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Adam Fletcher, Startup Hipster and honorary German, shares his insights into the top tips to becoming a real citizen of Schland. Just remember to obey the red man and get some qualifications"¦
That is a Soviet made Lada Zhiguli, from East Germany, based on the Fiat, and also similar to Premier Automobiles' 118NE.9. Drink Apfelsaftschorle
Germans fear any beverage that doesn't fizz. It brings them out in a cold sweat. It's a great comedic joy to live in a country where you can watch tourists and foreigners buying "classic" water, thinking that since for millions of years now "classic" water, you know, the kind that fallen from the sky since the dawn of time, was still, uncarbonated water, it would be the same here, right?
Oh no. Millions of years of water history have been conveniently forgotten. "Classic" means carbonated, of course. You big silly. Learn to like it. If not, when visiting the homes of your new German friends, you'll request tap water and they'll look at you like you are some primitive savage they just found in the woods covered in a blanket of your own hair.
Related to this is Apfelsaftschorle. You know in movies when people go to therapy and then the therapist asks them to create a happy place. A safe, tranquil spot they can turn to when the world gets too big and scary. Usually it's a beach, or a rocking chair on the front porch of an idyllic childhood home?
For Germans, that happy place is swimming naked in a lake of Apfelsaftschorle. Tired after a long day of stamping and form filling, confronted with a 15-page long restaurant menu, baffled by the burdens of choice, they always retreat to their happy place and order Apfelsaftschorle. It's steady, reliable.
For more than a century Germans, smug with their discovery of fizzy water, all their abundant breweries producing fine beers and ales, they didn't believe it could get any better. Then some bright spark tried adding a little apple juice to that fizzy water. Creating something equally refreshing, but 6 per cent more fun! It was a near riot.
People were not ready. It was almost too fun. An all-night discoparty for the tastebuds. Of course, it won't taste like that to you, with your funny foreign pallet. Apfelsaftschorle will taste to you as it really is, a fractional improvement on water's boring taste.
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