Jokes Thread

Raj30

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Quotable Quotes: What they said about UPA’s free mobile phone scheme | The UnReal Times
Come Independence Day, Prime Minister Dr. Manmohan Singh is all set to announce the launch of the UPA government's latest scheme – the Har Haath Mein Phone scheme. The decision has evoked mixed reactions from eminent personalities. We present some of the quotable quotes here.

Sonia Gandhi
"If they can't have rice, let them have talk time"

Abhishek Bachchan
"What a dumb Idea, Sirji"¦. 3G!"
Kishen Charanna (BPL card holder)
"I already have a basic Android phone. Hope they give iPhone or better still, iPad"

Mohammad Irfan (BPL card holder)
"Theek scheme hai.. as long as they don't get it designed by that Kapil Sibal fellow"

Jairam Ramesh
"Shitty idea"¦. unless it's Rahul's idea, in which case it is a game-changer!"

Digvijay Singh
"Next we'll launch the Rajiv Gandhi Free Pizza Yojana so that BPL card holders can order pizza using their free phone"
 

Twinblade

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A Scotsman phones a dentist to enquire about the cost for a tooth extraction

"85 pounds for an extraction, sir" the dentist replied.

"85 quid! Huv ye no'got anythin' cheaper?"

"That's the normal charge," said the dentist.

"Whit aboot if ye didnae use any anaesthetic?"

"That's unusual, sir, but I could do it and would knock 15 pounds off."

"Whit aboot if ye used one of your dentist trainees and still without any anaesthetic?"

"I can't guarantee their professionalism and it'll be painful. But the price could drop by 20 pounds."

"How aboot if ye make it a trainin' session, ave yer student do the extraction with the other students watchin' and learnin'?"

"It'll be good for the students", mulled the dentist. "I'll charge you 5 pounds but it will be traumatic."

"Och, now yer talkin' laddie! It's a deal," said the Scotsman. "Can ye confirm an appointment for the wife next Tuesday then?"
 

arya

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some day we will be honest and on the top of world


the best joke our leader are using from 1947
 

Oracle

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A man walks into a bar. He sees a good-looking woman sitting on a stool.

He walks up to her and says, "Hi there, how's it going?"

She turns to him, looks deep into his eyes and says, "I'll screw anybody, any time, anywhere, your place, my place, it doesn't matter."

He says, "No kidding! What law firm are you with?"
 

Oracle

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An Iraqi soldier buys a camel, ties it up outside his local bar, and walks inside.

"Nice camel," says one of his buddies. "Is it male or female?"

"Female," he replies.

"How can you tell?" asks his friend.

"Well, on the way over here," the man explains, "I heard this guy yell, 'Hey, look at the big pussy on that camel!'"
 

Oracle

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Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven, where St. Peter meets them at the Pearly Gates. Since they've all led exemplary lives, he lets each say any woman's name and she'll go back to Earth for six months as that person.

"Sophia Loren," says the first nun - and poof, she disappears.

"Madonna," says the second nun, and she disappears, too.

"Sara Piplini," says the third nun.

"Who's that?" asks St. Peter.

The nun hands him a newspaper clipping. He reads and says, "I'm sorry, sister, but you've got it all wrong. It's the Sahara Pipeline that was laid by 1,400 men in six months."

:rotflmao:
 

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