Jokes Thread

[Kunal Biswas]

 

[Oracle]

A blonde goes to her gynecologist and tells the doctor that no matter how hard she and her husband have tried, she just can't get pregnant.

The doctor says, "OK, take off your clothes and lay down on the table."

The blonde says, "Um, all right. But I was really hoping to have my husband's baby."

 

[Oracle]

A father is passing by his son's college late one night on a business trip and decides to stop in for a visit. Arriving at what he thinks is the fraternity house, he knocks on the front door.

"Whaddaya want?" a voice calls down from the second floor.

"Does Jimmy Duncan live here?" the father calls up.

"Yup," replies the voice. "Just leave him on the porch like usual."

 

[Oracle]

An old man on his deathbed implored his wife, "When I am gone I want you to marry Fred Uhland."

"Why Fred Uhland?" his wife asked. "You have hated him all of your life!"

"Still do," gasped the old man.

 

[Oracle]

A businessman entered a tavern, sat down at the bar, and ordered a double martini on the rocks. After he finished the drink, he peeked inside his shirt pocket, then he ordered another double martini.

After he finished that one, he again peeked inside his shirt pocket and ordered another double martini.

Finally, the bartender said, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all nightlong. But you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill."

The customer replied, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, then I know it's time to go home."

 

[Oracle]

Bidding at a local auction was proceeding furiously, when the auctioneer received a note from his assistant. "A gentleman in this room has lost a wallet containing $10,000. If it is returned, he will pay a reward of $2,000."

There was a moment's silence, and then from the back of the room came a cry: "Two thousand, five hundred!"

 

[Oracle]

One Sunday during his sermon, a preacher asks the congregation how many are willing to forgive their enemies. They all raise their hands, except for one elderly lady in the back pew.

The preacher notices and asks, "Mrs. Jones, why aren't you willing to forgive your enemies?"

"Well, I don't have any," she replies.

"Mrs. Jones, you're 93 years old and have no enemies? How is this possible?"

"It's easy," she says. "I simply outlived the bitches."

 

[Apollyon]

 

[Aayush]

 

[Rahul92]

 

[Yusuf]

THE DIVERSE CULTURES IN INDIA

Scenario 1
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, sees them and walks on.
That's MUMBAI !

Scenario 2
Two guys are fighting. Both of them take time out and call their friends on
their mobiles. Now 50 guys are fighting.
You are definitely in PUNJAB !

Scenario 3
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along and tries to make peace.
The first two get together and beat him up.
That's DELHI !

Scenario 4
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch.
A guy comes along and quietly opens a Chai-stall.
That's AHMEDABAD !

Scenario 5
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, then a fourth
and they start arguing about who's right.
You are in KOLKATA !

Scenario 6
Two guys are fighting. Third guy comes from nearby house and says,
"don't fight in front of my place, go sum where else and keep fighting".
That's KERALA

Scenario 7
Two guys are fighting. Third guy comes and shoots both of them... You r definitely in UTTAR PRADESH..

Last Scenario:
Two guys are fighting. Third guy comes along with a carton of beer.
All sit together drinking beer and abusing each other and all go home as friends.
You are in GOA. 👍🚶😉

 

[Raj30]

 

[Raj30]

 

[KS]

Two guys fighting - they get tired and go to TASMAC for a round....both get high and become emotional.

Welcome to TN...

 

[bhramos]

 

[anoop_mig25]

 

[anoop_mig25]

 

[anoop_mig25]

 

[Neil]

 

[Raj30]