The Official PJ Thread

Discussion in 'Members Corner' started by EnlightenedMonk, Mar 15, 2009.

  1. EnlightenedMonk

    EnlightenedMonk Member of The Month JULY 2009 Senior Member

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    This is a thread dedicated to PJs (Poor Jokes). These jokes are generally found abundantly in Engineering college campuses where the over-tortured students resort to this form of escapism... And this thread officially represents the deranged minds of the thread creator and those who visit this thread to read the PJs which are also in some circles known as "cheap jokes"...

    These jokes are read at your own risk. Some side effects of reading such jokes include attempting suicide, trying to pull out your own hair and so these are to be read at the sole risk of the reader...:D:D:D:D:D

    This thread is a work of pure fiction and the perverted imagination of the posters. Any resemblance to any person dead or alive or any member of this forum is purely coincidental... :D:D:D:D:D
     
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  3. EnlightenedMonk

    EnlightenedMonk Member of The Month JULY 2009 Senior Member

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    This is a true story of a young college girl who passed away last month. Her
    name was Priya. She was hit by a lorry. She has a boy friend named Shankar.
    Both of them are true lovers. They always hang on the phone. You can never
    see her without her handphone. In fact she also changed her phone from
    Airtel to Hutch, so both of them can be on the same network, and save on the cost.

    She spends half of the day talking with shankar. Priya’s family knows about
    their relationship. Shankar is very close with Priya’s family. (just imagine
    their love) . Before she passed away she always told her friends “If I pass
    away please burn me with my handphone” she also said the same thing to her
    parents.

    After her death, people cant carry her coffin, I was there. A lot of them
    tried to do so but still cant , everybody including me, had tried to carry
    the coffin, the result is still the same. Eventually, they called their
    neighbour, a “bomoh” from Thailand (pak Darin), who is a friend of her
    father. He took a stick and started speaking to himself slowly. After a few
    minutes, he said “this girl misses something here”. then her friends told
    Darin about her intentions to burn her with her phone. He then opened the
    coffin and place her phone and SIM card inside the casket. after that they
    tried to carry the coffin. It could be moved and they carried it into the
    van easily. All of us were shocked. (can u feel the fear. I’m shaking at
    this moment)

    Priya’s parents did not inform Shankar that Priya had passed away. After 2
    weeks Shankar called Priya’s mom. Shankar :….”Atte, I’m coming home today.
    Cook something nice for me. Dont tell Priya that I’m coming home today, i
    wanna surprise her.” Her mother replied…..”You come home first, i wanna
    tell you something very important.” after he came, they told him the truth
    about Priya.

    Shankar thinks that they were playing a fool. He was laughing and said “dont
    try to fool me - tell Priya to come out, i have a gift for her Please stop
    this nonsense”. then they show him the original death certificate to him.
    They gave him proof to make him believe. (Shankar started to sweat) ..

    He said… “Its not true. we spoke yesterday. She still calls me. Shankar
    was shaking. Suddenly, Shankar’s phone rang. “see this is from Priya, see
    this…” he showed the phone to priya’s family. all of them told him to
    answer.he talked using the loudspeaker mode. all of them heard his
    conversation.

    Loud and clear, no cross lines, no humming. It is the actual voice of Priya
    & there is no way others could use her SIM card since it is nailed inside
    the coffin they were so shocked and asked for pak Darin’s help again. pak
    Darin brought his master (tok Chen) to solve this matter. He & Darin worked
    for 5 hours. Then they discovered one thing…
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    HUTCH has the best coverage

    Wherever you go, our network follows!!!! :D:D:D:D:D

    Hee hee .. even I went nuts reading this .. y spare u ?
     
  4. EnlightenedMonk

    EnlightenedMonk Member of The Month JULY 2009 Senior Member

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    Question : What is the opposite of Achaar…
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    No, nooo.. its not Vichaar

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    Socho Socho
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    Chalo hum batate hain…
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    Opposite of Achaar is Onion

    Par Kaisse????

    Aise :: Achaar = Pickle = pee-kal
    Opposite of Pee-kal is Pee-aaj = peeaaaj == Onion….Hence proved!!!!
     
  5. EnlightenedMonk

    EnlightenedMonk Member of The Month JULY 2009 Senior Member

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    Why did Newton commit suicide ???

    Here is the reason.

