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4 Letter Words
A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother. Her mother asked, "How was the honeymoon?"
"Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..."
Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned Sam started using the most horrible language...things I'd never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4 letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home.... Please mama!"
"Sarah, Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words?"
"Please don't make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed they're just too awful! Come get me, please!"
"Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset.... Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!"
Still sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, mama...words like DUST, WASH, IRON, COOK...!"
Blonde Sells Car
A blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it. One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal."
"That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "if I only can sell the car."
"Okay," said the brunette.
"Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car."
The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car?" "No," replied the blonde, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it."
Prakash Karat, Communist Leader Supremo & his comrade Yechury were travelling together on a flight.
Karat was seated next to a little 5th grade girl on the airplane when Karat turned to her and said, 'Let's talk.'
I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?'
Oh, I don't know', said Karat . 'How about nuclear power?'
'OK'. she said. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first: 'A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass, the same
stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose
Prakash Karat turns towards Yechury in dismay .Thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea.'
To which the little girl replies: 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit !!
Another blond joke
A pretty and young blonde takes a plane to New York with a passage in tourist class. When she comes to the plane looking for her seat, suddenly she is in front of the first class seats. Seeing that these are very much big and comfortable she decides to sit down in the first empty seat she sees. The stewardess verifies her ticket and says to the girl that her seat is of tourist class. The blonde answers: "I am young, blond and pretty and I am going to sit down here up to New York ". Frustrated, the stewardess goes to the cabin and informs the captain of the problem with the blonde. The captain is going to speak with the blonde and confirms to her that her seat is of tourist class. The blonde answers: "I am young, blond and pretty and I am going to sit down here up to New York ". The captain does not want to cause problems, and returns to the cabin to comment on the problem to the co-pilot. The co-pilot says to him that his girlfriend is blond, and he can take care of the problem. So he goes to see the blonde and whispers a little to her ear, she immediately gets up and says: "Thank you so much", and embraces the co-pilot and goes to sit down to his her seat of tourist class. The pilot and the stewardess, after being hallucinated observing the scene, run to ask the co-pilot what have he said to the girl to convince her. The co-pilot says to them: "I just told her that first class seats do not go to New York ".
Former UN Under Secretary General and well known writer Shashi Tharoor has given the thumbs up to Danny Boyle’s movie Slumdog Millionaire, saying that for the first time in Hollywood and world cinema history, Indian citizens are in contention for two Oscars – one for best song and for A.R. Rahman''s musical score.
He believes that it is only right that Indians should celebrate the achievement, as they haven't often had much to root for at the Oscars, Hollywood's annual celebration of cinematic success.
Only two Indian movies have been nominated in the Best Foreign Language Film category in the last 50 years, and neither won. So, he says, that it isn’t surprising that Indians are taking a vicarious pleasure in the triumphs of "mainstream" pictures with an Indian connection -- the seven Oscars won by Richard Attenborough's Gandhi in 1983, for instance, or the success of The Sixth Sense, written and directed by a Philadelphian of Indian descent, Manoj Night Shyamalan.
This year, the country''s attention has been riveted by the surprise hit that Slumdog Millionaire has become, says Tharoor.
Got this via email
Have a Nice Day !!
Online chatting.... ... (Toooooooooooooooo goood)
A Guy WAS chatting with a female (never met her directly) - Online chat.
(Background, both are s/w engineers by the way and both work for real big MNC's )
Hero: Hey...GM (Good Morning)... How's u doing today?
Female: VGM....Day is going good and it got better having found u on chat
Hero: wow...am honored, u know what, my day starts only when I find you on Chat
Female: Yep...me too feel the same....Brb (be right back)'ll get some Coffee.
Hero: OK(Hero waits impatiently. Meanwhile, his manager comes to his seat.)
Manager: Hey, I need some help from you
Hero: [**** This guy always comes at wrong time] Yeah tell me
Manager: Could u write a program for me which generates nth prime number, given value of n. Would you give this by today evening?
