Continued"
"
It is difficult to say which aspect of the conflict was
more painful——the external or the internal. A stronger
or less sensitive mind than mine would have come out
14 H. M. S.
15 You, Divine Mother, are my only refuge--neither father nor
mother:neither friend nor brother, etc.”
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successful more quickly or suffered much less acutely than I
did. But there was no help, I had to go through what was in
store for me. The more my parents endeavoucd to restrain
me, the more rebellious I became. When all other attempts
failed, my mother took to tears. But even that had no ef-
fect on me. I was becoming callous, perhaps eccentric, and
more determined to go my own way, though all the time I
was feeling inwardly unhappy. To defy my parents in this
way was contrary to my nature and to cause them pain was
disagreeable, but I was swept onwards as by an irresistible
current. There was very little appreciation or understanding
at home of what I was dreaming at the time, and that added
to my misery. The only solace was to be found in the com-
pany of friends and I began to feel more at home when away
from home.
Studies began to lose their importance for me and, but
for the fact that for years I had studied hard, I would have
gone under. The only thing that now mattered to me was
mental or spiritual exercise. I had no proper guide at the
time and turned to books for such help as they could afford
me. Only later did I realise that not all of these were written
by reliable or experienced men. There were books on Brah-
macharya or sex-control, which were readily made use of.
Then there were books on meditation which were greedily
devoured. Books on Yoga and especially Hatha-Yoga 16 were
eagerly hunted after and utilised. And, over and above this,
all kinds of experiments were made. A faithful narration
of all that I went through would sufice to make a first-class
16 Yoga means literally “Union” (with Godhead). The word
“Yoga” is used, however, to indicate not merely the goal but also the
means. Yogic practice has two branches—”Raja—Yoga” and “Hatha-
Yoga”. “Raja-Yoga” is concerned with the control of the mind and
“Hatha•Y0ga” with that of the body.
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entertainment. Small wonder that some thought that I was
on the verge of lunacy.
The first time I resolved to sit down in the Yogic fash-
ion, the problem was how to do it without being seen and
how to face ridicule should I be discovered during the act.
The best thing was to attempt it in the dark after sunset, and
so I did. But I was ultimately seen one day and there was a
titter. One night while I was meditating in secret, the maid
happened to come in to make the bed and bumped against
me in the dark. Imagine her surprise when she found that
she had knocked against a lump of flesh.
Concentration was practised in many ways. A black
circle was made in the centre of a white background and
the eyes were brought to stare fixedly at it till the mind
became a perfect blank. Gazing at the blue sky was occa-
sionally practised, and what beat everything was staring at
the scorching mid-day sun with eyes wide open. Self—mor-
tification of various kinds was also resorted to———for
instance, eating simple vegetarian food, getting up in the
early hours of the morning, hardening the body to heat and
cold, etc.
Much of this had to be done with as little publicity as
possible, whether at home or outside. One of Ramakrishna’s
favourite maxims was: practise contemplation in a forest
or in a quiet corner, in your house or in your• own mind,
so that none may observe you. The only people who may
know of it are fellow-devotees or fellow-Yogis. After we had
practised for some time what we considered to be Yoga, we
began to compare notes. Ramakrishna had often referred
to the inner psychic experiences, including extraordinary
powers, which would come one’s way as he progressed
along the spiritual path and had warned his disciples against
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feeling elated over them or indulging in self-advertisement
or self-enjoyment of any sort. These psychic experiences
and powers had to be transcended if one wanted to reach
the higher regions of spiritual consciousness. Even after
some months’ effort I found that I could not lay claim to
any such experience. I had a feeling of confidence, and more
peace of mind and self-control than before, but that was
about all. Perhaps this is due to the want of a Guru (precep-
tor), hought I, since people say that Yoga cannot be prac-
tised without a Guru. So began my search for a Guru.
In India those who have given up the world and
consecrated their whole life to spiritual effort sometimes
adopt the life of a traveller (Paribrajak) or undertake an
all-India pilgrimage. It is therefore not difficult to find them
in the vicinity of holy places like Hardwar, Benares, Puri
(or J agannath) or Rameswaram. Owing to its proximity to
Puri, Cuttack also attracted a large number of them. These
monks 17 are of two classes-- those who belong to sonic
organisation, ‘Ashrama’ or ‘Muth’, and those who are entirely
free, have no organisation behind them, and hate to get
entangled in any way. Our group———for by now we had a
definite group——became interested in all the Sadhus who
happened to visit the town, and if any member got informa-
tion about any such visitor, he would pass it on to the rest.
