Jokes Thread

SwordOfDarkness

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It was not supposed to be loaded. He was under the impression all along that it was a fake gun or gun with blanks and was practicing shooting the gun in preparation for a shooting. Even the actors and people around him thought the gun was unloaded or a fake gun. He was even instructed to press the trigger to get the feel of the gun.
Well, he had fired the guy in charge of safety, and instead of getting a new guy, decided to just wing it. Instead of buying a blank gun, used a normal gun with blanks. Instead of checking the gun to see if it was loaded with blanks or real bullets, decided "meh its safe".

After all this, decided it would be fun joke to point at someone and pull the trigger. A grade genius this guy was.
 

Alamarathan

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Three men are standing at the pearly gates...

Three men die and are standing at the pearly gates in front of St. Peter. St. Peter tells them, "To gain entry into heaven, you must tell me how you died."

The first man steps forward and says "Well, I got off work early today, and came home to my 10th floor apartment. Walked in, and found my wife naked in bed. I looked out the door to our balcony, and saw a man's hands holding onto the edge. In a fit of rage, I ran out and stomped on his fingers, and he fell. I looked over the balcony, and he had landed in some bushes and was still moving. So I unplugged our refrigerator and pushed it off the balcony, and it landed on him. Then I shot my wife and killed myself."

St. Peter thinks for a moment and says "Well, there's some bad stuff there, but given the situation, we can let it pass. You may enter."

The second man steps forward. "I was exercising on my trampoline, on my 12th floor balcony, when I jumped a little too high and accidentally fell over the railing - but luckily I caught myself a couple floors below. I'm hanging there, holding on for dear life, when I hear someone come out - I'm thinking he heard my scream and was coming to help me. But this guy..he starts stomping on my hands! I lose my grip and fall to the ground. Luckily, I landed in some thick brush, and I was hurt, but I was still alive! I'm kinda moving around, checking to see what's broken and stuff, when I look up to see this maniac push his refrigerator off the balcony! It lands on me and kills me."

St. Peter is shaking his head, "Son, that is some horrible luck. Of course you may enter and enjoy paradise."

The third man, having heard the stories of both men before him, steps forward with his head hung low and starts, "So.....I'm sitting naked in the refrigerator...."
 

Alamarathan

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Saint Peter decides to take a day off work, and Jesus takes his place. St. Peter explains that he should ask any person who comes to the gates a little about themselves before they enter. Then you decide whether or not they should be allowed into heaven.

It is a slow day, but most people are allowed to enter. Then a frail old man shows up. Jesus urges him to sit down and starts asking some questions. . ‟What did you do for a living”, Jesus asks.

‟I was a carpenter”, the man replies.

‟Did you‘ve any family”, Jesus asks.

‟I had a son. He was attached to a wooden cross with holes in his feet and hands. Then he became alive.”

Jesus starts tearing up, and asks with a somewhat broken voice, ‟Dad?”

The man looks up in surprise and responds. ‟Pinocchio?”
 

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