish in my bucket and wondering what I was going to do for bait next, when I felt something bump my ankle. I looked down and it was that cottonmouth again--he was holding TWO little green frogs in his mouth for me, and he had a happy look on his face."
 

pmaitra

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Re: Farting Your Guts Out

 
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bhramos

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Louisiana Humor

"The other day I was down Bayou Labatrie, fishing. Had a pretty good morning, but I ran out of bait early. Then I saw this cottonmouth with a little tiny green frog in his mouth, crawling by. I stopped Br'er Cottonmouth with a stick over his neck, but I couldn't get that frog out of his mouth without getting too close to those fangs. So finally I took out my flask and poured a tot of Jack Daniels into that snake's mouth. The cottonmouth coughed and spat out the frog.

"I took that little frog and caught a nice bass within a minute or two. I was just putting the fish in my bucket and wondering what I was going to do for bait next, when I felt something bump my ankle. I looked down and it was that cottonmouth again--he was holding TWO little green frogs in his mouth for me, and he had a happy look on his face."
nice one,
but i had to google whats the Cotton mouth
 

pmaitra

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Re: Farting Your Guts Out

 
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pmaitra

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sasi

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Fred:censored:
~
A local law enforcement officer stopped a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit.
Since he was in a good moodthat day he decided to give the poor fellow a break and write him out a warning instead of a ticket.
So, he asks the man his name." Fred" he replies.
"Fred what?" the officer asks.
"Just Fred" the man responds.
When the officer presses him for a last name, the man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it.
The officer thinks he has a nutcase on his hands but plays along with it. "Tell me Fred, how did you lose your last name?"
The man replies... "It's a longstory so stay with me. I was born Fred Dingaling. I know, funny last name.
The kids used to tease me all the time. So I stayed to myself. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older I realized that I wantedto be a doctor.
I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, finally got my degree so I was Fred Dingaling, MD.
After a while I got bored being a doctor so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream. Got all the way through school, got my degree so I was now Fred Dingaling MD DDS.
Got bored doing dentistry soI started fooling around with my assistant. She gave me VD. So, I was Fred Dingaling MD DDS with VD.
Well, the ADA found out about the VD so they took away my DDS so I was Fred Dingaling MD with VD.
Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Dingaling with VD.
Then the VD took away my dingaling so now I'm just Fred." The officer let him go without even a warning.
 
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sasi

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Castrated:censored:
~
"Doc," says Steve, "I want to be castrated."
"What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement.
"It's something I've been thinking about for a long time and I want to have it done" replies Steve.
"But have you thought it through properly?" asks the doctor, "It's a very serious operation and once it's done,there's no going back. It will change your life forever!"
"I'm aware of that and you're not going to change my mind -- either you book me in to be castrated or I'll simply go to another doctor."
"Well, OK.", says the doctor,"But it's against my better judgment!"
So Steve has his operation, and the next day he is up and walking very slowly, legs apart, down the hospital corridor with his drip stand. Heading towards him is another patient, who is walking exactly the same way.
"Hi there," says Steve, "It looks as if you've just had the same operation as me."
"Well," said the patient, "I finally decided after 37 years of life that I would like to be circumcised."
Steve stared at him in horror and screamed, "Shit! THAT'S the word!"
 

sasi

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Getting pregnant
~
In a second grade class, a little girl asks, "Teacher, canmy Mommy get pregnant?"
"How old is your mother, dear?" asks the teacher.
"Forty." she replies.
"Yes, dear, your mother could get pregnant."
The little girl then asks,"Can my big sister get pregnant?"
"Well, dear, how old is your sister?"
The little girl answers,"Nineteen."
"Oh yes, dear, your sister certainly could get pregnant."
The little girl then asks,"Can I get pregnant?"
"How old are you, dear?"
The little girl answers, "I'm seven years old."
"No, dear, you can't get pregnant..."
Then, the little boy behind the little girl gives her a poke and says, "See, I told you we had nothing to worryabout."
 

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