Movies and Entertainment

[shiv]

Strange Facts
The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time television were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.

Coca-Cola was originally green.

Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.

Hawaiian alphabet has 12 letters.

Men can read smaller print than women; women can hear better.

City with the most Rolls Royce's per capita: Hong Kong

State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska

Percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28%

Percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%

Barbie's measurements if she were life size: 39-23-33

Cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400

Average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000.

Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.

The youngest pope was 11 years old.

First novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.

The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.

Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:

Spades - King David
Clubs - Alexander the Great,
Hearts-Charlemagne, and
Diamonds - Julius Caesar.

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle; if the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle; if the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.

"I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.

The term "the whole 9 yards" came from W.W.II fighter pilots in the South Pacific. When arming their airplanes on the ground, the .50 caliber machine gun ammo belts measured exactly 27 feet, before being loaded into the fuselage. If the pilots fired all their ammo at a target, it got "the whole 9 yards."

Hershey's Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt.

The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.

The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one mile in every five must be straight. These straight sections are usable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies.

The name Jeep came from the abbreviation used in the army for the "General Purpose" vehicle, G.P.

The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth II, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.

The only two days of the year in which there are no professional sports games (MLB, NBA, NHL, or NFL) are the day before and the day after the Major League all-stars Game.

 

[yang]

 

[yang]

 

[yang]

 

[Triton]

:scared0016: Bracelet

A lady walks into a very upscale jewelry shop. She browses around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. Bending over to get a closer look, she accidentally passes gas.

Extremely embarrassed, she freezes for a few moments and then slowly straightens up and turns around to see whether anyone has noticed her little accident. Her worst fears are confirmed in the form of a Salesman standing right behind her.

Cool as a cucumber, the salesman greets the lady with a very professional, 'Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?'

Hoping against hope that he may just not have been there at the time of her little 'accident', she asks, 'Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?'

He answers, 'Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you're going to shit when I tell you the price

 

[vijaytripoli]

Men just don't listen!

Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called in a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check. Oh, by the way don't worry about my dog Spike. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY ircumstances, talk to my parrot! I MUST STRESS TO YOU: DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!"


When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking dog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work.

The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling.
Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled,
"Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!"

To which the parrot replied, "Get him Spike!"


chau

 

[vijaytripoli]

This is what we want in Europe:

1. Swiss salary.
2. Luxembourg taxes.
3. German car.
4. British home.
5. Spanish girls.
6. French wine.
7. Italian food.
8. Belgian beer.
9. Austrian mountains.
10. Danish administration.

And this is the EC's proposal for a Europe after EMU:

1. Czech salary.
2. Swedish taxes.
3. Spanish car.
4. Greek home.
5. Irish girls.
6. German wine.
7. British food.
8. French beer.
9. Dutch mountains.
10. Italian administration.

Apparently, when we join the EMU, the term "spending a penny" will be
replaced by "euronating."

 

[vijaytripoli]

An Belgiangoes into a shop and buys a chainshaw. Two weeks later he
brings it back.

Belgian: "This chainsaw is faulty. I bought this it two weeks ago
after you said it would chop down 50 trees an hour, but it only does
one."

Shop assistant: "Well let's take a look at it then..."

So the shop assistant takes the machine off the Belgian and starts it
up.

BRRRRRBRRRRRBRRRRR

Belgian: "What's that noise?"

 

[vijaytripoli]

*How do you recognize a Belgian in an airport? He's the one giving grains to airplanes.

*At a conference about space mission a Belgian team announce they will send a probe on the sun. Everybody laugh. The Belgian is irritated and says: "we're not stupid, we'll send it by night".

*A Frenchman visits a Belgian friend who just became a father.
-Oh the lovely baby, how old is he?
-15 days
-And what's his name?
-We don't know, he doesn't speaks yet.

 

[vijaytripoli]

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING
MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and
cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the
same thing to them at funerals.

 

[vijaytripoli]

Old one but difinetely a market leader !

