Jokes Thread

Nationalist Manasvi Papa

Senior Member
Sep 8, 2020
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Post from a Pakistani forum

Pakistans action plan as soon as India starts to mobilize troops towards the IB/LOC would be the following:

Phase 1- Pre-emptive missile and airstrikes on all strategic indian forward operating bases and airfields. Saturating Indian airbases/army HQs with ghauris, nasirs, baburs, and other various missiles. This was attempted in 1965 but at that time we did not have even 1% of the capabilities we have today.

Phase 2- Start Integrated battle group A offences along the IB in the norther punjab (sialkot/lahore) sector. In concurrence Integrated battle groups B supported by attack helis/drones/ fighter jets would push in from the thar desert sector in sindh. Integrated battle group A in the north would attempt multiple pincer movements along amristar. Another pincer blitzkreig strike along the northern side to cut off kargil/kashmir from all transportation links from mainland India.

Integrated battle group B in the souther sector would be tasked with created a large bridghhead in the thar desert to capture as much land as possible. So that before Indians could attempt their thrust into the desert Pakistanis forces would already be on their territory.

Phase 3- Total war. Mobilize all army reserve, all paramilitaries (rangers/frontier corp/etc..), mobilize all militant groups, and mobilize anyone of fighting age. Most pakistani households have atleast 2-3 grown men with guns ready to fight with their own weapons and vehicles. Put them throught rapid training or on the job training for some action. Its needs to be a total peoples war similar to how Chinese/Israelis/ Americans fight.

Phase 3- Assymetric and missile strikes throughout India on critical infrastructure. This would include oil processing refineries in Gujrat which could be targetted by PN subs. Indian naval base in mumbai, Dams, electric grids, internet connection tower, cell towers, water plants, etc... would all be targeted by missile or airstrikes to demoralize the indian populace significantly.

ISI agents within india would be activated to forment division and conduct assymetric military operations. Pakistani defences forces should confuse the enemy as much as possible.

Phase 4- Further escalation. We have seen time and time again in the world that the crazy madman always wins and gets the best terms of surrender. Example being Nazi germany pre-1942, US nuclear bombing of japan, Bushs invasion of afghanistan/iraq. Having a no mercy mentality on our enemy should be policy. Even if Pakistani forces attain complete battlefield supremacy in the northern/southern sectors, we should conduct 8-12 tactical nuclear sub-kiloton strikes on key indian military targets. Targets should be of minimum civilian casualties but maximum military casualties. We want to get the best terms of surrender from them.

This would show a defeated enemy that we will destroy their nations unless Pakistan has full dominance of whatever would remain of a confederate states of india afterwards and thus attain complete strategic hegemony of the whole subcontinent. Such terms could be laid out in the conditions of surrender but would look something like this:

- Pakistan gains all of Kashmir, all of Punjab, and all of the thar desert within Rajasthan (as a natural buffer). Indian occupied kashmir and punjab would become new provinces within pakistan

- What remains of India would be liable to pay Pakistan/kashmir $500 bn USD upfront for the cost of damages over the last 70 years. This would be followed by a yearly payment of $40 bn over the next 100 years to Pakistans national treasury.

- Indian military would constitutionally not be allowed to become an offensive force. Numbers and budgets would be constitutionally limited similar to Japan after ww2.

- Pakistan would have full rights/access to any Indian military base including army/airforce/navy.

- All Indian foreign policy would have to be approved by Pakistan

Only once such terms of surrender have been achieved can there be peace in the subcontinent and the world.


𝕱𝖔𝖔𝖑𝖘 𝖗𝖚𝖘𝖍 𝖆𝖓𝖉 𝖆𝖓𝖌𝖊𝖑𝖘 𝖋𝖊𝖆𝖗
Senior Member
Aug 28, 2019
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For those who don't know the context
Left: Tippu sultan, a south Indian Mlechha ruler, after taking over Malabar, wanted to Plunder the padmanabhaswami temple, the richest in the world
Right: Padmanabha Pillai, a general under Travancore, it is said that he inflicted multiple injuries on tippu, grabbed his Flag from the Royal carriage and threw it away, swinged his sword and threw off his Turban, and with a single kick broke his leg, he walked like a limp mothafucka rest of his life

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