For Sehwag Fans : Jarrod Kimber

[trackwhack]

Those who dont know Jarrods Kimber's blog - cricketwithballs, here is a peice on Sehwag's 300 against South Africa. :cool2:

JESUS, MOSES, MADONNA, AND PARIS HILTON ARE OUT, SEHWAG IS IN

I'm not an expert on global politics, free markets, terrorism, or why people watch reality TV.

But I do know that all these things pale into insignificance when compared to Virender Sehwag's innings.

Natalie Portman turns ugly.

George Clooney loses charm.

Dubya Bush makes sense.

Britney Spears puts knickers on.

And Tony Greig is palatable after this innings.

It is the sort of innings that could turn Amelie Muaresmo straight and keep Warnie's pee pee in his pants.

If it were a hot woman, you could not only not score with it, that if you were in the same room, your tool would melt.

It could start and end wars.

Upon viewing it Aliens would be afraid to invade.

If you had the colt 45 cocked and pointed at your mouth you would put it down and pick up a cricket bat.

Sehwag batted so well the earth started spinning in other directions.

No one has been this unkind to the saffers since Muhummad Ali turned his back on a young Barry Richards.

When the Africans were killed by tribes of Zulu's it was nowhere near this brutal.

Batting at the other end was not a spectator sport, but a voyeuristic thrill ride through the realms of batting thought beyond those of mere mortals.

It was so good, there was a good 15 seconds when Sunil gavaskar didn't bag white people, Bishen Bedi didn't accuse everyone of being a chucker, and Navjot Sidhu made sense.

Yoko Ono and Paul McCartney had intercourse during his third hundred.

Palestinians invited Israelis around for a beer after a particular over of Ntini.

Anna Nicole Smith can back from the dead to give an Interview for ET, during the tea interval for maximum exposure.

Michael Moore went down on Dick Cheney. Nothing to do with Sehwag, just wanted to see if it was his bag.

The spice girls split up, after a fight over who would get to sleep with Sehwag.

Tom Cruise became a Sehwagologist.

And you know what, so should you.

We all should, I'm assuming all it takes is a little friar tuck action, a rotund little figure, balls the size of Jupiter and a touch of owls blood.

Join Sehwagology, its cheaper than other religions, twice as cool, and comes with it's own action hero.

309 off 292, put the kids to bed woman, we have business to attend to.

http://cricketwithballs.com/2008/03/28/jesus-moses-madonna-and-paris-hilton-are-out-sehwag-is-in/

 

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When Sehwag made 293 against Sri Lanka

SEHWAG SAVES

This is not an innings.

An innings has a fielding team.

It has a batsman at the other end.

There would also be spectators and commentators.

This has none of that.

This is a spiritual awakening.

A scream in the ear of the doubters.

A club to the head of the non-believers.

A nuke bomb to the groin of the heretics.

This wasn't an attack on Sri Lanka, this was one man conquering the world, fixing its ills, and turning on every single human being at the same time.

Erotic conquering for peace; with a bat.

Everyone seeing this innings is having spiritual sexual intercourse.

There is a reason I say seeing, not seen, because this innings is so good that it should never be talked about in past tense.

I suggest the people who are at the ground today should all kill themselves. How on earth are they ever going to top this innings? Either that or all run naked from the ground chanting the great one's name.

When the day finished, a microphone was thrust into the prophet's face, just like at Nazareth, and the man said, "I see the ball and I try and hit the ball".

I SEE the ball, and I TRY and HIT the ball.

Live by this my children.

Forget all your archaic religious practices, stop worshipping at the feet of some coked up rocker, put down all the books, just watch this man/prophet/god/force and you will get everything you need for life.

HE IS SEHWAG. YOU ARE SAVED.

http://cricketwithballs.com/2009/12/03/sehwag-saves/

 

[trackwhack]

THE SCRIPTURES OF SEHWAGOLOGY

The 10 Virendandments – Sehwag's Revelation in the Old Testament (Wisden).

They were given directly by Sehwag to the people of India at
Chidambaram Stadium after He had delivered them from Boredom in Chennai:

"And Sehwag spoke all these words, saying: 'I am the opening batsmen, your God"¦

ONE: 'You shall have no other gods before Me, except Sachin and maybe Sunil.'

TWO: 'You shall not make for yourself a carved image–any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. Infact don't carve anything that is not wide outside off stump.'

THREE: 'You shall not take the name of the LORD your God in vain, so if you stub your toe, try to not say Oh Sehwag.'

FOUR: 'Remember the 3rd day, the pitch is often at it's best.'

FIVE: 'Honor your father and your mother, and your sponsors.'

SIX: 'You shall not murder, exceptions made for opening bowlers, spinners and probots.'

SEVEN: 'You shall not commit quick singles.'

EIGHT: 'You shall not be worrying about playing and missing.'

NINE: 'You shall not bear false witness against the BCCi.'

TEN: 'You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, but if he bowls a wide half volley hit it like it stole your donkey or ox.'

If you want me to stay away from your donkey or ox, you can do so by commenting here and sending my blog to the wisden cricketer, where there is no talk of of donkeys.

the scriptures of sehwagology « cricket with balls