Movies and Entertainment

[vijaytripoli]

Lil Johnny ROCKS !!!


One day Lil Johny says to his father:

I want to get married.

Father: Oh, so do you have someone special in your mind?
Johny: Yes , Grandma
Father: What? There is a problem now, you want to marry my Mother?
Johny: Why not? You married my mother

__________________________________

L.Johnny: Can I go to the toilet?

Teacher: Johhny, MAY I go to the toilet?

L.Johnny: But I asked first!

__________________________________
Summer vacation was over and the teacher asked Little Johnny about his family trip. "We visited my grandmother in Minneapolis , Minnesota ."
The teacher asked, "Good, can you tell the class how you spell that?"
Little Johnny said, "Actually, we went to Ohio ."

__________________________________________________
"Johnny, did your Mother help you with your homework last night?" the teacher asked.

"No, she did it all," Little Johnny replied.

__________________________________________________
"Dad," said Little Johnny, "I'm late for football practice. Would you please do my homework for me?"

Little Johnny's father said irately, "Son, it just wouldn't be right."

"That's okay," replied Little Johnny "At least you could try, right?"

________________________________________
Teacher: If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?

Little Johnny: One dollar.

Teacher(sadly): You don't know your arithmetic.

Little Johnny (sadly): You don't know my father

__________________________
Teacher: "Hello boys, Remember!!! Nothing is impossible."

Little Johnny: "OK sir, could you please squeeze out all the toothpaste and put back it into the tube again

 

[vijaytripoli]

A smoker an alcoholic and a homosexual all go to the doctor. The doctor tells all three of them that their health is in an aweful state and if they indulge in each of their vices one more time, they will die.

All three men where gutted, they faced a lifetime without their favour activity or death. Reluctantly they took the doctors advice onboard and left the surgery.

As they walked down the road the alcoholic saw a bottle of beer and said "to hell with this world", with that he downed the bottle and surely enough he dropped dead.

The smoker and the homosexual having seen that were taken aback with shock and grief at the loss of their friend. They continued down the road, now bearing the burden of their friends death as well as the life changing moment they had just had to sit through at the doctors.

Suddenly the smoker sees half a cigerette someone has left on the floor. He's about to reach down to pick it up and the homosexual says, "you pick that up and we're both dead".

 

[Triton]

Once SONIA GANDHI, L.K. Advani and Laloo Prasad Yadav were
travelling in an autorickshaw. They met with an accident and all three of
them died.

Yama Raja was waiting for this moment at the doorstep of death.

He asks Mrs GANDHI and Advani to go to HEAVEN.

But, for Laloo, Yama had already decided that he should be sent to HELL.
Laloo is not at all happy with this decision.

He asks Yama as to why this discrimination is being made. All the three of
them had served the public. Similarly, all took bribes, all misused public
positions, etc.

Then why the differential treatment?

He felt that there should be a formal test or an objective evaluation before
a decision is made; and should not be just based on opinion or pre-conceived
notions.

Yama agrees to this and asks all the three of them to appear for an English
test. Mrs GANDHI is asked to spell " INDIA " and she does it correctly.

Advani is asked to spell " ENGLAND " and he too passes.

It is Laloo's turn and he is asked to spell " CZECHOSLOVAKIA ".

Laloo protests that he doesn't know English.

He says this is not fair and that he was given a tough question and thus
forced to fail with false intent.

Yama then agrees to conduct a written test in Hindi (to give another chance
assuming that Laloo should at least feel that Hindi would provide an equal
platform for all three).

Mrs GANDHI is asked to write "KUTTA BOLA BHOW BHOW". She writes it easily and passes.

Advani is asked to write "BILLY BOLI MYAUN MYAUN". He too passes.

Laloo is asked to write "BANDAR BOLA GURRRRRR....." Tough one. He fails again.

Laloo is extremely unhappy.

Having been a student of history (which the other two weren't),he now
requested for all the 3 to be subjected to a test in history

Yama says OK but this would be the last chance and that he would not take
any more tests.

Mrs GANDHI is asked: "When did India get Independence ?". She replied "1947" and passed.

Advani is asked "How many people died during the independence struggle?".

He gets nervous. Yama asked him to choose from 3 options: 100,000 or 200,000 or 300,000. Advani catches it and says 200,000 and passes.

It's Laloo's turn now.
'

'

'
Yama asks him to give the Name and Address of each of the 200,000 who died in the struggle. Laloo accepts defeat and agrees to go to HELL.

Moral of the story: IF YOUR MANAGEMENT HAS DECIDED TO SCREW YOU, THERE IS NO ESCAPE.....

