Jokes Thread

vijaytripoli

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In a small town in America, a person decided to open up his bar business, which was right opposite to a church. The church & its congregation started a campaign to block the bar from opening with petitions and prayed daily against his business.

Work progressed. However, when it was almost complete and was about to open a few days later, a strong lightning struck the bar and it was burnt to the ground. The church folk were rather smug in their outlook after that, till the bar owner sued the church authorities for $2million on the grounds that the church through its congregation & prayers was ultimately responsible for the demise of his bar shop, either through direct or indirect actions or means.

In its reply to the court, the church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection that their prayers were reasons to the bar shop's demise. In support of their claim they referred to the Benson study at Harvard that inter-cessionary prayer had no impact !

As the case made its way into court, the judge looked over the paperwork and at the hearing and commented:

'I don't know how I am going to decide this case, but it appears from the paperwork, we have a bar owner who believes in the power of prayer and we have an entire church and its devotees that doesn't.'
 

Pintu

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He He, good one Vijay.


Please continue , regards
 

Pintu

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I have many jokes from an tinny old Bengali Book which is a compilation of jokes, and now I am going to share this with you guys :

Here comes first one:


Female Teacher to student: I am very Beautiful-Tell me which tense is it?

Student: Past Tense
 

Pintu

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Father: Son, I am not happy to have the results of your exam.

Son: I forbed Teacher, but she did not pay heed.
 

Pintu

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Teacher: Which is a 'skeleton' ?

Student: Who began dieting but forgot to stop.
 

Pintu

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Grandfather(By phone to Head Master) : Sir, it will be very good, if you kindly release my grandson 1 hour earlier from the school.

Head Master : He, already left the school hours ago saying that his Grand Father died.
 

Pintu

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Teacher to student : Don't copy in Exam Hall, You will be get used to it.

Student: No, Sir , I am doing it for 5 Years, till now not able to get used to that.
 

Pintu

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Teacher : Which is Bacteria ?

Student : Back door of Cafeteria.
 

Pintu

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Teacher: Which is far, Moon or Australia.

Student: Moon

Teacher: Why?

Student: Sir, we can not see, Australia from here, but can see Moon.
 

Pintu

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In an Afternoon the children were playing cricket, and a child sat in the middle of the field, weeping. A passer by went to him and asked 'Son why are you weeping ? What happened to you ? ' The children yelled: Uncle please get back from there, the match will be spoiled. Passer by: But why the child is weeping?

Children: He is our Stump.
 

Pintu

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Son: Mom , can I go for bath in the river?

Mother: No, son, there is a shark in the river.

Son: Why then dad went there?

Mother: Don't worry, he has life insurance.
 

Pintu

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The joke follows an old one, can not recall where did I read it:


In a fine day beside an well stood a man and yelling : seven seven seven...

Curious onlooker went to him: What happens brother ?

Man pushed him into the well and began yelling: eight eight eight....
 

Pintu

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From the book I mentioned:


Habu was going to Dabu's house, a man obstructs him asked: Hey boy , tell what is my age ?

Habu: 40 .

The man: Excellent! you are right, how could you ?

Habu: I have my elder brother he is 20 and half mad, in that respect you are 40.
 

Pintu

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From the same book.

Toko : You know my father brought me a Japanese radio yesterday.

Daku: How do you understand Japanese ?

and continues in the next post
 

Pintu

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Gabu: Why are you wandering with an ass!

Habu: Idiot, this is not an ass , this is a dog.

Gabu: I'm not asking you, I am asking the dog.
 

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Dont pee in pool

Little Johnny is approached by the lifeguard at the public swimming pool. "You're not allowed to pee in the pool," said the lifeguard. "I'm going to report you." "But everyone pees in the pool," said Little Johnny. "Maybe," said the lifeguard, "but not from the diving board!"
 

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Short Password

A woman is helping her computer-illiterate husband set up his computer, and tells him that he will now need to choose and enter a password that he wants to use when logging on. The husband, thinking he'll be oh-so-manly, types in the following letters when prompted for his desired password by the computer... m - y - p - e - n - i - s His wife rolls her eyes. Then she nearly falls off her chair howling with laughter when the computer replies: PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH
 

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Little Jennifer

Little Jennifer was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor Teena peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, she politely asked, "What are you up to there, Jennifer?"
"My goldfish died," replied Jennifer tearfully, without looking up," and I've just buried him."
Teena was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" Jennifer patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your cat.
 

Daredevil

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Finger

An autopsy professor was giving an introductory lecture to a class of students. Standing over a corpse, he addressed the class. "There are two things you need to make a career in medical forensics. First, you must have no fear." Having said that, he shoved his finger into the corpse's anus and then he boldly licked his finger. "Now you must do the same," he told the class. After a couple of minutes of uneasy silence, the class did as instructed, each student inserting a finger and then licking it. "Second," the professor continued, "you must have an acute sense of observation. For instance, how many of you happened to notice that I put my MIDDLE finger into this man's anus, but the finger I licked was my INDEX finger?"

:rofl::rofl:
 

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