Hero: I would do that, but I think it's quite hard, is it ok with you, if I Give it by tomorrow evening.
Manager: Yeah, that would be fine. Thank you [Leaves the place]
(Our hero sighs and stares at his monitor waiting impatiently for Female to Arrive. All of a sudden smiles on his face. Over to chat window...)
Female: Hey, am back
Hero: cool, you know what my manager does, She's kinda..... keeps asking stupid Things, tries to give me stupid work
Female: Yeah, it's the same everywhere. Real sick ppl these managers are!!
Hero: Yep, u rite!!
Female: Hey, can u do me a favor
Hero: *smiles* sure, why not.
Female: Hey, I want you to write me a program to print nth prime Number; given N. Would you give that to me by tomorrow evening? Plzzz. You know it's real Urgent for me to work this out
Hero: hey, that's a one-hour's work. Sure check Urmail in an hour from now. ok?
Female: THIS IS WHAT I ASKED U WHEN I CAME TO YOUR WORK PLACE. NOW YOU KNOW WHO I AM!! AND ONE MORE POINT.... YOUR 1 HOUR TIME STARTS NOW!!
A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in California when suddenly a brand-new BMW 7 Series advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.
The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Cartier sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, 'If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?'
Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, 'Sure, Why not?'
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his HP notebook computer, connects it to his Nokia N95 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany...
Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-Tech Miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, 'You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.'
'That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,' says Bud.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then the Bud says to the young man, 'Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?'
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, 'Okay, why not?'
'You're an IT Consultant', says Bud.
'Wow! That's correct,' says the yuppie, 'but how did you guess that?'
'No guessing required.' answered the cowboy. 'You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cows...this is a herd of sheep. . ..'
''Now give me back my dog''.
What do you guys feel about Slumdog winning the Oscar? I feel Rasool and AR deserved it, but the Best Movie and Director award should have been given to the Dark Knight! It was a far superior product and it showed us that Humans have Goodness in them in a very subtle way. I feel it was Wronged!
Ahmed try going through this article,
No Proof Required The American in Slumdog
By Surjit S Bhalla
(Business Standard, Feb. 7, 2009)
thanks a Lot Singh, I know Americans love the Underdog, and root for it! But Still I feel, Dark Knight was a superior Cinematic Experience. Rasool and AR deserved the award allright, but the Best Movie/Director award should have gone to the Dark Knight. I mean I loved it and so did many!
Adapted from a short story of the 1920’s written by F Scott Fitzgerald, The Curious case of Benjamin Button traces the unusual story of a man who is born in his eighties and ages backwards. Contrary to a human’s normal life cycle, Benjamin gets younger as he ages, thus making the time travel in the reverse!
Fincher very impressively makes the film’s protagonist Benjamin as the narrator thus making us see the film through his eyes. Every person that Benjamin interacts with after his birth, every lesson he learns, every feeling he becomes aware of, his making the most of the problem he can never get rid of and his consistent race against time forms the tale of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.
Every frame of the film, be it the scene when Benjamin gets abandoned at his birth, his fear and reticence towards reaching out to people who are normal, embarrassment while being looked upon as 70 when he is just seven... Benjamin Button is a haunting and melancholic tale that gives you goose-flesh throughout the three hours that it lasts for.
The art director, visual effects expert and make-up artists have painstakingly rendered their best work possible as you heart skips a beat every time you see Pitt getting younger. You actually feel like you are travelling back in time when you see Pitt in his 20’s in the film! His wavy blonde hair, unwrinkled face exposing his perfect jawline and cheek bones, a body that seems leaner and a butt that seems curvier than any 20 year old, the film almost seems like a miracle unfolding right in front of you with Pitt giving you a glimpse of his gorgeous youth inspite of being a 43 year old in real life!
