Jokes Thread

[Rahul92]

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[Cliff@sea]

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The Ugly Indian

 

[Yusuf]

Years ago, I gave my wife a wooden chest and convinced her to put something away for the rainy day.

I checked some days ago and found 4 umbrellas, 6 raincoats and a pair of boots!

 

[utubekhiladi]

Years ago, I gave my wife a wooden chest and convinced her to put something away for the rainy day.

I checked some days ago and found 4 umbrellas, 6 raincoats and a pair of boots!

My friend you got an interesting wife.

 

[sasi]

Kick The Cat
~
Little Billy was playing in the farm field when his mom called him in for breakfast. On his way in he kicked a cow, pig, and a chicken. So when he gets to the table he sees a dry bowl of cereal.
"What's the deal?" he asks.
His mom says, "You kicked the cow so no milk for you, you kicked the pig so no bacon for you, and you kicked the chicken so no eggs for you."
Then his father walks into the kitchen and accidentally kicked the cat.
Little Billy says, "Do you want me to tell him or should you?"

 

[sasi]

Warm, Soft And Gooey
~
A man went into a grocery store, got 3 cans of dog food,and walked up to the checkout counter.
The cashier asks the man,"Sir, do you own a dog?"
The man replies, "Yes I do."
The cashier then asks, "Do you have the dog with you?"
The man replies, "No, I left it at home."
The cashier then says, "I'm sorry, but I can't sell you this dog food unless I see your dog."
A few days later the man walks into the same store, gets 3 cans of cat food, and walks up to the checkout counter.
The same cashier asks, "Sir, do you own a cat?"
The man replies, "Yes I do."
The cashier then asks, "Do you have your cat with you?"
And the man replies, "No, I left it at home."
Then the cashier says, "I'm sorry, but I can't sell you this cat food unless I see your cat."
A few days later the man walks into the store, this time carrying a paper bag. He walks up to the same cashier, and asks him to put his hand into the bag.
The cashier says, "It feels warm, soft, and gooey."
The man then says, "Now, canI go back and get 3 rolls of toilet paper?"

 

[sasi]

Fur And Shit
~
A bear and a bunny are sitting in a forest taking a shit. The bear leans over to the bunny and says, "Do you ever have the problem of shit sticking to your fur?"
The bunny says, "No".
So the bear grabs the bunny and wipes his ass.

 

[sasi]

 

[sasi]

Gangnam style

 

[W.G.Ewald]

Little Billy was playing in the farm field when his mom called him in for breakfast. On his way in he kicked a cow, pig, and a chicken. So when he gets to the table he sees a dry bowl of cereal.
"What's the deal?" he asks.
His mom says, "You kicked the cow so no milk for you, you kicked the pig so no bacon for you, and you kicked the chicken so no eggs for you."
Then his father walks into the kitchen and accidentally kicked the cat.
Little Billy says, "Do you want me to tell him or should you?"

^^
It took me a minute...

 

[sasi]

Lion Tamer
~
Two unemployed guys are talking. One says, "I'm going to become a lion tamer."
The other replies, "That's crazy, you don't know nothing about no lion taming."
"Yes I do!"
"Well, OK, answer me this. When one of those lions comes at you all roaring and biting, what you gonna do?"
"Well, then I take that big chair they all carry, and I stick it in his face until he backs down."
"Well, what if the lion takes that big paw, and hooks the chair with them big claws, and throws that chair out of the cage? What do you do then?"
"Well, then I takes that whip they all carry, and I whip him and whip him until he backs down."
"Well, what if that lion bites that whip with his big teeth, and bites it in two? What you gonna do then?"
"Well, then I take that gun they all carry, and I shoot him."
"Well, what if that gun doesn'twork? What will you do then?"
"Well, then I pick up some of the shit that's on the bottom of the cage, and I throw it in his eyes, and I run out of
the cage."
"Well, what if there ain't no shit in the bottom of the cage?What you gonna do then?"
"Well, that's dumb. Cause if that lion comes at me, and he throws the chair out of the cage, and he bites the whip intwo, and my gun don't work, there's going to be some shit on the bottom of that cage, you can bet on that."

 

[sasi]

Monkey(political) Organization
~
An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels.
Some monkeys are climbing up, some down.
The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces.
The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but ***holes.

 

[Apollyon]

 

[sasi]

Living with the Wolf Man
~
The Wolf Man comes home one day from a long day at the office. "How was work, dear?"his wife asks.
"Listen! I don't want to talk about work!" he shouts.
"Okay. Would you like to sit down and eat a nice home cooked meal?" she asks nicely.
"Listen!" he shouts again. "I'm not hungry! I don't wanna eat! All right! Is that all right with you? Can I come home from work and just do my own thing without you forcing food down my throat? Huh?"
At this moment, the wolf man started growling, and throwing things around the apartment in a mad rage.
Looking out the window, his wife sees a full moon and says to herself, "Well, I guess it's that time of the month."

 

[LurkerBaba]

 

[Razor]

 

[Razor]

 

[sasi]

^^
It took me a minute...

I should have given a hint. Anyway others who still don't know the answer. Here is the hint "A Famous riot in Russia against Putin".

 

[Victor Sierra]

^^
It took me a minute...

I should have given a hint. Anyway others who still don't know the answer. Here is the hint "A Famous riot in Russia against Putin".

Another hint: Its 5 letter word. It ends with Y. Starts with P. Has double S before Y. But U after P.

 

[Razor]