    Once, Newton came to India and watched a few Tamil movies that had his head spinning. He was convinced that all his logic and laws in physics were just a huge pile of junk and apologized for everything he had done.

    In the movie of Rajanikanth, Newton was confused to such an extent that he went paranoid. Here are a few scenes

    1) Rajanikanth has a Brain Tumor which, according to the doctors can’t be cured and his death is imminent. In one of the fights, our great Rajanikanth is shot in the head. To everybody’s surprise, the bullet passes through his ears taking away the tumor along with it and he is cured! Long Live Rajanikanth!

    2) In another movie, Rajanikanth is confronted with 3 gangsters.

    Rajanikanth has a gun but unfortunately only one bullet and a knife.
    Guess, what he does?
    He throws the knife at the middle gangster? & shoots the bullet towards the knife. The knife cuts the bullet into 2 pieces, which kills both the gangsters on each side of the middle gangster & the knife kills the middle one.

    3) Rajanikanth is chased by a gangster.. Rajanikanth has a revolver but no bullets in it. Guess what he does. Nah? Not even in your remotest imaginations.

    He waits for the gangster to shoot. As soon as the gangster shoots, Rajanikanth opens the bullet compartment of his revolver and catches the bullet. Then, he closes the bullet compartment and fires his gun…. Bang…the gangster dies…

    This was too much for our Newton to take! He was completely shaken and decided to go back. But he happened to see another movie for one last time, and thought that at least one movie would follow his theory of physics. The whole movie goes fine and Newton is happy that all in the world hasn’t changed. Oops, not so fast!

    The ‘climax’ finally arrives.

    Rajanikanth gets to know that the villain is on the other side of a very high wall. So high that Rajanikanth can’t jump even if he tries like one of those superman techniques that our heroes normally use. Rajanikanth has to desperately kill the villain because it’s the climax.
    (Newton dada is smiling since it is virtually impossible?)

    Rajanikanth suddenly pulls two guns from his pockets. He throws one gun in the air and when the gun has reached above the height of the wall, he uses the second gun and shoots at the trigger of the first gun in air. The first gun fires off and the villain is dead.

    Newton Commits Suicide!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  6. EnlightenedMonk

    EnlightenedMonk Member of The Month JULY 2009 Senior Member

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    How do you embarass an archeologist?





    ans:give him a used Whisper (sanitary pad) and tell him to find out which PERIOD it belongs to.............hehehehe :D:D:D:D:D
     
  7. EnlightenedMonk

    EnlightenedMonk Member of The Month JULY 2009 Senior Member

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    Recently u must have heard that The Da Vinci Code was banned from release in Punjab because of protests.

    Apparently, i had to go there to solve some serious issues and now they have agreed to release the movie after i changed its title...


    It is now called 'Vinci Da Code'. :D:D:D:D:D
     
  8. EnlightenedMonk

    EnlightenedMonk Member of The Month JULY 2009 Senior Member

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    Whats the opposite of Real??

    Its COCONUT….

    kya hua…. Confused??

    jara ….Socho…yaar ???

    opposite of real is ‘Na-Real’ . in English it is coconut...
     
  9. EnlightenedMonk

    EnlightenedMonk Member of The Month JULY 2009 Senior Member

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    i’ll write a book an pjs and dedicate it to whom? our former president….why
    scroll down for answer
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    coz he is A.P.J. Abdul Kalam
     
  10. EnlightenedMonk

    EnlightenedMonk Member of The Month JULY 2009 Senior Member

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    what is the vector form of Sridevi????
    ???
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    (u must have studied vector algebra to know its answer)


    ANS : - TABU!!!!

    confused???? why????
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    ok i’l tell you…

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    . Sridevi did Chandni and Tabu did Chandni Bar!!!!! :D:D:D:D
     
  11. EnlightenedMonk

    EnlightenedMonk Member of The Month JULY 2009 Senior Member

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    What would Dharmendra say to Hema Malini if he wants to tell her to
    call him up…?

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    Ans - Ring De Basanti :D:D:D:D:D
     
  12. EnlightenedMonk

    EnlightenedMonk Member of The Month JULY 2009 Senior Member

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    A dentist was examining a patient having a highly contageous deadly
    disease….

    As soon he opens the patients mouth the disease gets transferred to the
    doctor… how??

