Jokes Thread

Pash

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Repost from 2009 (@Daredevil : Daredevil) post #91

I think it is from Khuswant Singh's Joke Book

-----------------------------

Punjabi Confidence

George Bush was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next when his telephone rang.

'Hello, Mr. Bush!' a heavily accented voice said, "This is Gurmukh from Phagwara, District Kapurthala, Punjab .. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring the war on you!"

'Well, Gurmukh,' Bush replied, 'This is indeed important news! How big is your army'

'Right now,' said Gurmukh, after a moment's calculation, 'there is myself, my cousin Sukhdev, my next door neighbor Bhagat, and the entire kabaddi team from the gurudwara. That makes eight'

Bush paused, 'I must tell you Gurmukh that, I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command.'

'Arrey O! Main kya..' said Gurmukh. 'I'll have to ring you back!'

Sure enough, the next day, Gurmukh called again.

'Mr. Bush, it is Gurmukh, I'm calling from Phagwara STD, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!'

'And what equipment would that be, Gurmukh' Bush asked.

'Well, we have two combines, a donkey and Amrik's tractor.'

Bush sighed. 'I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke.'

'Oh teri....' said Gurmukh.. 'I'll have to get back to you.'

Sure enough, Gurmukh rang again the next day.

"Mr. Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne...... We've modified Amrik's tractor by adding a couple of shotguns, sticking on some wings and the pind's generator. Four school pass boys from Malpur have joined us as well!"

Bush was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat, "I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"

Tera phala hove.....' said Gurmuk, 'I'll have to ring you back.'

Sure enough, Gurmukh called again the next day.

'Kiddan, Mr.Bush! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war.'

'I'm sorry to hear that,' said Bush. 'Why the sudden change of heart'

'Well,' said Gurmukh, 'we've all had a long chat over a couple of lassi's, and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners of wars!'

NOW THAT'S CALLED PUNJABI CONFIDENCE
 
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Pash

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Post # 95 ( prahladh)


Don't know if this really happened or is just a joke!

Kashmir belongs To INDIA.. Funny Proof

An ingenious example of speech and politics occurred recently in the United Nations Assembly that made the world community smile.

A representative from India began: 'Before beginning my talk I want to tellyou something about Rishi Kashyap of Kashmir, after whom Kashmir is named.

When he struck a rock and it brought forth water, he thought, 'What a good opportunity to have a bath.'

He removed his clothes, put them aside on the rock and entered the water.

When he got out and wanted to dress, his clothes had vanished. A Pakistani had stolen them.'

The Pakistani representative jumped up furiously and shouted, 'What are you talking about? The Pakistanis weren't there then.'

The Indian representative smiled and said, 'And now that we have made that clear, I will begin my speech.'

And they say Kashmir belongs to them...
 

Pash

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Refurbished Joke

-------------

Narendra Modi, Imran Khan, Alia Bhatt and Angela Merkel are traveling in a train. The train suddenly goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap! The train comes out of the tunnel. Angela Merkel and Modi are sitting there looking perplexed. Imran is bent over holding his face, which is red from an apparent slap. All of them remain diplomatic and nobody says anything.

Merkel is thinking: "These Pakistanis are all crazy after Alia. Imran must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him"

Alia is thinking: "Imran must have moved to kiss me, and kissed Merkel instead and got slapped."

Imran is thinking: "Damn! it, Modi must have tried to kiss Alia, she thought it was me and slapped! me."

Modi is thinking: "If this train goes through another tunnel, I could make another kissing sound and slap Imran again."
 

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Hindu Nationalist

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Repost from 2009 (@Daredevil : Daredevil) post #91

I think it is from Khuswant Singh's Joke Book

-----------------------------

Punjabi Confidence

George Bush was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next when his telephone rang.

'Hello, Mr. Bush!' a heavily accented voice said, "This is Gurmukh from Phagwara, District Kapurthala, Punjab .. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring the war on you!"

'Well, Gurmukh,' Bush replied, 'This is indeed important news! How big is your army'

'Right now,' said Gurmukh, after a moment's calculation, 'there is myself, my cousin Sukhdev, my next door neighbor Bhagat, and the entire kabaddi team from the gurudwara. That makes eight'

Bush paused, 'I must tell you Gurmukh that, I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command.'

'Arrey O! Main kya..' said Gurmukh. 'I'll have to ring you back!'

Sure enough, the next day, Gurmukh called again.

'Mr. Bush, it is Gurmukh, I'm calling from Phagwara STD, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!'

'And what equipment would that be, Gurmukh' Bush asked.

'Well, we have two combines, a donkey and Amrik's tractor.'

Bush sighed. 'I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke.'

'Oh teri....' said Gurmukh.. 'I'll have to get back to you.'

Sure enough, Gurmukh rang again the next day.

"Mr. Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne...... We've modified Amrik's tractor by adding a couple of shotguns, sticking on some wings and the pind's generator. Four school pass boys from Malpur have joined us as well!"

Bush was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat, "I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"

Tera phala hove.....' said Gurmuk, 'I'll have to ring you back.'

Sure enough, Gurmukh called again the next day.

'Kiddan, Mr.Bush! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war.'

'I'm sorry to hear that,' said Bush. 'Why the sudden change of heart'

'Well,' said Gurmukh, 'we've all had a long chat over a couple of lassi's, and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners of wars!'

NOW THAT'S CALLED PUNJABI CONFIDENCE
1627709701794.png
 

SKC

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Repost from 2009 (@Daredevil : Daredevil) post #91

I think it is from Khuswant Singh's Joke Book

-----------------------------

Punjabi Confidence

George Bush was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next when his telephone rang.

'Hello, Mr. Bush!' a heavily accented voice said, "This is Gurmukh from Phagwara, District Kapurthala, Punjab .. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring the war on you!"

'Well, Gurmukh,' Bush replied, 'This is indeed important news! How big is your army'

'Right now,' said Gurmukh, after a moment's calculation, 'there is myself, my cousin Sukhdev, my next door neighbor Bhagat, and the entire kabaddi team from the gurudwara. That makes eight'

Bush paused, 'I must tell you Gurmukh that, I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command.'

'Arrey O! Main kya..' said Gurmukh. 'I'll have to ring you back!'

Sure enough, the next day, Gurmukh called again.

'Mr. Bush, it is Gurmukh, I'm calling from Phagwara STD, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!'

'And what equipment would that be, Gurmukh' Bush asked.

'Well, we have two combines, a donkey and Amrik's tractor.'

Bush sighed. 'I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke.'

'Oh teri....' said Gurmukh.. 'I'll have to get back to you.'

Sure enough, Gurmukh rang again the next day.

"Mr. Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne...... We've modified Amrik's tractor by adding a couple of shotguns, sticking on some wings and the pind's generator. Four school pass boys from Malpur have joined us as well!"

Bush was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat, "I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"

Tera phala hove.....' said Gurmuk, 'I'll have to ring you back.'

Sure enough, Gurmukh called again the next day.

'Kiddan, Mr.Bush! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war.'

'I'm sorry to hear that,' said Bush. 'Why the sudden change of heart'

'Well,' said Gurmukh, 'we've all had a long chat over a couple of lassi's, and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners of wars!'

NOW THAT'S CALLED PUNJABI CONFIDENCE
Inhone apna majak bhi Khud hi banaya hai duniya mai aur fir sabko galiya dete rehte hai ki hum par jokes mat banao!

Famous Santa-Banta website was also made and run by a Sikh guy and Khushwant Singh wrote whole books on Santa-Banta jokes.
 

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