Jokes Thread

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[WMD]

When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend...

When I was 16, I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion. So I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life....

In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency, she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.

When I was 22, I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided I needed a girl with some excitement.

When I was 25, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and flirted with everyone she met. She made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some ambition...

When I turned 28, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground and married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned....

Now, I'm 30 and just looking for a girl with Big Boobs, That's it....!!!

 

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[Ray]

MT. VERNON, TEXAS "¦
WHOREHOUSE SUES LOCAL CHURCH OVER LIGHTNING STRIKE!

Diamond D's brothel began construction on an expansion of their building to increase their ever-growing business.

In response, the local Baptist Church across the street started a campaign to block the business from expanding -- with morning, afternoon, and evening prayer sessions at their church. Work on Diamond D's progressed right up until the week before the grand reopening when during a storm, lightning struck the whorehouse and burned it to the ground!

After the cat-house was burned to the ground by the lightning strike, the church folks were rather smug in their outlook, bragging about "the power of prayer."

But late last week 'Big Jugs' Jill Diamond, the owner / madam, sued the church, the preacher and the entire congregation on the grounds that the Church ... "was ultimately responsible for the destruction of her building and her business -- either through direct or indirect Divine actions or means."

In its reply to the court, the church vehemently and voraciously denied any and all responsibility or any connection to the building's demise.

The crusty old judge read through the plaintiff's complaint and the defendant's reply, and at the opening hearing he commented,

"I don't know how the hell I'm going to decide this case, but it appears from the paperwork, that we now have a whorehouse owner who staunchly believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that thinks prayer is all bullshit !"

 

[Razor]

Inspector Jacques Clouseau from the Pink Panther

I Would like to buy a Hamburger... - YouTube

 

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[anoop_mig25]