 

[yang]

A joke

After a long time expedition in the sea ,the food and water was running out,so the animals signed an agreement :Each person would say a joke,if it don't make an animal laugh,then it will be thrown into the sea.
The first was a mouse,it said a joke,everyone on the ship laughed except pig. the second to say joke was a hybrid ,it said a joke ,no one laughed,but the pig,so it was thrown into the sea ,too.
Then,the animals were puzzled,so they asked the pig:Hey,piggy,the joke said by hybrid isn't funny,why do you laugh?The pig answered:the joke said by mouse is so funny....



you know why?the pig is so dull,when the mouse said the joke ,it can't reflect on it at once,but after the hybrid said the joke ,it suddenly understand what the mouse had said.ha,ha

[/IMG]

 

[Pintu]

I've read this one in Bengali , I can not recall where, however with depending upon my memory I am translating it.

Friend 1 : Yesterday , on returning home , I was attacked and beaten up by a gang of hooligans.

Friend 2 : Really, what did you do ?

Friend 1: I yelled, 'If you are your father's son then come one by one '.

Friend 2: Then ! What happened ?

Friend 1: Then they came one by one and beat me up.

 

[ShyAngel]

HAHA pintu totally!

 

[Pintu]

Thanks ShyAngel , I've read that one in a magazine or newspaper, some days back and can n't recall the name of the characters , or recall the name of the print medium.

However one more to follow:

This one I got by SMS, I'm translating it.

Take a 100 watt bulb and write your father's name on it , and switch it on and people will say 'Tum Apna Baap Ka nam roshan kar rahe ho'

 

[Rage]

MARRATHA PRIDE!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5627Vk_WhI

In theaters in India.....April 3rd 2009. Go catch it now.

 

[vijaytripoli]

A little old lady walks into a Baskin Robbins. She looks around for a while, and then says to the man behind the counter "I`ll take a quart of chocolate.".
The man replies " I`m sorry Madam but we are all out of chocolate, if you look around I`m sure you will find something else that you like."
The old lady says "okay" so she looks around and says "I`ll have a pint of chocolate Ice Cream."
The man behind the counter replies "I`m sorry Madam but we are all out of chocolate ice cream, I`m sure if you look around I`m sure you`ll find something else that you would like."
So the little old lady looks around and says "okay I`ll have a scoop of chocolate ice cream on a sugar cone"
The man behind the counter is boiling mad by this point, but manages to keep his cool and not yell at the little old lady. He then asks her "Can you spell the word straw in strawberry?".
The old lady said "YES".
The man then asked her "Can you spell the word van in vanilla?"
The old lady once again said "YES".
The man then replied "Can you spell the word F#CK in chocolate?"
The old lady looks a little puzzled and then replies "there is no F#CK in chocolate.".
The man says to her " THAT`S WHAT I`VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU LADY, THERE IS NO F#CKING CHOCOLATE!!"

 

[vijaytripoli]

HA HA MAN THIS SO COOL


Welshman buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool.. After
several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant,
and phones a vet for help. The vet tells him that he should try
artificial insemination.


The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not
wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know
when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop
standing around and instead will lie down and wallow in grass when
they are pregnant.

The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion
that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep himself.

So, he loads the sheep into his Land Rover, drives them out into the woods,
has sex with them all, brings them back, and goes to bed.

Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they
are all still standing around, he deduces that the first try didn't
take, and loads them in the Land Rover again.. He drives them out to
the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back,
and goes to bed exhausted.

Next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing round.
Try again.' he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up, and drive
them out to the woods He spends all day shagging the sheep and upon
returning home, falls knackered into bed.

The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look
out of the window.. He asks his wife to look, and tell him if the sheep
are lying in the grass.

'No,' she says, 'they're all in the Land Rover, and one of them is beeping the horn.'

 

[vijaytripoli]

A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said,
'Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.'

'What do you mean?' said the pirate, 'I feel fine.'

Bartender: 'What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before.'

Pirate: 'Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with
a cannon ball, but I'm fine now.'

Bartender: 'Well, OK, but what about that hook?
What happened to your hand?'

Pirate: 'We were in another battle. I boarded a ship
and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook.
I'm fine, really.'

Bartender: 'What about that eye patch?'

Pirate: 'Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of
seagulls flew over. I looked up and one of them sh!t in my eye.'

'You're kidding,' said the bartender, 'you lost an
eye just from bird sh!t.'?

Pirate: 'It was my first day with the hook.'

 

[vijaytripoli]

Do not fool, with little old ladies

DO NOT FOOL, WITH LITTLE OLD LADIES
The Night of April 1st


Defense Attorney:
Will you please state your age?

Little Old Lady:
I am 71 years old.

Defense Attorney:
Will you tell us, in your own
words, what happened the
night of April 1st?

Little Old Lady:
There I was, sitting in my
swing on my front
porch on a warm spring
evening, when a young
man comes
creeping up on the porch
and sat down beside me.