What makes Flincher’s work simply superb is his subtlety and uncompromising attitude towards his subject. He manages to extract restrained performances from his actors and does not compromise on his story by giving Pitt –the hot looking movie star more screen presence than a wrinkled faced-bald Benjamin who constantly fears seeing the clock ticking. In spite of you dying to see Pitt attaining his youth miraculously, not a single stage in Benjamin’s life is hurried to give prominence to his youth. Flincher also very beautifully transforms this tragic story into a sensual yet agonising romantic tale as he induces a pivotal character of Daisy (Blanchett) in the film.
Daisy-Benjamin’s love surpasses every test of time and leaves you awestruck. Talking about cinematography, even the love-making scenes are splendidly shot. Watch out for the scene where Cate sporting a scarlet evening gown does a seductive ballet for Benjamin’s eyes only late after nightfall. It is cinema’s one of the best sensual scenes shot ever.
Brad Pitt delivers what his unnerving character demands and carries the film on his sculpted shoulders, although seems a bit static in few scenes. Cate Blanchett renders yet another heart-rending performance as Daisy. She matches Pitt’s every move and every expression with aplomb.
The curious case of Benjamin Button is a moving saga which talks about life, death, relationships and how one can make the most of his life in spite of all the odds. The climax will leave you speechless and the film will haunt you much after you leave the theatre. The film may not be ‘entertaining’ to be precise but keeps you engaged throughout as the characters keep exploring themselves and so does the narrative.
This tale of impermanence and emotional pain is a master-piece, a film that will linger in your mind forever for its cinematic and artistic brilliance
After 'Slumdog Millionaire' US critics warm up to 'Delhi-6'
Washington (IANS): After the runaway success of Mumbai-set "Slumdog Millionaire", US critics are waking up to Bollywood, especially the music of Oscar winner A.R. Rahman, whose latest composition for the Abhishek Bachchan starrer "Delhi-6" is also being appreciated.
Los Angeles Times really liked "Delhi-6". So did Village Voice in New York City and the site worldfilm.about.com, which reviews world cinema also gave it a big thumbs up.
"Delhi-6" also opened well at the US box office over Oscar weekend and had the third highest per-theatre average for any film in the Top 25.
It was probably the first time a father-daughter team from Bollywood had their own separate movies in the US Top 25 at the same time. Anil Kapoor has "Slumdog Millionaire" and Sonam Kapoor is in "Delhi-6".
"Anchored by a fascinating score from Oscar winner A.R. Rahman ('Slumdog Millionaire'), naturalistic performances and a wide cinematic palette, 'Delhi-6' is a fair introduction to Indian cinema for outsiders - who will have no clue at times why the audience is laughing," said LA Times critic Michael Ordona.
"The songs and score are memorable, and director Rakeysh Omprakash Mehra has a deep bag of cinematic tricks to illuminate the distinct patterns, such as flights into Hindu mythology or a dream sequence blending New York and Delhi," he added.
The movie site about.com said: "Maybe the runaway success of 'Slumdog Millionaire' will inspire Western audiences to sample more authentic Bollywood fare. With its first-rate music, world-class stars, and postcard-ready views of India (not to mention the relatively reasonable running time), 'Delhi-6' presents an especially welcoming option."
To villagevoice.com, the movie "represents the enigmatic India of today".
Critic Michelle Orange said while "'Delhi-6' attempts to address the generational, economic, and religious problems dividing modern India, it does so in an unapologetically broad, whacked-out way, with each of Bollywood's four food groups (corn, cheese, treacle and nuts) present and accounted for.
"Which is to say, of course, that it's pretty much irresistible and, in that sense, represents the enigmatic India of today as well as anything ever could."
Don't ask Grandma silly questions
Lawyers should never ask grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, an elderly grandmother to the stand. He approached her and asked; "Mrs.. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you're a big disappointment to me. You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs.. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?" She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster. He's lazy, bigoted, and has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes I know him."
The defense attorney almost died.
The judge asked both lawyers to approach the bench and in a quiet voice said: "If either of you rascals asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair."
A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa..'
'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'
A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun.
Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.
The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:
1 No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
(THIS GETS BETTER!)
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
The women won
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