Son: Dad, I have to do a special report for school. Can I ask you a question?
Father: Sure, son. What's the question?
Son: What is politics?
Father: Well, let's take our home for example. I am the wage earner, so let's call me “Tony Blair.” Your mother is the administrator of money, so we'll call her “Gordon Brown.” We take care of your needs, so we'll call you “the People.” We'll call the maid “the Working Class,” and your baby brother we can call “the Future.” Do you understand, son?
Son: I'm not really sure, Dad. I'll have to think about it.

That night, awakened by his baby brother's crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parents' room and found his mother sound asleep. He went to the maid's room where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy's knocking went totally unheeded by his father and the maid, so the boy returned to his room and went back to sleep. The next morning he reported to his father.
Son: Dad, now I think I understand what politics is.
Father: Good, son! Can you explain it to me in your own words?
Son: Well, dad, while Tony Blair is screwing the Working Class, Gordon Brown is sound asleep, the People are being completely ignored and the Future is full of @#%$.

 

[vijaytripoli]

A man desperatley walks into a public W.C, and soon after taking the seat hears a voice from the next cubicle.

"Hi, how you doing"?

Reluctantly, he replies, "Fine, thank you"!

Then he hears, "What's happening, where have you been"?

Some what surprised he replies, " Oh, I was out shopping, but nature calls so I had to dash in here"!

After a brief pause, and to his dis-may, he hears the fellow from the next cubicle,

"Listen buddy, I'll call you back, some idiot keeps replying to my conversation with you"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[vijaytripoli]

You are on the bus when you suddenly realize you need to fart.

The music is really loud, so you time your farts with the beat.

After a couple of songs, you start to feel better as you approach your stop.

As you are leaving the bus, people are really staring you down, and that's when you remember: you've been listening to your ipod!

 

[vijaytripoli]

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles along for the company.

One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that he's lost.

Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch. The old poodle thinks, 'Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!'

Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the old poodle exclaims loudly, 'Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here.’ Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. 'Whew!' says the leopard, 'That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!'

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the entire scene from a nearby tree figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.

The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, 'Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!'

Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, 'What am I going to do now?', but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says:’ Where’s that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!'

Moral of this story....Don't mess with old farts... Age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! Bullshit and brilliance only come with age and experience.

 

[vijaytripoli]

... And Then The Fight Started



My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And then the fight started....

 

[vijaytripoli]

And then the fight started.....
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realised I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me'. And she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten Disability, too'

 

[vijaytripoli]

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage . I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'

My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?'

And that's how the fight started ...

 

[vijaytripoli]

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's darn near perfect.'

And then the fight started.....

 

[vijaytripoli]

A hippie goes into a restaurant and orders a Milkshake.

He says,"Not too thick, not too thin, but in the groove man, in the groove.

The cook hears this and gets a little annoyed, but sends out the Milkshake
anyway.

Then the hippie orders some fries, and says, "Not too crisp, not too soft,
but in the groove man, in the groove."

Now the cook is really pissed off, but he makes the fries.

Then the hippie orders a hamburger, and says, "Not too big, not too small,
but in the groove man, in the groove."

The cook storms out of the kitchen, pulls down his pants, turns around and
bends over in front of the Hippie and says, "You can kiss my ass man, not
too much to the left, not too much to the right, but in the groove man, in
the groove."

 

[vijaytripoli]

Teacher asks kindergarten students what kind of medicines they know and what
they are used for.

First pupil: 'Tylenol?'

Teacher: 'Very good! And what is it used for?'

Pupil: 'It is used for headaches'

Second pupil: 'Nytol Teacher'

Teacher: 'Excellent. And what it is used for?'

Pupil: 'To help you sleep'

Now it is Johnny's turn and he says: 'Viagra'

Teacher, slightly shocked: 'Johnny, What do you think is it used for?'

Johnny: 'It can be used for diarrhea'

Teacher: 'Who told you this?'

Johnny: 'Nobody, but every evening my mother tells my father 'Take a Viagra,
maybe that little $#it will get harder'.