Jokes Thread

patriots

patriots

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the best joke of all time.......

Pakistan .....Kashmir humara hay
 
ezsasa

ezsasa

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They duped someone saying they got contract from NASA...
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Dwarka's Inter-border Gangs Investigation Squad arrests father & son for duping Rs.1.43 crores from a garment exporter on pretext of selling & testing a machine called 'Rice Puller', they claimed they'll arrange sale of ‘Rice Puller’ to space agencies for Rs. 37,500 cr.




 
ezsasa

ezsasa

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Legend Of Ram| Stand up Comedy| Rajasekhar Mamidanna| Full Show
 
Haldiram

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https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-m...nt-that-ever-happened-to-you/answers/71053242

I was 29 year old and it was september of year 2006 in India. Me and my girlfriend for 6 years had recently married each other and it was our wedding night. So with all this briefing done, lets go to the incident right away.

I enter the room with bed all decorated for us to have a memorable night. From inside the room I could hear all my relatives chatting and passing the night away. My family circus is a very close knit one and certainly when everyone gets together, everyone is very excited and loud (well they are loud all the time).

So coming back to the inside of the room, Me and my wife are all in mood to make this night special. We take off our clothes and jump onto the bed. The bed was in a corner touching the wall. My wife was towards the wall and I was towards the open side of the bed. It was the time to take the condom out. I had put it in the drawer on the opposite end of the room. My wife gets up to get it, stands on the bed, crosses me to get down of the bed. But while she was doing it, she brings all her hair in front and gives a flip. I still don’t know why.

And what a flip it was!!! Directly to the ceiling fan above. All of a sudden there is a loud scream and I see her hair stuck to the ceiling fan. I run and switch off the ceiling fan. She is hysterical, screaming and crying while I stand on the bed trying to untangle it. I was trying my best to get hair out of the fan but man that is really hard!! All of a sudden all the noise from outside the room dissappeared. Then there was a gentle knock. One of my aunt asked ‘Is everything alright?’. Everyone was getting worried hearing my wife crying inside. I was pleading her to cry softly but each time I asked her for same, her cries became little louder. I said ‘yeah we are fine’. But certainly having a wailing wife inside the room must not have been very reassuring for them.

My wife was continuously crying and I was getting more desperate as I had no idea how to untangle that. To add to our woes, It was a very very hot night and with fan switched off we were completely drenched in sweat. Few more knocks came to our door and the voices from outside were getting more and more concerned with every knock. I was literally running around in the room trying to find anything which can help me untangle. It went on for a good 30 mins. Finally I got a pair of scissors to cut her tangled hair. She had been growing her for years. Seeing scissor in my hand and me ready to cut her hair, she started crying even more. Now I was pretty sure our neighbors got out in their yard wondering what is happening at our house. “No no no, please don’t do it. Please don’t do it. No no no” she was pleading and crying as loud as she can.

Then there was a very loud knock on the door with my dad’s very stern voice demanding me to open the door. I responded back “Just 5 more mins, I will open the door” while hoping and praying that they don’t break open the door.

It didn’t even occur to us that I can put clothes on her and then open the door and have more people help us!! Now when I think of the day, I feel so stupid. Seriously after that I stopped relying on my brain during crisis situation.

Finally I was able to get her hair off with very little use of the scissors. We got dressed up fast and opened the door to find my entire family waiting outside the door with horrified look on their faces.I dont know what they made out of our sweaty bodies, myy wife’s totally messed up hair and our breathlessness, but what happened inside was definitely not what they were thinking. :-(
Click to expand...
 
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Chinese in Hira Mandi : What is the rate?

Pakistani Pimp : Huzoor in name of CPEC and our friendship, 10000 for the girl, 5000 for me and 2000 for Police.

Chinese (In a happy mood) : You are my real friend. Bring the Policeman first..........
 
Haldiram

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---------------------------wokay bad joke---------------------------
 
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Adioz

Adioz

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Viewer discretion advised. Watch at your own risk. Not my fault if you bust a gut.

At 2:30 that is definitely a Porki kid.
 
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