The Differential Theory of Indian Armed Forces

Discussion in 'Members Corner' started by SpArK, Oct 29, 2012.

  1. SpArK

    SpArK SORCERER Senior Member

    Oct 24, 2010
    Likes Received:
    Upon encountering a snake in the Area of Operations (AO)

    1. Infantry: Snake smells them, leaves area.

    2. Paratroopers: Lands on and kills the snake.

    3. Armoured : Runs over snake, laughs, and looks for more snakes.

    4. Army Aviation: Has Global Positioning Satellite coordinates to snake. Can't find snake. Returns to base for refuel, crew rest.

    5. Artillery: Kills snake with massive Time On Target barrage with three Forward Artillery Brigades in support. Kills several hundred civilians as unavoidable collateral damage. Mission is considered a success and all participants (i.e., cooks, mechanics and clerks) are awarded Commendation cards.

    6. Special Forces(all services): Makes contact with snake, ignores all directives and Theater Commander Rules of Engagement by building rapport with snake and winning its heart and mind. Trains it to kill other snakes. Files enormous travel settlement upon return.

    7. Combat Engineer: Studies snake. Prepares in-depth doctrinal thesis in obscure 5 series Field Manual about how to defeat snake using countermobility assets. Complains that maneuver forces don't understand how to properly conduct doctrinal counter-snake ops.

    8. Navy MARCOS: Expends all ammunition and calls for naval gunfire support in failed attempt to kill snake. Snake bites MARCOS and retreats to safety. Bollywood makes fantasy film in which MARCOS kill Muslim extremist snakes.

    9. Navy: Fires off 50 cruise missiles from various types of ships, kills snake and makes presentation to Parliamentary Committee on how Naval forces are the most cost-effective means of anti-snake force projection.

    10. CMP(Military Police): Escorts the snake elsewhere.

    11. Quartermaster: (NOTICE: Your anti-snake equipment is on backorder.)

    12. IL76 Transport pilot: Receives call for anti-snake equipment, delivers two weeks after due date.

    13. MIG-21 pilot: Mis-identifies snake as enemy Mil-24 Hind helicopter and engages with missiles. Crew chief paints snake kill on aircraft.

    14. Judge Advocate General (JAG): Snake declines to bite, citing grounds of professional courtesy.

    15. Signals: Tries to communicate with repeated attempts. Complains that the snake did not have the correct fill or did not know how to work equipment a child could operate. Signal Officer informs the commander that he could easily communicate with the snake using just his voice. Commander insists that he NEEDS to video-conference with the snake, with real-time streaming positional and logistical data on the snake displayed on video screens to either side. Gives Signal Corps $5 Billion to make this happen. SigO abuses the 2 smart people in the corps to make it happen, while everybody else stands around, bitches, and takes credit. In the end, General Dynamics and several sub-contractors make a few billion dollars, the 2 smart people get out and go to work for them, and the commander gets what he asked for only in fiber-optic based simulations. The snake is forgotten.

    Source:Fauji brats :borat:
    Snuggy321 and Rage like this.
  3. Rage

    Rage DFI TEAM Stars and Ambassadors

    Feb 23, 2009
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    Interesting postprandial commentary on the operations of the Indian Armed Forces.
    W.G.Ewald likes this.

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