Defense Attorney:
Did you know him?

Little Old Lady:
No, but he sure was friendly.

Defense Attorney:
What happened after he sat down?
Little Old Lady:
He started to rub my thigh.

Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him?

Little Old Lady:
No, I didn't stop him.

Defense Attorney:
Why not?

Little Old Lady:
It felt good. Nobody had
done that since my Albert
died some 30 years ago.

Defense Attorney:
What happened next?

Little Old Lady:
He began to rub my breasts.

Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him then?

Little Old Lady:
No, I did not stop him.

Defense Attorney:
Why not?

Little Old Lady:
His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I
haven't felt that good in years!

Defense Attorney:
What happened next?

Little Old Lady:
Well, by then, I was feeling so 'spicy'
that I just laid down and told him 'Take
me, young man. Take me now!'

Defense Attorney:
Did he take you?

Little Old Lady:
Hell, no! He just yelled, 'April Fool!'and ran off.
And that's when I shot him ............. the little bastard.

 

[vijaytripoli]

Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, surely i ca

My name is alice , and i was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist.

I noticed his dds diploma on the wall, which bore his full name.

Suddenly, i remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same

name had been in my high school class some 30-odd years ago.

Could he be the same guy that i had a secret crush on, way back then?

Upon seeing him, however, i quickly discarded any such thought.

This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way

too old to have been my classmate. After he examined my teeth, i asked him if he had attended kau high school .

'yes. Yes, i did. I'm a trojan,' he gleamed with pride.

'when did you graduate?' i asked.

He answered, 'in 1979. Why do you ask?'

'you were in my class!', i exclaimed.

He looked at me closely.

Then, that ugly,

old,

bald,

wrinkled,

fat-assed,

gray-haired,

decrepit

son-of-a-#####

asked,

'what did you teach???

 

[vijaytripoli]

For those, who doesn't listen carefully, what the doctor says....


Doc, you've gotta help me! My wife just isn't interested in sex
anymore. Haven't you got a pill or something I can give her?"

"Look, I can't prescribe..."

"Doc, we've been friends for years. Have you ever seen me this
upset? I'm desperate! I can't think; I can't concentrate; my life
is going utterly to hell! You've got to help me."

The doctor opens his desk drawer and removes a small bottle of
pills. "Ordinarily, I wouldn't do this. These are experimental;
the tests so far indicate that they're VERY powerful. Don't give
her more than ONE, understand? Just ONE."

"I don't know, doc; she's awfully cold..."

"One. No more. In her coffee. Okay?"

"Um... okay."

He thanks the doc and heads for home where his wife has dinner
waiting. When dinner is finished, she goes to the kitchen to
bring dessert. He pulls the pills from his pocket and drops one
into his wife's coffee. He thinks for a moment, hesitates, then
drops in a second pill. And then he begins to worry. The doctor
did say they were powerful.

Then an inspiration strikes... he drops one pill into his own
coffee. His wife returns and they enjoy their dessert and coffee.
Sure enough, a few minutes after they finish, his wife shudders a
little, sighs deeply and heavily, and a strange look enters her
eyes. In a near-whisper and in a tone of voice he has never heard
her use before, she looks at him seductively and says, "I need a
man... Right now!!"

His eyes glitter, and his hands tremble as he replies,
"Me too..."

 

[vijaytripoli]

A man walks into a drug store with his 10 year old son. They happen to
walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, 'What are these, dad?'
To which the man matter-of-factly replies, 'Those are called condoms, son.
Men use them to have safe sex.'
'Oh I see,' replied the boy pensively. 'Yes, I've heard of that in
health class at school.'

He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, 'Why
are there 3 in this package?'
The dad replies, 'Those are for the high school boys, ONE for Friday,
ONE for Saturday, and ONE for Sunday.'

'Cool' says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, 'Then who are these
for?'
'Those are for college men,' the dad answers, 'TWO for Friday, TWO for
Saturday, and TWO for Sunday.'

'WOW!' exclaimed the boy. 'Then who uses THESE?' he asks, picking up a 12
pack.

With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied, 'Those are for married
men. ONE for January, ONE for February, ONE for March...............'

 

[vijaytripoli]

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=9731d_4407

New French Anti-Tank Missile.
i would be sh******ing in my pants . lol
chau

 

[raghavi]

hey can anyone say me ..... is there any option to upload a movie?? here ????

 

[Pintu]

New French Anti-Tank Missile.

LOL , What nice find Vijay ,

Regards

 

[ShyAngel]

Enjoy my one of old time fav song......

YouTube - Mohammad Rafi&?-Pyar To Ek Din Hona Tha

 

[Jeypore]

YouTube - dard - e - tanhai (Full song) - Jashnn (2009)

YouTube - kareena kapoor - Bebo Full audio song