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    …Because the patient had a bluetooth!!
     
  13. EnlightenedMonk

    EnlightenedMonk Member of The Month JULY 2009 Senior Member

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    three cockroaches were going on the road, suddenly one of them started
    singing the song — AASHIQ BANAYA AAPNE.

    Few mins later, all the three cockroaches died……any idea why?????

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    COZ the song is HIT……
     
  14. EnlightenedMonk

    EnlightenedMonk Member of The Month JULY 2009 Senior Member

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    Once in MIT, there was an Indian student.

    He was very briliant, and his General Knowledge (GK) was excellent.
    He won every Quiz in the institute .... Once he fell in love with a
    Phirang i girl...

    He proposed the girl, but She straight way rejected him ... calling him
    Bloody Desi...

    So after this, his GK fell drastically, and he stopped taking part in Quiz
    and all.....

    Now, you tell me the reason ... WHY ???
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    because,

    Jab Dil hi toot gaya....
    Toh hum GK kya karenge ...
     
  15. EnlightenedMonk

    EnlightenedMonk Member of The Month JULY 2009 Senior Member

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    Just in case you were still wondering as to why India lost the final of the
    2003 world cup after playing so well in the league games, probably here lies the answer…..

    The teams that qualified for the super six stage…

    India , Sri Lanka , Australia , New Zealand , Kenya ,Zimbabwe .



    Note there are two teams each from the continents of Asia ,Australasia &
    Africa respectively ..



    The teams that have the last alphabet “a” in their names qualified for the
    semifinals viz.



    Indi’a’ , Australi’a’ , Keny’a’ & Sri Lank’a’.



    The teams that have alphabets “ia” at the last of their name qualified for
    the Final i.e



    Ind “ia” & Austral”ia “.



    Now,


    Kisne World Cup ”lia” - Austra”lia”



    Kisne World Cup “dia” - In”dia” :D:D:D:D:D
     
  16. EnlightenedMonk

    EnlightenedMonk Member of The Month JULY 2009 Senior Member

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    How do u calculate the volume of a person who has lost his memory?













    think....










    vichar kara....










    socho....











    ok, use the formula....




    Volume=1/3*(pi*r*r*h)



    "coz a person whoz lost his memory always says....Mai Kaun (Cone) hu?? "
     
  17. EnlightenedMonk

    EnlightenedMonk Member of The Month JULY 2009 Senior Member

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    Bruce Lee was pretty famous in the world before his sister gave birth to a child... after that, nobody would even recognize him... why?
    .






    Coz he became Mamu-Lee !!! :D:D:D:D:D
     
  18. EnlightenedMonk

    EnlightenedMonk Member of The Month JULY 2009 Senior Member

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    What is the opposite of Nagpanchami??



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    nag 'dont punch me'
     
  19. EnlightenedMonk

    EnlightenedMonk Member of The Month JULY 2009 Senior Member

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    Question: You are in a boat in the middle of a river. you have 2 cigarettes
    and have to light any one cigarette. you don't have anything else with you in the boat? How will you do it ???













    Answer: Take one cigarette and throw it in the water. so the boat will become LIGHTER........using this LIGHTER you can light the other cigarette


    another deadly answer. scroll down a little











    Another solution: You throw a cigarette up and catch it.
    Catches win Matches. Using the matches that you win, you can light the cigarette

    If that was not enough, one more deadly answer.... scroll down










    Take water in your hand and drop it drop by drop...(TIP - TIP)
    "TIP TIP barsa Pani.
    Pani ne aag lagayee."
    us aag se hamne cigarette jalayee".
     
  20. EnlightenedMonk

    EnlightenedMonk Member of The Month JULY 2009 Senior Member

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    1 sardar to another : Jaa mere ghar jaake dekh main hoon ke nahi ...!!

    2nd ran immediately to find out ...

    1st sardar rolling on the floor laughing: HAHAHAHAHAH....saala ...ghar pe dekhne jaa rahah hai ...phone karke nahi pucch sakta ?
     
  21. EnlightenedMonk

    EnlightenedMonk Member of The Month JULY 2009 Senior Member

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    One day a man calls his wife from his IDEA mobile
    his call gets cross connected to some other
    lady.They still keep on talking..they start liking each other..and finally
    they get married.



    what MORAL do u get???







    An IDEA can change your wife.
     

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