17 Also called Sannynsis, Sadhus or fakirs, though fakirs are
generally Mohammedans by religion. These must be distinguished from
priests. Among the Hindus, priests are an integral part of society. They
are Brahmanss and are generally married. They perform religious and
social ceremonies for the ordinary householder. Sadhus, on the other
hand, renounce caste and all their family relationship when they take
holy orders. They do not as a rule perform religious or social ceremo-
nies for householders. Their sole function is to show to others the path
of spiritual progress. They may be regarded as outside the pale of social
contentions.
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Various were the types whom we visited, but I must say that
those of the hermit type were more likable. They would
not care to have any disciples and would spurn money in
any form. If they wanted to instruct anybody in Yoga, they
would prefer those who like themselves had no worldly
attachment at all. The Sadhus who belonged to an organi-
sation or were themselves married men did not appeal to
me. They would generally search for disciples among men
of wealth and position who, when recruited, would be an
acquisition to their organisation.
Once there came an old Sannyasi, more than ninety
years old, the head of a well-known Ashrama of all-India
repute, one of whose disciples was a leading medical practi-
tioner of the town. It soon became the rage to visit him and
we too joined the crowd. After doing obeisance to him we
took our seats. He was very kind to us——in fact, affection-
ate—and we were drawn towards him. Some hymns were
recited by his disciples to which we respectfully listened. At
the end we were given printed copies of his teachings and
were advised to follow them. We inwardly resolved to do
so—at least I did. The first item was—eat neither fish nor
flesh nor eggs. Our family diet was non-vegetarian, and it
was not possible to adhere to vegetarian food without com-
ing in for criticism and perhaps opposition. Nevertheless,
I obeyed the mandate despite all obstruction. The second
item was daily recitation of certain hymns. That was easy.
But the next item was formidable—the practice of submis-
siveness to one’s parents. We had to begin the day by doing
obeisance (pranam) to our parents. The difficulty about
doing this was a two-fold one. Firstly, there was never any
practice to do daily obeisance to our parents. Secondly,
I had passed the stage when I believed that obedience to
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one’s parents was in itself a virtue. I was rather in a mood
to defy every obstacle to my goal, no matter from what
source it came. However, with a supreme effort of the will, I
mastered myself and marching straight to my father in the
morning, I made obeisance as instructed by my preceptor 18
I can still recall the scene—how my father was taken aback
at this unexpected sight. He asked me what was the matter,
but without uttering a word I marched back after doing my
duty. Up till now I have not the faintest notion of what he or
my mother (who also had to undergo the same experience)
thought of me at the time. It was nothing less than a torture
every morning to muster sufficient strength of mind to go
up to my parents and do obeisace to them. Members of
the family or even servants must have wondered what had
made the rebellious boy suddenly so submissive. Little did
they know perhaps that behind this phenomenon was the
hand of a Sadhu.
After some weeks, perhaps months, I began to ques-
tion myself as to what I had gained from the above practice
and, not being satisfied with the reply, I gave it up. I went
back to the teachings of Ramakrishna and Vivekananda. No
realisation without renunciation ——I told myself again.
It would be a mistake to conclude that my conception
of a religious life was restricted to the practice of individu-
alistic Yoga. Though for some time I went crazy over Yogie
exercise, it slowly dawned on me that for spiritual develop-
ment social service was necessary. The idea came probably
from Vivekananda for, as I have indicated above, he had
preached the ideal of the service of humanity which includ-
ed the service of one’s country. But he had further enjoined
on everyone to serve the poor, for according to him God
18 Another friend of mine, H.M.S., kept me company in this.
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often comes to us in the form of the poor and to serve the
poor is to worship God. I remember that I became very lib-
eral with beggars, fakirs, and Sadhus, and whenever any of
them appeared before our house, I helped them with what-
ever came within my reach. I derived a peculiar satisfaction
from the act of giving.
"
for a Nationalist like NetaJi
As we all know, Netaji Subhash Chandra Bose played a key role to fulfill one of the Missions of Swami Vivekananda, who not only was the greatest spiritual leaders of the world, but also was the greatest patriot in India. The mission was to free India from British shackles and though Indian Govt. does not show proper respect to this legend, every Indian knows the contribution of Subhas in the history of Indian freedom struggle. We hear many to quote that Swami Vivekananda was the real power behind Netaji Subhas Chandra Bose, though these two never met each other. Had they met each other by any chance, I presume that India would have been free before 50 years from the time She was freed.
I remember a lecture delivered by Swami Vivekananda after He returned from West for the first time in 1897. This lecture was one of the best lectures given by Him and here is the initial part of it:.jpg)
The meaning of this is quite clear to us all, and most surprisingly or co-incidentally, Swami Vivekananda predicted of this new light on 25th January, 1897, just two days after Subhas Chandra Bose was born. They say Swami Vivekananda was a prophet and some do not agree, but does this commence "the longest night seems to be passing away, the sorest trouble seems to be coming to an end at last", just after 2 days from the birth of the greatest freedom fighter of India, not seem like an incredible prophecy?
